WELCOME TO THE SILLY SEASON
Last month, high in the Tyrolean hills, the edelweiss was yet to flower. But
for Britain’s indie-music crowd – gathered at the Snowbombing festival, in
the resort of Mayrhofen – the summer party season had already begun. The
hills were not only alive; they were properly kicking. The sight of Sam
Duckworth, of the band Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly, tumbling down the grassy
mountainside like a rolling pin after a three-day bender was followed next
day by the curious spectacle of the Rumble Strips and the Young Knives
staging a yodel-off on a log pile. The Radio 1 DJ Annie Mac was spotted
initiating newcomers into the Jägermeister ritual – with a miniature bottle
held in her teeth and fingers wedged in ears. And joining the fray, with
enthusiastic bouts of streaking and naked crowd-surfing, were the
Tango-tanned performing pranksters the Cuban Brothers. “The fun factor is
definitely back this year,” proclaimed Miguel, one of the Brothers, as he
caroused in a hot tub in a comedy Joan Collins turban. “People aren’t afraid
to make arses of themselves.”
As the party began, so it is set to continue. This summer, it’s all about
clowning around – and countless opportunities for nonsense lie ahead. There
is Beachbombing, in Newquay, high summer’s answer to Snowbombing, held in a
caravan park; bring doilies and rubber chickens for the Pimp My Caravan
competition. There is the unfettered cheesy pop of Guilty Pleasures,
purveyor of Glenn Medeiros and the Nolans to euphoric, shameless crowds
across the festival circuit. And there is Bestival, holder of the world
record for the number of revellers in fancy dress, on the Isle of Wight in
September, along with its burgeoning offshoot Nesstival, at the lochside
Rock Ness festival (complete with Bestival’s human Scrabble), and warm-up
parties in London, where fake ’taches are sold at the bar, only to end up on
chins, eyebrows and bottoms.
And the sign that you’re up for a bit of unreconstructed fun? Fancy dress. “I
feel a lot more comfortable dressed as a pirate than as myself,” says Rob da
Bank, the DJ and Bestival curator. “It encourages people to let their hair
down and be someone else.” Indeed it does. At Mayrhofen, the dress code
embraced sumo suits, Borat trunks and Chewbacca numbers; one group of lads
“sailed” an inflatable Viking ship through the streets. Repression was out;
regression was in. And therein lies the point of this summer’s silliness: in
the buoyant sense of collective joy, boundaries evaporate. “It makes for one
big family,” one reveller observes. “A very dysfunctional family.”
Among those directing the fun are the Squeaky Hill Collective, an itinerant
group of actors, comedians and idiots (their words) who are peddling their
silly games (human crab races, drum’n’bass musical statues, space-hopper
racing) at Glastonbury, Bestival, Electric Picnic and Beachbombing. “Our
task is to break down inhibitions,” they say. “We’re throwing our knickers
to the wind.”
Even the music industry has been getting playful, ditching guitars for
ukuleles, cowbells and even Fisher-Price toys. The whimsical songstress Bat
for Lashes uses a wooden staff, a triangle and the audience – to make wolf
cries and the sound of the sea. “It’s about everyone being a star in their
own right,” says Kid Carpet, who bangs out “kiddie disco punk” with his
Sellotaped, car-boot-sale toys. “Coolness is so elitist. Anticool is the new
cool.”
Summer 2007 – it’s all about making a fool of yourself and not caring who sees
it. Let the high jinks begin.
HERE COMES THE FUN
1 THROW A MIDNIGHT BANQUET Home-baked goodies, real ginger ale,
jumpers, friends and a position miles from city lights are the ingredients
needed to watch nature’s fireworks when the Perseids meteor shower becomes
visible (mid-July) and peaks (August 12).
2 BE PART OF THE SUMMER OF LOVE Summer Oh-Seven will be vintage. Easy
MySpace fame, bright fashion colours and creativity for love, not money,
abound. Start a band! Host a happening! Follow your dreams and engage with
your world. We predict a riot.
3 RENT A BARONIAL CASTLE IN SCOTLAND Royalty and old money have never
understood why the hordes head south in summer. With the weather so
favourable these days, a week at Glenborrodale Castle suddenly seems the
chicest thing ever (www.scottscastles.com).
4 SAMPLE THE WORLD’S MOST DELICIOUS ICE CREAM Minghella’s
award-winning crushed strawberries and cream flavour is summer in a tub (www.minghella.co.uk).
