Ariel Leve
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The other day I was reading about a very successful hedge-fund manager who ripped off millions from his clients, got caught, faked his suicide, and went on the lam. He used to live in a building owned by Donald Trump – now he was living in a campervan. That was his Plan B? Going to jail sounds more appealing.
Where would you go and what would you do if it all came crashing down? Sometimes I like to think about this. If everything in my life exploded, what kind of life would I have if I had to start over?
Most people have an escape fantasy – a life they dream about and aspire to. I haven’t been able to come up with anything yet.
My friend Sophie has it all planned out. If her life imploded she would buy a house in a small New England town and get a job working at the local diner as a waitress.
“I’d be the woman with a mysterious past, “ she says. “An enigma.”
I like the idea of being an enigma. But I don’t think it would last more than one week. One day someone would say, casually, “what’s your story?” Five hours later I’d still be talking. Either that or I’d say I can’t get into it because I’m an enigma. If you’re going to be an enigma, it’s not something that should be announced.
Also in Sophie’s plan is a romance. She’d fall in love with the vet who looks like Sam Shepard. Her plan sounds a lot like the plot from Baby Boom. Only without the baby.
Whenever women talk about their fallback plan it always involves a small town with an ordinary guy who just happens to look like Sam Shepard. But I’ve been to a lot of these small towns and there’s never anyone who looks anything like him. If there is, he’s slumped on the street corner with an empty wine bottle in a brown paper bag.
But at least Sophie has a plan. Maybe I could rent a room in the house that she’s buying. The problem with that is, what if my life implodes first? I’d have to wait around for her life to fall apart and that could take a while. She would continue to have a successful life and I’d be stuck waiting. I’d become resentful. It would put a strain on the friendship.
I need a plan of my own.
I asked my Irish friend, Dion, what would happen if his life fell apart. What’s his Plan B?
“My life right now isn’t exactly Plan A,” he said. “I’m already on Plan G.
But then, after pressing him for a while, he came up with having a fish farm. I couldn’t follow all the details but it was definitely different to being a fisherman and it wouldn’t involve having to listen to a shipping forecast. When I think of fish, I think of water. When I think of a farm, I think of land. I was confused. And not interested. It sounded wet and cold.
Another friend mentioned he’d become a trucker. Why? What’s romantic about sitting for 12 hours a day in traffic, drinking stale coffee from petrol stations and getting haemorrhoids? My Plan B needs a place where I can pee without wiping the toilet seat first.
My friend Heather, who dates a lot, told me her fallback plan was to travel around the world with her husband. “You could join us,” she said.
That sounded good. But then I remembered she’s not married. And where would the money come from? I pointed out that a fallback plan is if life comes crashing down. What she was describing was hitting the jackpot.
I’m very specific. If everything were to come crashing down, I can’t imagine my fallback plan would involve being anywhere too remote. But I like sheep. I wouldn’t mind being a shepherd if it could happen somewhere near Manhattan or London. The down side is I have a feeling a shepherd’s hours wouldn’t work. I’d oversleep and lose my flock.
The fact is, I don’t have a Plan B. It’s beginning to worry me. If everything fell apart I’d probably end up hiding out in my apartment ruminating on where it all went wrong. Then again, that would keep me busy for the next ten years
Ariel Leve writes for The Sunday Times Magazine, specialising in investigative features, in-depth interviews and a humorous weekly column, Cassandra. She was awarded Feature Writer of the Year by the British Magazine Design & Journalism Awards in 2008 and in the same year Highly Commended in the British Press Awards, for which she has twice been nominated. Her book, The Cassandra Chronicles, will be published by Portobello Books August 6th (UK) and HarperPerennial (US and Canada) March 2010. Click below to read her Cassandra column
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the fact that we are talking about Plan Bs is yet another reminder of the 'realism' brought on by the economic downturn... or 'temporary adjustment' as it commonly known as in post Celtic Tiger Ireland :)
Dion, Cork, Ireland
At least you have an apartment...
Mark, Birmingham, UK
Whatever you do, don't go to Bristol. That was my Plan B when I got made redundant a few years ago, and it was truly awful.
Emma, London,
Oh my... I was thinking... I haven' t a Plan B too! AHHHHHH....
Very hard & funny topic!
Dario Giannelli, Volterra, Italy
I've done the hiding in the apartment bit.
It makes you fat, ugly, depressed and lonely.
Try doing what makes you happy, in a place you enjoy, with people you respect.
I suspect you're already doing that. Which is why you don't need an escape fantasy.
You need a man fantasy! Don't you??
Rhys Jaggar, Leeds, UK
I thought I would go after the Bin Laden gang, you know pick up a little extra cash, then buy a casino. I will keep you all posted.
Daniel, Council Bluffs,
Here's a falling apart scenario. The Sunday Times cans your contract. Your investments tank. Your creditors make you bankrupt. Your landlord evicts you so you can't hide out in your apartment.
But you are welcome to come and share mine - if my life hasn't fallen apart also. There's your Plan B!
Alan, London,
If you find it difficult to come up with a fallback plan, come and spend sometime in Brazil, you´ll have to learn to constantly adjust your plans to new conditions all the time, it´s a good exercise.
R., Sao Paulo, Brazil
If she plans to 'buy a house in New England' there must be some limit to the envisaged 'implosion'. Oh dwat! No Pewwier dahlings!
Eric Skelton, Cardiff, Wales
Some people act out Plan B in their Second Lives online. Cyber gaming now means that you can trial Plans B-Z without leaving your desk!
Annie, Hampshire,