Ariel Leve
Enter our Snapshots of Summer photography competition
There is a big controversy in America about ‘milk sharing’. When I first heard of this I was concerned. I drink several lattes a day.
But the milk-sharing debate refers to breast milk. A parenting magazine published an article on mothers who share breastfeeding duties with their friends. It also refers to an online resource where milk-needy mums can meet donors. It’s like Facebook. But instead of photos, you’re sharing breasts.
I don’t have children so this is not something I need. But let’s say I did. What’s wrong with formula? Or a milk bank? There’s a reason the wet-nurse is no longer a popular profession in places like the United States and Britain. There are options.
Besides, I can’t imagine any of my friends being willing to breast-share. Forget hygiene, the major hurdle is, it’s too much to organise. Between texting and e-mail, it takes days to co-ordinate a phone call. People are busy. By the time I got them to commit to a breastfeeding date, my baby would be in kindergarten.
Then they’d forget they promised to help out. Or their breasts would be too sore. Or they’d be too tired.
Except maybe my friend Sophie. She’s been thinking about getting her 34D breasts reduced – they give her back pain - so this could save her some money.
For the most part, my friends are not a charitable bunch. Asking to borrow a blouse is a major production. And I can’t remember the last time anyone suggested sharing a bra. So lending a breast seems like a long shot. Not to mention the quid pro quo factor.
My friends keep score. If I ask someone to meet me near my house for dinner, you can bet next time, they’ll point it out and use it to wring a concession from me. It’s one thing to ask them to come downtown. But to breast-feed my baby? It would give them the upper hand for life.
I can hear it now. “I lent you my breast three times last month. You owe me.” There’s no such thing as a free lunch.
Of course I wouldn’t want to help them out either. To begin with, I’m an only child so I’m not good at sharing. I don’t like sharing a toothbrush, popcorn at the cinema, or anything that carries germs. Babies put things in their mouth that have been on the ground. How do I know where someone else’s baby has been?
What’s more, if my friend is asking me to breastfeed, in an emergency, I’d be suspicious of her reason. What if she considers getting a spa treatment an emergency?
I understand some mothers don’t produce enough breast milk but the article says this cross-nursing trend is by choice – when mothers believe there is no substitute for breastfeeding, they turn to friends. It cites an example of a mother who left her baby with a friend to go to a job interview. The interview ran over and the breast-milk she left ran out. The friend used her own breast to feed the baby.
So let’s say someone got stuck at yoga – or in Barneys. Would they call their friend and say, “Will you breast-feed for me? I can’t decide whether to buy these Prada wedges.” Where do you draw the line?
I can’t say this is something I would consider. I know some mothers are worried their baby wouldn’t bond to another breast. Not me. I’d be too afraid of the opposite.
But also if I were the baby, I would get very confused. Breast milk they say carries a mother's antibodies and could possibly taste of her diet too. It’s not like a baby can protest “Hey! Too spicy!”
I can see this ruining a lot of friendships. Chances are, none of my friends would agree to breast-share because they’d be too worried I’d micromanage them. And if they’re too tentative to ask me to dog-sit, I’m not going to be the person they think of asking to feed their baby.
I’m don’t believe breast-fed babies are better off, anyway. I know they’re supposed to grow up healthier, wiser, with a stronger immune system and higher self-esteem. But it can’t be true – because I was breastfed, and look how that turned out.
Ariel Leve writes for The Sunday Times Magazine, specialising in investigative features, in-depth interviews and a humorous weekly column, Cassandra. She was awarded Feature Writer of the Year by the British Magazine Design & Journalism Awards in 2008 and in the same year Highly Commended in the British Press Awards, for which she has twice been nominated. Her book, The Cassandra Chronicles, will be published by Portobello Books August 6th (UK) and HarperPerennial (US and Canada) March 2010. Click below to read her Cassandra column
Win a luxury weekend to Newcastle and its neighbour Gateshead, find out more here
Risk, resilience and embracing new technology
Industry sectors news at a glance. Interactive heatmap, video and podcast
Discover the collective power of smart thinking. Submit a solution and be in with a chance to win a Flip MinoHD Camcorder
The inside track on current trends in the charity, not for profit and social enterprise sectors
Everything the Business Traveller needs to know to make a better trip
Make the most of the summer and enter our fabulous photographic competition, you could win a £5000 holiday
Corsica is an island of beauty and contrast, an ideal holiday destination
Enjoy further reading from Travel to Fashion, Business to Sport, discover more
Shortcuts to help you find sections and articles
The clever way to lease a new car is with Car leasing made simple™
2009
42,945
2008
71,450
Car Insurance
Not Specified
MI6
UK-based
£60,000
The Environment Agency
Bristol
Up to £90K
Boots
Midlands
OTE £85k
Credit Protection Association
Nationwide Opportunities
Completely London
Luxury Condo's in Manhattan with NYC views
The best new homes in Wimbledon?
Nationwide
Save up to £1,000 per couple with Elite Vacations at the five-star Constance Lemuria Resort
and do the British Isles this Summer.
Save up to 60% with Oxford Hotels and Inns
Try our inspiring luxury holidays to the Indian Subcontinent and South East Asia.
Great offers available
8 fabulous Canadian cities ...you won’t find cheaper
Contact our advertising team for advertising and sponsorship in Times Online, The Times and The Sunday Times, or place your advertisement.
Times Online Services: Dating | Jobs | Property Search | Used Cars | Holidays | Births, Marriages, Deaths | Subscriptions | E-paper
News International associated websites: Globrix Property Search | Property Finder | Milkround
Copyright 2009 Times Newspapers Ltd.