5 HIT THE STREETS “Pervasive street games” are urban sport designed to
reconnect you with the world around you. Cruel 2 B Kind is one, and Raks
(random acts of kindness, such as compliments and jackets over puddles) are
your weapons (www.cruelgame.com).
6 HOLD A CIGARETTE WAKE On June 30, do as the eccentric Chelsea Arts
Club, in London, is doing and bring together grieving smokers for one last
public puff, followed by a burial ceremony. They call it A Last Drag, but A
Last Gasp or A Last Fag are options.
7 MAKE WHOOPEE IN BLACKPOOL July 28-29. The coming together of the
cabaret collective the Whoopee Club and Blackpool’s kitsch Winter Gardens is
like a magical meeting of minds. The highlight: the biggest Whoopee party
ever (www.thewhoopeeclub.com).
8 HIRE A BEACH HUT Pack bucket and spade, and get to the Grove, in
Hertfordshire, which has unveiled a man-made beach with six luxury huts –
40in plasma screens, a spa hut and a concierge service are (a lot) better
than a wet weekend in Wales (www.thegrove.co.uk).
9 TRAVEL THE COUNTRYSIDE IN A PAINTED WAGON Rent a traditional gypsy
caravan and wander the trendy Pewsey Vale, Wiltshire. Imagine romantic
nights under the stars with just the drum of horses’ feet to break the
silence. Ahhh (www.whitehorsegypsycaravans.co.uk).
10 STAGE A MASS WATER FIGHT A free-for-all water fight will take place
in Hyde Park over the summer. More than 87,000 interested mischief-makers
have already signed up (Google it to locate the mystery organisers), some,
no doubt, thanks to the promise of a vast afterparty.
11 GROW TOMATOES What better than a crop of tomatoes grown yourself?
Plant seeds now (www.realseeds.co.uk),
nurture them, and by the end of summer, you shall have fruit. Savour with
Maldon salt (www.maldonsalt.co.uk)
and a good olive oil (www.peaceoil.org).
BE THE FIRST AT . . .
12 BUNGALOW 8 St Martins Lane Hotel, WC2, September. Amy Sacco, Vanity
Fair’s “queen of New York nightlife”, is bringing a version of her famously
exclusive Manhattan club to these shores. When it arrives, expect queues
around the block, a deeply intimidating doorpolicy and the kind of evening
A-list scrum rarely seen since Studio 54 (www.stmartinslane.com).
13 SHOREDITCH HOUSE Ebor Street, E1, June 25. Nick Jones’s East End
Soho House will feature, among other things, the world’s largest sofa and an
infinity pool on the roof. Local hipsters are ambivalent, but they’ll
probably come round to the idea (www.shoreditchhouse.com).
14 FOREIGN Bar Music Hall, 134 Curtain Road, EC2, every Saturday. It
has fallen to London’s fiercest drag queen, Jodie Harsh, to provide a
replacement club night for the fabled AntiSocial. It’s the hang-out of
choice for trendies, drag queens and lost nu-ravers: prepare yourself for
full-on exhibitionism and don’t underdress (www.myspace.com/foreignclub).
15 TOM’S PLACE Cale Street, SW3, early September. Fish and chips
will get the Chelsea makeover with the opening of chef-of-the-moment Tom
Aikens’s newest restaurant. The plan is to offer the most guilt-free seaside
fare around: sustainably sourced fish, organicmushy peas and homemade
ketchup, served in recycled packaging (lucy@tomaikens.co.uk).
16 COTSWOLD 88 HOTEL Painswick, Gloucestershire, July. The opening of
this boutique hotel by one of the founders of Lounge Lover brings a spot of
healthy eccentricity to the eerily pretty village of Painswick. In fact,
luxe living with a whiff of decadence might be just what England’s most
expensive rolling hills need (www.cotswolds88hotel.com).
THE PARTIES OF THE SUMMER
17 JADE JAGGER IN IBIZA August. Now she’s bezzy mates with Amy
Winehouse, it’s unlikely that this year’s bash chez Jagger will be small and
quiet. We’re talking 400-odd of the London and Ibiza in crowd glamming it up
for 24 hours of verging-on-out-of-control partying. Bag yourself an invite
by cosying up to the kids at the hip hang-out Elephant, or get friendly with
Jagger when she kicks off her Jezebel nights at Pacha in June.
18 VALENTINO’S 45TH ANNIVERSARY July 6. The international posh,
loaded and beautiful will be in Rome for the tanned one’s 45th-anniversary
celebrations. That means Euro royals – the Monaco family, for starters –
rubbing shoulders with Hollywood A-listers and Italian doyennes clad in
couture. There will be a gala and a retrospective, but is the rumour true?
