There is an episode of South Park in which Earth is revealed to be nothing more than an elaborate reality TV show, created for the shallow pleasure of extraterrestrial viewers in another dimension. But the ratings are down and Earth is heading for cancellation, which will result in the set being dismantled and therefore the annihilation of humankind.

For some reason I couldn’t get that episode out of my head when reading the transcript of last Friday’s Paris Hilton court hearing, which followed her arrest for driving with a suspended licence. I suppose that if anything can make Earth feel like an extraterrestrial reality show on the brink of cancellation, it is Hilton, the professional heiress and much derided “celebutard”.

As you are probably already reluctantly aware, Hilton attempted to dodge this particular charge by putting up as a witness her PR man, who testified that he was to blame for wrongly assuring his client that her driving ban was for only 30 days. Presumably he also assured Hilton that it was OK to drive at almost double the speed limit in her Bentley convertible – but only if it was late at night, and if she remembered to keep her headlamps switched off. Incidentally, the PR man in question – the brilliantly named Elliot Mintz – is the former late-night radio host who befriended John Lennon in the 1970s by playing one of his albums in its entirety with no adverts. Mintz was fired after that stunt, just as he was fired yesterday by Hilton.

The judge didn’t have much time for Mintz either, describing his testimony as “completely worthless” and ordering Hilton to spend 45 days in a women’s jail with no breaks for manicures, makeovers, sex tapes, sponsored events, reality TV shows or bad pop records.

All of which, you have to agree, is thrillingly appropriate: Hilton is literally being sent to jail for believing her own PR. Forget about that drink-driving stuff – what better lesson could the young people of America possibly be taught? With any luck, the Supreme Court will rush to uphold this new, ultra-modern statute. All across the land, Hilton’s fellow offenders will be shuddering: even the President himself might not escape censure. Didn’t he believe all that rubbish about weapons of mass destruction? But I suspect the entertainment industry will supply most of the inmates: P. Diddy, meet your cellmate, Quentin Tarantino. Sanjaya, get back to the exercise yard.

And yet . . . something bothers me about Mintz. Take that statement he released yesterday, the one that goes “. . . due to this misunderstanding, I am no longer representing Paris”. You have to hand it to Mintz: even his own firing has the ring of good publicity. It gives authenticity to Hilton’s claim that she is an exploited celebrity; unwittingly led beyond the thin blue line by a hapless aide.

It will certainly come in handy at her appeal. And who knows, it could keep those aliens tuning in to Earth: the Reality Show for one more week.

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