This service is provided on Times Newspapers' standard Terms and Conditions. Please read our Privacy Policy.To inquire about a licence to reproduce material from Times Online, The Times or The Sunday Times, click here.This website is published by a member of the News International Group. News International Limited, 1 Virginia St, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International group and is registered in England No 81701. VAT number GB 243 8054 69.
Nobody asked for my review, but here it is: fun topic, but VERY traditional Ariel format: introduce the concept, imagine what it would be like with her friends, a reference to Sophie, and end up with a self deprecation. Good, but not original.
Ariel's column is still better than anyone else's.
Suzanna, Fresno, CA,
I imagine the biggest problem would be thrush, which is fairly common and can be transferred from nipple to the baby's mouth and vice versa. If it hadn't been for the prevalence of thrush I wouldn't worry about nursing someone else's baby, or someone else nursing my baby.
Jill, Bergen, New Jersey
My God, you & your "friends" seem to be a selfish, self centered lot. I hate to think how your children are being brought up surrounded by all these me, me, me women.
No wonder the country is in the state it is with women like you around!
Pete, St Albans, England
Even funnier when little boys become teenagers (later men, some of them) and are reminded that they were breast fed by their best friend's mother. Enough material for a gross out teen movie.
Leica Mike, Sandton,
Why is everybody so concerned. Some mothers share other mothers partners and do it regularly ! If people had the opportunity to time travel back to the 16th century they would be horrified by the habits of the ordinary person. Never mind AID's (rubbish) in breast milk they did worse things.
Phil de Buquet, Newport,
My boyfriend horrified me when he told me that his mother breastfed a girl who was born the same time as him because her mother couldn't breastfeed. Formula milk was available but apparently it is common in Greece (hence Maria from Volos nasty comment) and he calls her his sister, shudder!
Sarah, Athens, Greece
I remember my grandmother telling me as a child that she always fed her husband's nieces and nephews, especially one family whose mother never had breastmilk. She said if she hadn't, they would have starved.
My concern now is disease. AIDS is now found in breast milk. What else is there?
Jennie, SC, USA
Umm Bitty!
Dick Johnson, Peterborough, UK
You know as much about this subject and have as much that is valuable to say about this subject as I do about the experience of walking on the moon. Stick to stuff you can write something decent about.
Maria.Greece, Volos, Greece
I produced an excess of milk after my first child.
This was lucky as the mother with v large breasts in the next bed found it impossible to produce milk for her newly born baby.
I expressed my over-production, and her baby had bottled-breast milk from me.
That's milk-sharing. Old news.
Annie, Bath, UK
Other animals do it, what's the big deal?
nursey, ipswich,
breastfeeding is awsome and natural i have breastfeed two of my 3 children i dont know if i would let some one else breastfeed my child but i always have exess breast milk wich i freeze ...unfortunatly because im on zoloft i cant donate my milk to the milk bank at king edward for the prem babies ..
kelly rinaldi, perth, australia
Seems quite natural and normal to me, easier than running around buying a bottle and formula if a mother gets stuck and can't make it back for a feed she hasn't expressed for. I used to be a 'milk lady' collecting expressed milk for premature babies in hospital, a great way to help sick infants.
Catherine , Adelaide, Australia
Some of the worst tyrants in history were turned over to a wet nurse, and see what happened. Of course some of the greatest and benevolent leaders in history were wet nursed, as well. So what does that prove except that it has been a practice for a few millennia. Now, about formula....
Bob Evans, Anaheim, California
At what age would it be deemed appropriate to begin weaning them on Gatorade Miss Cassandra?
Daniel, Council Bluffs,
Liam from Stoke: I so wish I would have heard your view some time ago, when it was decided I´d be better off without the embarrasment of comforts wise Mother Nature had provided me with....
Marianella, San José, Costa Rica
Before the 2nd world war hit Malta it was common practice for families from the upper classes to hire women to breastfeed their babies. Apparently it's a question of histroy repeating itself...
Kevin Bonello, Marsascala, Malta
Good grief. Grow up. To debate this is about as stupid as arguing about whether women should be allowed to breast feed in public places. And from a woman who has never had a child?? She's not serious though.. she is just trying to be clever and funny...didn't work.
lecia sadler, Richmond,
I wasn't breast fed, and I turned out totally lacking in any self-esteem, manically depressed for my adult life and totally ill-at-ease with women!
Takes you pick: it's stats I guess.
But both of us are 'outliers' which go to prove the rule I suppose.....
Rhys Jaggar, Leeds, UK
If Sophie can find a safe means of losing some weight, that would be another option. I suggest that because I used know a woman whose back problems disappeared that way--but the weight loss was the result of stress over school and family causing her to get sick and not eat right.
Michael, Pueblo, Colorado, US
I well remember that about 50 years ago ,when I was about 6 ,my mother did not produce enough milk to breastfeed my youngest brother and I was sent twice a day to fetch a largish bottle of milk from a woman a few streets 'up the road' who had excess breastmilk .It seemed quite normal then.
Adrian, London , UK
If your friend is as modestly-sized as a 34D and has back pain, she's most likely wearing a badly-fitting bra. Get her to a shop like Bravissimo pronto! I'm a 34F and have never experienced back pain.
L Porter, London, UK
I will make this short, sharp and clear...YUK!
wendy, belfast, northern ireland
I was told of a mother who was very ill after giving birth after having my son , I was asked would donate breast milk for her baby ,as breast milk freezes well I was able to express and save some for her husband to collect (a bizzare doorstep meeting that one) I draw the line at sharing breasts.
Jacqueline, whitstable, KENT
Breast-sharing? Am I reading this correctly? Without starting a whole new debate, those who profess breast feeding to be a necessity need to re-evaluate their thinking.
Aber, Barrow-in-Furness, England
Breast-reduction surgery is a small tragedy in a dark world with few enough comforts as it is.
Liam, Stoke, UK