Will there be a retirement announcement?
19 KAY SAATCHI’S ANTICIPATION May 23. The art scene’s biggest
players are expected at a new gallery space, One One One Great Titchfield
Street, W1, for the opening of Kay Saatchi’s latest show, Anticipation. A
rich seam of talent – both artistic and social – will be on site. Expect the
guest list to include Sam Taylor-Wood, Mario Testino, Stella Tennant,
Grayson Perry, Mike Figgis, and 25 of this year’s most promising artists
(020 7637 0868).
20 WAG WEDDING WEEKEND June 15-16. Wag one-upwomanship will come to a
head when John Terry, Gary Neville, Michael Carrick and Steven Gerrard make
honest women of their orange companions on the same weekend. Gary and Emma
have Becks as best man, but Stevie and Alex have booked Cliveden House. It
looks as if John and Toni, who have the Friday all to themselves, may have
the last laugh, though.
21 STANLEY May 28. It’s only the hottest ticket on the posh rave
circuit: a one-night-only exercise in the art of the guilt-free partay,
organised in aid of the Pegasus Trust. This year’s big theme (and they’re
always big) is “Around the World”: cue a Brazilian carnival, several tonnes
of sand shipped into Shropshire for a beach and, we imagine, a lot of
hula-hula girls and sombreros. With this crowd, it seems, the appetite for
living it large is insatiable.
22 BISTROTHEQUE DRAG BALL August. This highly fashionable haunt plays
host to a glittering celebration of glamour and grotesquerie. Participants
may look more like Maradona than Madonna, but that won’t stop the east
London fashion crowd clamouring for front-row seats at the catwalk
competition. Very queer, very fabulous. Sashay, shante. Work it, work it
(020 8983 7900).
23 V&A GOLDEN AGE OF COUTURE GALA September 18. Dust down those old
couture dresses. This party – sorry, ball – is set to be a true poser’s
paradise, as Anna Wintour, Naomi Campbell and Donatella Versace arrive in
town to illustrate how well they walk in heels. Forget gossip, this one will
be all about frocks, frocks – and more frocks.
24 BOUJIS’ FIFTH BIRTHDAY June 10. The most anticipated date in
the Sloane summer season is the fifth birthday of its spiritual home, the
nightclub Boujis. As it’s held at Syon House, all of South Ken will decamp
to Brentford for an evening of air-kissing and inappropriate groping. Expect
stumbling royals – minor and major – loafer-wearing Euros and girls fighting
it out for a crack at a prince.
THE SEASON ...
25 THE SERPENTINE SUMMER PARTY London, early July. The most
sought-after ticket on summer’s social calendar. A smattering of YBAs skulk
in the shadows, while patrons of the Serpentine – some outrageously nipped
and tucked – greet each other as if it has been years. A-listers – a
pregnant Linda Evangelista turned up last year – are just the icing on a
very sparkly cake (www.serpentinegallery.org).
26 THE ROYAL ACADEMY SUMMER EXHIBITION PREVIEW June 6. It’s the night
the Euro set descends on Piccadilly for some rubbernecking and not looking
at the art as much as they’re supposed to. (The standard excuse: “I’ll come
back when it’s quieter”). Afterwards, they disappear to Cipriani for dinner.
Last year, Lily Allen prowled around almost unnoticed; this year, forget it.
27 THE GORBACHEV GALA DINNER Hampton Court Palace, June 2. The second
Gorbachev Ball – the committee includes Madonna and Maggie Thatcher –
promises to create a Russian dacha with a serious glamour dosage. Last
year’s event featured Claire Danes throwing shapes on the dancefloor with
Salman Rushdie, pole-dancing ballerinas and Gorbachev high-fiving the Black
Eyed Peas. As OTT as only new Russians know how.
28 THE SMYLE/KIDD PARTY AT THE CARTIER INTERNATIONAL POLO Guards Polo
Club, July 29. A little bit of polo-playing rock’n’roll in a sea of
corporate sponsorship. Only polo-players, patrons, royalty, rock stars and
true polo enthusiasts are welcome at the Kidd family’s tent. Previous years
have featured James Blunt, the Cuban Brothers and Soul II Soul on the mike (www.smyle.co.uk).
29 LADIES’ DAY AT ROYAL ASCOT June 21. It’s easy to be snotty
about Ascot, but what would an English summer season be without the laydeez
in their hats? An opportunity to dress up to the nines, have a flutter and
spend an entertaining afternoon Wag-watching – unbeatable fun, surely. (www.ascot.co.uk).
