Ariel Leve
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It might surprise some people to learn that while I enjoy talking on the phone, I do not enjoy listening in to other people’s phone conversations. Especially when they are on a mobile phone and especially when they are seated next to me on a plane waiting to take off.
The only thing worse than being seated next to a crying infant for a transatlantic flight is being seated next to a crying infant whose mum is talking into her mobile exploring the possible explanations for the tears.
“She started four hours ago. She’s been crying the whole time. No, her nappy is dry. Yes, I burped her. Wind? You think it might be wind?...OK, I’ll tell her it’s you.”
(Pause) ‘Sweetie, daddy’s on the phone. Here. On the phone. Talk to him. It’s Da-da. DA-DA. You don’t want to talk to him? You don’t want to talk to dada?”
(Pause) “She doesn’t want to talk to you. I’ll call you when we land.”
Recently, I was horrified to discover that airlines will soon allow mid-air mobile phone use. I read a report that said, “At last, certain flights on Emirates Airways are allowing passengers to officially get their calls and texts.”
Are people that busy that they can’t go a few hours without talking on the phone? And, if they are really that important, shouldn’t they be able to afford a private jet?
The first flight that authorised calls was between Dubai and Casablanca.
There was one main topic of conversation: How weird it was to be talking mid-flight. “We’ve taken off and I’m calling you from the plane! Isn’t that weird?”
But soon, the novelty will wear off and there will be a series of other topics. For instance:
Topic 1. Reception. “I only have two bars. I can’t hear you. I SAID: I CAN”T HEAR YOU. CAN YOU HEAR ME? I SAID: CAN YOU HEAR ME?”
Topic 2. Location. “We’re somewhere over the Pacific. I don’t know where exactly. I’ll call you back when the clouds break.”
Ariel Leve writes for The Sunday Times Magazine, specialising in investigative features, in-depth interviews and a humorous weekly column, Cassandra. She was awarded Feature Writer of the Year by the British Magazine Design & Journalism Awards in 2008 and in the same year Highly Commended in the British Press Awards, for which she has twice been nominated. Her book, The Cassandra Chronicles, will be published by Portobello Books August 6th (UK) and HarperPerennial (US and Canada) March 2010. Click below to read her Cassandra column
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Oh dear, I'm off on a business trip tomorrow and am dreading all the mobile phone posers. I myself will have my mobile on me, but will use it only if necessary, i.e. probably not at all.
I liken all those airport/plane mobile users to the young kids here who drive around in their tuned, souped up cars with the windows down playing extremely noisy music.
The people at airports on their mobiles are basically yobbos in suits.
Stuart, Motril, Spain
I travel by plane a lot for work and an early flight on Monday before a week's work, or an overnight long-haul, is really not the place for someone chatting away next to you.
This needs to be seriously considered, it WILL cause problems, but I'm sure the commercial opportunity will win.
Richard Parker, Paris, France
Please.Please.Please do not allow this to happen. Anyone who has travelled out of the USA on a plane will know how insufferable it is with every one around talking loudly, the louder they talk the more important they think they are!, whilst awaiting take off. And often they have to be asked several times to shut down the 'phone. it is definitely a recipe for disaster - an air rage epidenic will ensue. How can it be justified - how can it even be needed? And, how can travellers want it? Isn't a benefit of being in air travel the fact that you can have a break from t he incessant communications of today.
Carol Connell, Paisley, Scotland
I have not yet been a passenger on a flight in which cell phones have been permitted, but I really do not think that will bother me when I finally do- I am not bothered by the other passengers who are talking on their cell phones while I am sharing a bus ride or a train ride with them. and I do not see how this is really any different-
Scott Benowitz, Rye, New York, U.S.A.
No problem the recession will change everything, with flying out of the question they should be welded up in their fuelless cars.
wayne, huntingdon, cambridgeshire
In response to Caitlin Moran's Delia Article (Times2 31/3), I don't agree with her take on the state of British food. My husband and I work hard. I do manage work from home 2 days a week and we enjoy good food ingredients and cooking, which we share. I switched off the sainted Delia after 5 minutes - she has undone all that the likes of Jamie, Hugh and other chefs have taught us and even Nigella's take on 'fast food' uses fresh meat and veg. I believe it is actually easier to cook a well balanced meal from scratch. We plan a weekly 'menu' and it works well. Many of our friends and neighbours who have families do the same and they all agree that Delia is has definitely lost her halo!
Like some of our friends we started keeping a few chickens as pets last year. They are easy to keep, lots more fun than rabbits etc as pets and provide you with eggs that are free rangeand don't travel any food miles....things like this and fresh veg are what we should be celebrating in British food!
Carole Zorzo, Bristol, England
" Hi Babes" It's me, the planes about to crash..........WHAT!!!...."I said the planes crashing....I love you!"......I love you too babes, see ya later.
What did she say dad?, she said something about putting out the trash, tch!....wimmin, they think you cant live without them.
Howard Wilson, Manchester,
Graham Fleet - mobile phone jammers? Where can I get one!?
I too solemly swear to relieve phone users of their implements, and stick them... you get the idea.
