If a man says something in the heat of passion, does that make him dishonest if there’s no follow through? “Of course not,” my friend Andrew says. “Everybody knows all the blood leaves your head.”

He describes it as the hot zone. Perception narrows. Hungry, scared, horny. It’s basic needs. “You don’t think it’s a big deal. You lift inhibitions – that’s the fun of it. Any girl who isn’t 10 years old knows the score.”

Not always. Why is it assumed that women will instinctively be able to distinguish between the cheques you can cash from the cheques that bounce. I tend to think when a man says, “I can’t live without you” he means it. I forget the rest of that sentence is: “for the next 10 minutes.”

Which leads to the impenetrable “I meant it in the moment I said it” defence. People say it’s important to live in the moment, but where’s the accountability? Anything goes. I’m all for free speech but if there are rules against yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theatre, there should be rules against whispering “I love you” in bed.

What happens to common sense? If you’re about to say something you know the person you’re saying it to will take it literally, have a little self-control. Unless you have Tourette's, there’s no excuse.

Of course, there are varying degrees of criminality. It’s one thing to say, “Let’s spend the weekend together.” It’s another thing to say, “Let’s spend the rest of our lives together.” If it were a punishable offence, one is jaywalking; the other, armed robbery and attempted murder.

And you have to know your audience. For me, a suggestion of spending the weekend together is worse. I’d prefer to hear a man say he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me because I’d know he didn’t mean it. Whereas a weekend? I’d be planning what to pack before he finished the sentence.

Then again I’ve always believed there’s an unspoken understanding that once you’re naked, nothing that’s said can be taken too seriously. Until he notices something unusual. When a man says, “I think you should get that spot checked” that’s different. Not only does it show he’s observant, but even if it turns out he doesn’t care, I end up with an early diagnosis. Where’s the down side?

Another way to go is phone sex. Physically and emotionally, it’s a lot safer. What are the chances you’ll get a disease over the phone?

But also, a man isn’t likely to make as many promises over the phone. Time is limited. The ‘hot zone’ is restricted because of fibre optics, poor reception, and the meter’s running. They’re not likely to get carried away because it feels more like an actual conversation. The kind where consciousness and logic are involved.

There are people addicted to the feeling of being in love and as Andrew points out, that’s why men say things they don’t necessarily mean: it’s like being high.

Here’s an alternative: don’t speak.

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