30 THE BERKELEY SQUARE END OF SUMMER BALL September 27. It’s a
tradition now for the season to end with a Vince Power-sized bang. This
year, he has hired the chefs Tom Aikens, Richard Corrigan and Bryn Williams
to create a course each, and ordered a My Fair Lady theme. Expect, too, Nobu
Berkeley to run the bar, an Alist act on stage – last year’s was the late
James Brown – and Kate Moss and posse all making a toast to the departing
sun (www.bsquareb.co.uk).
... AND HOW TO CRASH IT
31 HOMEWORK Set yourself apart from other liggers by swotting up online
beforehand: who is hosting, is there a good cause, what is the dress code
and where is the tradesman’s entrance?
32 YOUR DISGUISE Dress towards the upper end of the range or, if you
are feeling unstoppable, dress famous (sunglasses, power blow-dry, vintage
fur).
33 ON THE DOOR Arrive by taxi – or chauffeur – even if you have just
taken it from the last street corner or your dad is driving. Befriend people
in the queue; act like you belong there. Be confident but natural – neither
dormouse nor queen bee.
34 TRIED-AND-TRUSTED LINES “I’ve already been inside. I just had to
step outside to call my doctor” (cue door whore being shamed into
obligation); “I’m a friend of [insert host’s name]. Oh, she just invited me
by phone and promised she would see to the guest list”; or say you work for
some powerful institution, such as Kazakhstan Vogue.
35 OTHER OPTIONS Walk through without stopping to check off your name
on the clipboard – insouciance is often the most effective method. Failing
that, seek out that tradesman’s entrance.
MAKE A SPECTATOR OF YOURSELF
WIMBLEDON London, June 25-July 8. If you’re Murray-mad, but can’tcope
with the crowds, book for the Boodles Challenge – a mini preWimbledon
tournament at Stoke Park Club. Really can’t be without Wimbles? Cavendish
Hospitality will ensure the ride is pain-free (www.theboodles.com,
www.cavendish-hospitality.co.uk).
THE TOUR DE FRANCE London, July 6-8. The Tour de France is kicking off
on Trafalgar Square for the first time. Head there to check out the
competitors – no need to take your lunchbox when you can look at theirs (www.tourdefrancelondon.com).
THE LONDON-MONGOLIA RALLY July 2. Stand on the sidelines in Hyde Park,
watch the competitors – who are planning to drive cars with engines no
bigger than a litre 10,000 miles to Ulan Bator – and think about how nice it
will be not to (www.mongolrally.theadventurists.com).
ENGLAND v BRAZIL June 1. This summer, English football is finally
coming home, and the England team’s first appearance at the new Wembley
stadium will be against Brazil. All tickets have been distributed, and far
be it from us to encourage touting. But if youdomanage to find a ticket in
an old pair of jeans, Quintessentially will whisk you there in a chopper,
drive you to VIP after-drinks at Mahiki and dinner at Cipriani, then settle
you in at Boujis, a favourite boîte of Chelsea players (www.quintessentially.co.uk).
AND FOUR PUBS TO WATCH IT IN
40 The Strawberry, Newcastle (0191 232 6865)
41 The Trafford, Manchester (0161 848 0736)
42 The Bailey, N1 (020 7700 1425)
43 The Allsop Arms, NW1 (020 7723 5864) 44-53
BE IN THE FRONT ROW AT . . .
44 LIVE EARTH Wembley Stadium, July 7. Madonna and the Red Hot Chili
Peppers exhort the world to wake up to climate change. Here’s hoping they
succeed (from £55; www.liveearth.org).
45 THE CONCERT FOR DIANA Wembley Stadium, July 1. Take That have been
confirmed, with the heftiest rumours of a Robbie reunion we yet have heard
(£45; www.concertfordiana.com).
46 RECONSTRUCTION #2 Sudeley Castle, Gloucestershire, June 23-October
31. The summer’s most socially prolific art show. Works by the hippest names
in contemporary art are hidden around the grounds and garden (www.reconstruction.org.uk).
47 FALLUJAH Old Truman Brewery, until June 2. Using unheard eyewitness
testimonies, this powerful play tells the inside story of the 2004 US siege
of Fallujah, in Iraq (www.fallujah.co.uk).
48 THE ROLLING STONES Isle of Wight, June 8-10. See them play their
first festival in 30 years (www.isleofwightfestival.com).
49 MONKEY: THE OPERA Manchester International Festival, June 28-July 7.
Damon Albarn’s debut opera offers martial artists and a 30-piece orchestra (www.manchesterinternationalfestival.com).