No one seems to have noticed that mobile phones are already used as detonators for IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices). It'll only last until the first scare.
Thom, University of Warwick, UK
I will refuse to fly on any airline that allows mobile phones during the flight.I think that the problems of air rage will escalate.
Brian Jackson, much wenlock,
As if the delays, the crowding and the stink of alcohol breath wasn't enough, now we have a new torture. The problem won't be so bad once airborne due to the ambient noise, but it'll be hellish on the apron and when taxiing. Especially with the inevitable departure delays. Better to go 1st class by train. Then again, save a packet and drive.
David, Cheshire,
who would you phone just before the planene crashes? well my sworn enemy is dead so no need to tell him he off the hook, think of the pain of those not chosen as the last call, a 24/7 news channel, no wouldn't get paid, its anightmare benig on a 12 hour flight and a "phone pest" sitting in the next cell. or getting a call teling one is sacked or house in broken into, or parner has left and ransacked the nest.
michael joseph heavey, cahersiveen>adams towns, madness
I agree. It will be absolutely horrific. I also hope that they never manage to get mobile signal on Tubes. Can you imagine? Hell on wheels.
Lisa, London ,
Hi,
As being probably the last person on planet earth to obtain a mobile phone I have sympathy with your article. I have also noticed it is common for many people to have a number of mobile phones to phone them selfs, usually in the best restaurant, bar or airplanes so one can be heard. With out dipping into the deep tin of worms of physiology, A form of self advertising
Regards Dr. Terence Hale
Terence Hale, zandvoort, Holland
Tibet has been an independent country since the 7th century
AD. It was invaded in the 18th century by the Mongolians who soon left it. The Chinese were involved also but since the end of that century the rulers have been the successive Dalai Llamas and regents.
During the 19th century the borders were closed to all foreigners. The Manchus invaded in 1911 but the Tibetans drove them out and the13th Dalai Llama returned in 1913 declaring an independent Tibet free from the formality of
Chinese overlordship.The British recognised Tibetan autonomy but the Chinese would not do so.
For the last 30 years I have taken an interest in the unique Tibetan Buddhist culture and have been very concerned about
the Chinese invasion. I think this country , because of its
historical links with Tibet , has a responsibility to support the Dalai Llama .
Dr.N.H.Weir, Great Horwood,
What do the ''authorities'' think they are doing? For civilisation's sake NO NO NO to mobiles on Aircraft. .....and has anyone heard of terrorists triggering bombs using mobiles?
Chrs Fox-Geen, Redaing, Berkshire
It's very annoying and will lead to fights on board flights.
Airlines should take heed.
Kevin, London,
It would be a cold day in Haiti for me to board any arrplane.
Dan, Timbuktoo,
Just because you can does not mean you should. Imagine being trapped of an hour and a half beside some business type breaking deals. Imagine having to listen to that for seven hours. no keep it like it is.
Niall O'Hara, Berlin, Germany
While talk on mobiles in flight ought to be banned the airlines use the feeble excuse of interference with systems to stop mobile users from using phones in "offline" or " flight" mode" during flight.
I was told by Thompson staff to stop using an FAA approved phone in offline mode when quite safe to do so. Their excuse? They would not earn £2 for an unnecessary headset because they wanted to force me to use their in flight entertainment service.
The argument that electronic devices might cause the plane to fall from the sky was proved totally fallacious when they apologised that their electronic credit card terminals, used for the purchase of Duty Free, were not working!!
Had these electronic terminals been operating, I expect my credit card purchase might have caused the total fatality of all on board. (If the falsehoods of the airline were to be believed).
The conclusion - don't believe what the airlines tell you. They're only interested in profit not customer safety.
Mike Fuller, Banstead,
The sales of small, non-intrusive cell phone jammers will take off. I'm sure there will be those whop cry foul, on the basis of safety however I am equally sure that it is far more dangerous to have enraged passengers on board.
Pass the screaming baby to me will you ? I have a man on the phone next to me and I need to make a point !
Graham, Fleet, UK
I shall speak as loud as my neighbour, glance directly at him or her, but of course simply read my book or papers while doing so. Life without a mobile phone is bliss and healthier
Paul, Braunschweig, Germany
paul berry, lehre, germany
You hint at the possibility of air rage. I'm afraid that at the risk of incriminating myself in future actions, I can guarantee here and now that it will lead to air rage.
I shall be offering condign and sustained violence to anyone who tries to carry on a telephone conversation (or any other kind of conversation, to be honest) anywhere near me on an aeroplane.
Jonathan, Singapore,
There will always be someone who thinks he/she MUST conduct a call while on the plane, ideally with a loud voice and while walking around using a bluetooth mike! There are a number of a websites/organisations collecting signatures against the introduction of phone calls on planes. Please sign up. Frequent flyers have the possibility to complain directly.This last bastion of privacy is in grave danger.
Tony, Singapore,
It might not be as bad as you make out. The Airliners phone network provider hopefully will charge £1.00 a second to make and receive the call.
But BA / BAA could send you a text on your present location of your luggage ( T5 )
Steve, Biddulph, Staffordshire