Ariel Leve
Claim your free 2010 double sided wall chart
Lately there seem to be a lot of stories in the British press about men who prefer to remain living at home, rather than move out on their own. And most of these stories focus on a reluctance to get married.
There are many things in life I feel I’m missing out on but being married isn’t one of them. It’s not that I’m against it, I’m ambivalent about it and always have been.
Growing up, I never fantasised about walking down the aisle. The only aisle I ever see myself walking down is the one that leads to the back of the plane to use to loo.
It’s not that I haven’t had the opportunity. The first proposal was from my friend Charlie when we were in our 20’s. He said if it turned out that we were both 40 and we were still single, we should just marry each other and that would be that. But the getting-it-over-with sentiment never appealed. Not that it matters. He’s married.
The second proposal was from my British friend Ben who, when he found out I was thinking about getting a visa suggested we tie the knot to get round the restrictions. I told him I appreciated the offer, but passed. It's illegal; going to jail isn’t my version of the ideal honeymoon.
Proposal number three came from a man I met at a party. He leaned in and whispered: “If I wasn’t already engaged, I’d marry you.”
I told him his fiancée was a lucky woman.
He nodded in agreement. “I know.” He said. He was serious.
But my favourite proposal came from a taxi driver. He looked me over in the rear-view mirror and asked if I was married. When I said no, he was silent for about 30 seconds. Then he said: “All right. I’ll marry you.”
At first I thought, why not. Free taxis for life. But then I realised he probably wouldn’t let me ride with him or if he did, he’d make me sit up in front while he worked.
I’d have to sit quietly and whenever I talked he’d get angry with me for not letting him drive in peace. We’d argue over routes or what radio station to listen to and then I’d start to fidget and spill hot coffee on his lap. It wouldn't work out.
Most people get married because they want to start a family. But if that’s not on the agenda, what’s the point?
I asked my friend Tamara who doesn’t want children what it would take to get her down the aisle. “A guy that comes with a remote control so I could fast forward through all the need and narcissism they inevitably bring with them.”
My friend Susan in New York has more practical criteria. “A full sized kitchen with counter space.”
It’s good to know what you want. But that wouldn’t do it for me since I don’t go in the kitchen.
My friends and I never talk about marriage as an idealised objective. Those who were married in their 30’s are now divorced. Either that or they’re unhappily married because they don’t want to face being alone.
The couples I know who enjoy being married, were living together for several years before so nothing really changed other than the language and the subtle but meaningful symbolism that comes from the promise of never-ending partnership.
“I don't even wear my ring,” my friend David says, “but I know I'm married. I like it. It's like a chocolate covered chocolate bar. It's all chocolate, but you're still happy there's more chocolate.“
If it’s the right person, I can see the value in that. But then again, too much chocolate has always given me a stomach ache.
Ariel Leve writes for The Sunday Times Magazine, specialising in investigative features, in-depth interviews and a humorous weekly column, Cassandra. She was awarded Feature Writer of the Year by the British Magazine Design & Journalism Awards in 2008 and in the same year Highly Commended in the British Press Awards, for which she has twice been nominated. Her book, The Cassandra Chronicles, will be published by Portobello Books August 6th (UK) and HarperPerennial (US and Canada) March 2010. Click below to read her Cassandra column
Industry sectors news at a glance. Interactive heatmap, video and podcast
Everything the Business Traveller needs to know to make a better trip
Get ready for the winter sports season, with our resort guides and snow reports
We are backing British business, what is the confidence of the nation and what businesses are succeeding?
Growing demand for energy, oil that is harder to reach and the rise of carbon dioxide emissions. We examine the energy challenge
With rail travel in Europe on the rise, we review the benefits of travelling by train
In this special section we explore new food trends to help improve your dinner party and impress guests
Enjoy further reading from Travel to Fashion, Business to Sport, discover more
Shortcuts to help you find sections and articles
1998
£47,955
2004
£56,950
Essex
Check your free Experian credit report before applying
Car Insurance
c. £70,000
The Duke of Edinburgh’s Award
Windsor
£123,460 pa
The Law Commission
London
Southwark County Council
£100,000
Home Office
Liverpool
Moments from Battersea Park.
For sale with Winkworth
Find out about shared ownership.
See your free Experian credit report beforehand
Includes flights, accommodation with room upgrades, transfers city tours in Hong Kong and Bangkok.
PremierHolidays.co.uk
For your ultimate tailor-made ski holiday, click here
Get covered on your travels with a superb range of policies at great prices. Visit InsureandGo.com
Choose from the beautiful landscape and tranquil beaches of Oahu, Kauai, Maui & Big Island.
Contact our advertising team for advertising and sponsorship in Times Online, The Times and The Sunday Times, or place your advertisement.
Times Online Services: Dating | Jobs | Property Search | Used Cars | Holidays | Births, Marriages, Deaths | Subscriptions | E-paper
News International associated websites: Globrix Property Search | Milkround
Copyright 2009 Times Newspapers Ltd.
This service is provided on Times Newspapers' standard Terms and Conditions. Please read our Privacy Policy.To inquire about a licence to reproduce material from Times Online, The Times or The Sunday Times, click here.This website is published by a member of the News International Group. News International Limited, 1 Virginia St, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International group and is registered in England No 81701. VAT number GB 243 8054 69.