50 TRACEY EMIN AT THE VENICE BIENNALE Previews, June 7-9; open to the
public from June 10 to November 21. Nonstop boozing and schmoozing and the
stars of the art world misbehaving (www.labiennale.org/en).
51 GRANGE PARK OPERA 10TH ANNIVERSARY Winchester, June 7. Under
(hopefully) clear evening skies, the London Symphony Orchestra will play
Tchaikovsky, Prokofiev and Stravinsky (www.grangeparkopera.co.uk).
52 THE BICYCLE BALLET National Theatre, SE1, July 6-8. A 70-strong
troupe dance, with their bikes, to Busby-Berkeley-style choreography (www.bicycleballet.i12.com).
53 GLASTONBURY Somerset, June 22-24. Didn’t get a ticket? You have two
options:
On the cheap Sign up as a car-park attendant – 12 hours of work, 12
hours of partying (www.cashandtrafficmanagement.com).
On expenses Book into a nearby boutique camp site that offers VIP
ticket packages (from £575; www.flyglastonbury.com,
www.cockmillhideaway.com,
www.campkerala.com).
THE FESTIVAL SPIRIT
This summer, there are hundreds of festies to choose from. It’s very
personal, of course, but here are our picks
54 LATITUDE Suffolk, July 12-15. The lineup ranges from the established
to the experimental. Arcade Fire, Jarvis Cocker and CSS rock the main
stages, while candlelit horror stories, rockabilly freakshows and men’s
burlesque workshops add extra garnish (Latitude, geddit?). Itis set in
glorious private parkland with a forest and a lake (day ticket, £45, weekend
ticket with camping, £112; www.latitudefestival.com).
55 WAKESTOCK North Wales, July 20-21. Ogle world-class wakeboarders to
music from the Bravery, the Enemy, Dirty Pretty Things, Get Cape. Wear Cape.
Fly, Norman Jay, Mark Ronson and Just Jack. A dunk in Cardigan Bay followed
by a wee lie-down on the golden sands is sure to restore (£30-£75; www.wakestock.co.uk).
56 SONAR Barcelona, June 14-16. Gaudi, beach, cava, plus Beastie Boys,
New Young Pony Club, Dizzee Rascal, Simian Mobile Disco, Planning to Rock
and the Ed Banger Records guys. Days are spent partying, Martini-style, in
the modern-art museum; nights are in a huge aircraft hangar and the various
venues used for supercool afterparties (day tickets from £19, general pass
£96; www.sonar.es).
57 LLAMA FESTIVAL Devon, June 8-10. Lynton and Lynmouth folk festival
is tiny and superchilled – it’s more like a village fête, really, for locals
and downshifters (The Idler’s Tom Hodgkinson among them). What’s special is
that, unlike the Green Man, it’s free. This year, they’ve got – woohoo –
Super Furry Animals’ Gruff Rhys headlining (free; www.llama.org.uk).
58 ALL TOMORROW’S PARTIES v THE FANS Somerset, May 18-20. So
what’s with the versus? A dose of healthy competition – “We pick half the
bands,” say the organisers, “and you get the chance to vote for the other
half, making you this year’s curators.” No wonder ATP is a favourite with
the hip art set. Lovers of Brit kitsch are also kept happy – it’s held at
Butlins, so think bowling, a wave pool, darts and proper beds (from £240 for
a two-berth cabin; www.atpfestival.com).
59 THE GARDEN FESTIVAL Croatia, July 6-8. “Holiday or festival?” is the
only question likely to surface when you’re standing with your feet in the
Adriatic, sipping a cocktail and digging sets from Mr Scruff, the
Unabombers, Greg Wilson and Sean Rowley (£30; www.thegardenfestival2007.com).
60 SUMMER SUNDAE WEEKENDER Leicester, August 10-12. This is the
festival for the faint of heart. It’s held at De Montfort Hall, Leicester –
ie, urban setting surrounded by parkland. There’s an indoor stage for when
it rains, a cap of 5,500 people per day, and it’s lights out at midnight.
Expect arts-and-crafts stalls, and top indie music: the Magic Numbers, the
Hold Steady, !!! and the Rumble Strips (£85; www.summersundae.com).
61 BESTIVAL Isle of Wight, September 7-9. Everyone is part of the
performance at this festival finale. Beyond fancy dress (imperative), it
offers a free-for-all ukulele band (join on MySpace to receive the songs and
chords), a laughter club and an inflatable church for shotgun weddings.
Oops, almost forgot the lineup: the Chemical Brothers, Primal Scream, Calvin
Harris, Bonde do Role, Gossip, Kate Nash and more, more, more (£115; www.bestival.net).
62 STAGE YOUR OWN
If you find the list of what’s on offer this summer too dizzying to
contemplate, it isn’t as hard as you think to throw a miniature festie for a
smattering of your own jolly friends. Some tips:
Find a site There are farmers willing to rent out fields for minimal
charge to would-be festival organisers over long weekends. It’s obviously a
good idea to establish terms – especially sound levels – first. Try Eco
Retreats, a tepee village near Machynlleth, in Wales (www.ecoretreats.co.uk),
or Eweleaze Farm, near Weymouth (August only; www.eweleaze.co.uk).
Or there’s your own garden...
Ensure comfort Everyone brings their tents, of course, although you
could set up a gazebo (www.argos.co.uk)
or indulge in a vintage Airstream trailer (www.ebay.co.uk)
– they’re the new VW camper vans.
Provide the sounds Let the emphasis be on live music, with everyone
making a contribution – an upside-down bucket and stick will do. Feed the
hordesMake posh kebabs – a sheep on a spit, sauces, nice bread and tzatziki.
Don’t forget to recycle the paper plates.
Lay on entertainment An assortment of willing people and a surreal
fancy-dress theme is all you need. Procure some fruity wigs and puerile
props – laughing gas, Hula Hoops, whoopee cushions, pogo sticks, party
trumpets and fly swats, for patting bottoms. Do some roly-polys, instigate a
limbo competition, form a conga, then a rival conga, then bury all your
clothes. Call the ensuing chaos a festival.
GET FIT
63 RIDE THE SLEEPLESS IN THE SADDLE MOUNTAIN-BIKE RACE Catton Park,
Derbyshire, August 11-12. Some 1,400 riders do a circuit for 24 hours to see
who can chalk up the greatest distance. Social as well as competitive, with
a festival vibe, BBQs, beers and camping. Be fit (www.konasits.co.uk).
64 LEARN SPEEDMINTON A hybrid of tennis, badminton and squash, played
with a shuttlecock that reaches 175mph. Blackminton – the in-the-dark
version, yet to hit these shores – is played in fluoro kit on a fluoro
court. It’s proper wacky (www.speedminton.co.uk).
65 SWIM TO BESTIVAL September 7. Do a charity swim across the Solent to
the Isle of Wight’s Bestival – with one of the Cuban Brothers shouting
encouragement – and deserve your good times (www.bestival.net).
66 SWIM ACROSS LAKE WINDERMERE September 1. Another swim, joining an
annual dip into the silky waters of England’s largest lake, taken at any
pace from a potter to head-down front-crawl racing. Afterwards, it’s hot
chocolate, flapjacks, bonfires and music. Kids welcome – with the requisite
swimming badges (www.outdoorswimmingsociety.com).
67 RUN THE MARATHON OF BRITAIN: COAST Devon, July 12-14. A three-day,
103-mile moor, river and coast mini Marathon des Sables. Participants
frequently choose brisk walk and banter over serious running, though it’s
worth training for (www.ambitionevents.com/mobcoast).
68 DO THE TIMEX WOMENONLY TRIATHLON Dorney Lake, Eton, June 30. A safe
space to explore cross-training, body-buffing and adrenaline surges without
being lapped by some show-off City hot shot on a £2,000 bike. Welcoming for
all comers (www.humanrace.co.uk/womenonly).
RIDE YOUR BIKE
Five epic bike rides with picnicking opportunities
69 BOW TO NOTTING HILL, LONDON, ALONG THE REGENT’S CANAL 10
miles, about two hours. It’s like stepping back to the 1970s.
70 BODMIN TO PADSTOW, CORNWALL 17 miles, two to three hours. One of the
country’s most popular routes. Reward yourself at the end with one of Rick
Stein’s fish soups.
71 COLERAINE TO THE GIANT’S CAUSEWAY, CO ANTRIM 22 miles, three
hours. A sea-sprayed ride to the jaw-dropping Giant’s Causeway.
72 ASHBURTON TO TAVISTOCK, DEVON 20 miles, three hours. Across
Dartmoor. Hard work, but beautiful, with excellent chip shops.
73 MILLENNIUM COASTAL PATH, CARMARTHENSHIRE 17 miles, two to three
hours. Through the Pembrey Forest to the Millennium Coastal Park. Pure
magic.
74 HAVE A PERFECT PICNIC
A ham sandwich made with white bread from Fresh Loaf (from £3.10; www.freshloaf.co.uk),
Denhay air-dried ham (£8.90 for 230g; www.denhay.co.uk),
baby lettuce from Secretts (£9.99 for 200g; www.secretts.co.uk)
and Moffat mustard (£2.25; www.uncleroys.co.uk).
Gladys May’s Braddock White duck eggs, from Clarence Court
(available from Waitrose, Sainsburys and Booths), with Daylesford Organic
celery salt (£29.40; www.daylesfordorganic.com).
A punnet of organic strawberries from your local farmers’ market (www.farmersmarkets.net)
or Abel & Cole (www.abelandcole.co.uk).
Lemonade from Innocent or Whole Earth Foods (available at all good
supermarkets and health-food shops).
Cornish saffron cake from A Gold (£3.95; www.agold.co.uk).
A sunny day; a tree; an appetite (see bike rides, above).
DO SOMETHING WITH THE KIDS
75 BE A CLUB KID Victoria Park, E9, August 10. This summer’s main event
for 14-to 17-year-olds is the UK’s first “credible” children’s music fest,
Underage. It’s alcohol-free, with plenty of council-endorsed security, but
as the promoter is 14, there is no risk of grown-ups spoiling the party (www.myspace.com/underage_club).
76 COOK AT RIVER COTTAGE Dorset, July 31 and August 6. Hugh
Fearnley-Whittingstall’s River Cottage runs Grab and Cook days. Included are
pick-and-nibble tours of the veg garden, burger, pizza- and smoothie-making
lessons, and a tea party (www.rivercottage.net).
77 GO FAIRY-SPOTTING Step one: find a magical spot as far from human
interference as possible. Step two: sit down quietly and keep your eyes
peeled. Step three: believe. More advice at www.fairylandtrust.org.
78 NURTURE THEIR INNER A-LISTER If your kids are convinced they’re the
next Lily Allen or Will Smith, a week of performing arts at a national
holiday workshop will win you unlimited parental brownie points – to be
cashed in at a later date, obviously (www.stagecoach.co.uk).
79 BE GREEN At the Centre for Alternative Technology – in a pretty part
of Mid Wales – parents can find out about organic gardening and renewable
energy, while children invent things, play in an eco-adventure playground
and become better citizens than us (www.cat.org.uk).
80 DO THE VILLAGE FETE THING The clever yet kind people at Innocent
drinks are holding village fêtes countrywide, including a big one in
Regent’s Park (August 4-5). There will be flower-arranging, welly-wanging,
homemade cakes and coconut shies (www.innocentdrinks.co.uk).
GET BACK TO NATURE
81 WALK THE COUNTRY The 191-mile coast-to-coast trek from the Irish Sea
to the North Sea is one of the most romantic in the country. The record to
beat is 46 hours, 49 minutes, but most saunter it over two weeks (www.coast2coast.co.uk).
82 ROCK OUT IN THE WOODS Why settle for music in muddy fields when you
could be dancing as the sun sets at Gloucestershire’s Westonbirt Arboretum?
The Forestry Commission’s Forest Tour sees 25 gigs in seven forests, by,
among others, Blondie, Travis, Jools Holland and the Royal Philharmonic.
Afterwards, hug a tree (June 7-July 22; www.forestry.gov.uk/music).
83 BE COUNTERCULTURAL Half Life, an art installation in Argyll staged
by NVA (Nacionale Vitae Activa), is by day a journey through Neolithic rock
carvings and hill forts, and by night a performance set on thousands of cut
logs in a forest (September 4-17; www.nva.org.uk).
84 GET NAKED IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN Cornwall, June 23. A huge
naturists-meet-naturalists gathering among the rainforests and olive groves
of the Eden Project – so thankfully tropical and temperate (www.edenproject.com).
If you find yourself developing naked ambition, there is also Nudefest
nearby on the same weekend (www.nudefest2007.com).
GO WILD
85 WATCH A MEXICAN WRESTLING MATCH Bethnal Green, E2, last Thursday of
the month. Think WWF caught acting out its fetish fantasy, as professional
wrestlers in tight rubber pants and gimp masks hurl each other round a ring.
Fight, fight, fight, fight! (020 7739 7170, www.myspace.com/luchabritannia).
86 ATTEND A SEANCE “Why let death get in the way of a good
conversation?” ask the Last Tuesday Society, whose very able, very shy
medium Margot Forbes can converse with the dead famous, dogs and even ducks
(“Quack”). Catch the Hendrick’s Seance at the Port Eliot Lit Fest (July
20-22, www.porteliotlitfest.com).
87 THROW A POSH TEA PARTY ON PARLIAMENT SQUARE What better way to while
away a nice summer’s day? Before flaunting the family china and offering
wafer-thin cucumber sandwiches to tourists, do seek the Home Office’s
permission – and read Dan Kieran’s I Fought the Law (Bantam £9.99) for
inspiration.
88 JOIN A HASH HOUSE HARRIER CLUB A what? It’s a drinking and running
club (yes, simultaneously), and they’re setting up all over Britain. The
“hare” sets a trail for “harriers” and “harriettes”, with beer stops to
ensure a mad, fuzzy zigzag to the end. And it doesn’t stop there – harriers
then enter the “circle” for ceremonial rituals, where the drinking games can
be as competitive as the race itself (www.hhh.org.uk).
89 LARGE IT AT GARY’S PLACE Shoreditch trendies in search of a
culture fix have been heading to Rich Mix for arty films, edgy exhibitions
and underground music. Rock up on the last Friday of the month for Dionysian
parties courtesy of the bon viveur Gary Fairfull, with party queen Pam Hogg
on the decks (www.richmix.org.uk).
SEE AND BE SEEN
90 BREAKFAST AT DAYLESFORD ORGANIC Posh and well reared describe both
the clientele and the food at this Gloucestershire hang-out. Munch organic
eggs benedict while pretending not to stare at famous day-trippers (Liz and
Arun, Kate and Pete). There’s now a branch in Pimlico, so Sloanes needn’t
travel too far (01608 731700, www.daylesfordorganic.com).
91 LORD IT AT ARTESIAN The glam London drinking dendu jour. Sip Suntory
whisky and vintage Guyanan rum at the David Collins-designed bar, topped
with lilac marble, or get serviced on a silk banquette (Langham hotel, W1;
020 7636 1000).
92 SIP BLOODY MARYS AT THE SPOTTED PIG Manhattan’s first gastropub has
been buzzing of late, but not everyone knows about the secret third-floor
clubhouse; Lily Allen, Bono and Jay-Z hang out there (www.thespottedpig.com).
93 DRINK HOT CHOCOLATE AT THE COPPER KETTLE Bamburgh, a secluded beach
42 miles north of Newcastle, has become a top haunt for the northeast’s
intrepid surfers. The thing to do is settle down in the cosy tearooms while
you watch the boys wakeskate (01668 214315).
94 OUTRUN THE PAPARAZZI AT MADDOX The new Mayfair boîte is poised to
steal the diamanté crown from its sister club, Movida. Bag ringside seats to
watch the celebrity circus (P Diddy, Russell Brand, Wags and reality-TV
fodder), and be sure to reapply your lip gloss after quaffing Cristal – the
paps will be waiting (www.maddoxclub.com).
STAY UP ALL NIGHT AT ...
95 AQUARIUM Where the London club kids head after a Sunday night out.
Pool parties are the big selling point. Expect to take your top off and not
be terribly with it at work on Monday morning (256-264 Old Street, EC1; 020
7253 2558, www.clubaquarium.co.uk).
96 THE GRANBY This fabled northern late bar attracts ravers, indie kids
and the Mancunian media gang, all of whom seem to like copping off in the
pub’s candlelit club (84 Princess St, Manchester; 0161 236 3786).
97 THEKLA SOCIAL The waterbound club is a favourite with Bristol’s
art-school music set. Fall overboard as the hottest new indie bands play
live sets (The Grove, East Mud Dock, Bristol; 0117 929 3301).
SEE THE SUN RISE
98 On the beach at Mersea Island, near Colchester, Essex, with a flask
of hot tea.
99 On a hilltop on Islay, looking across the Sound of Jura, Scotland.
100 From the rooftop hot tub on the eighth floor of the Bauer Il
Palazzo hotel, Venice.
The mighty Mongol Rally in fact departs from Hyde Park on the 21st July 2007. There will be a 1 kilometre line of 200 rubbish cars preparing to make the trip to Mongolia in aid of some fantastic charities. Come along to see them cross the start line, and be entertained by some Mongolian throat singers!
Mongol Rally, Bristol,
Sounds like this summer is going to be tons of fun for everyone. Want something just a bit more different than the events talked about in the article. Visit http://www.marquisofwinchesters.co.uk/ we re-enact the life, times and battles of the English Civil War. Great social event, free camping, and loads of fun during the day, and it's not just once a year, it's about 10 times a year.
Annette, Ringwood, Hampshire