This is what gets me about the debate about prostitution, this speculation of
motive as if it were some profound secret that only a team of crack shrinks
can unlock. “Why did he do it?” “What did he feel?” “How could he? Why would
he? But he had a girlfriend!” “Is his penis microscopically small?” “He must
have harboured subconscious murderous thoughts towards his mother.”
For six years I was addicted to prostitutes. All the symptoms were there: the
racing pulse; the hyperventilation; the inability, when the red mist of lust
descended, to walk away; the exhilarating high before and the crushing low
after; the cack-handed attempts to blot out shame, if only for a few minutes
- usually by buying more sex. Why did I crave prostitutes like a crackhead
craves drugs? Because I wanted to feel nothing; oblivion feels good when
you've had a bad day at work, or are hung-over.
First, let me explode some myths about Johns. Things that I have never been:
ugly, unemployed, smelly, intellectually subnormal, illiterate, uneducated
or proud of what I've done. Like most people, I can be decent company and I
can be an idiot. I've always had a good, if distant, relationship with my
family (hand on heart, I can tell you that I like my mother) and I've had
girlfriends most of my adult life. I'm young (35) and married, thank God, to
a woman who knows about my past and whom I'd never betray. It's true I used
to drink too much and, like the urge for cigarettes, the urge for paid sex
evaporated only when I dried out. All addicts crave that headspace where
nothing else matters. I'd get there with alcohol, and when the next day the
hangover began, I'd get there again with sex. The hedonist's dilemma, I call
it.
As a teenager I was packed off to an all-boys boarding school, where I was
lonely and hated the group mentality. I lost my virginity at 15 but, like
many boys of my background, my primary sexual relations were with the women
in porn magazines. I emerged from school a man of average height and of
average temperament, if a little intense sometimes, with a below-average
ability to relate to the opposite sex. My problem wasn't that I couldn't
shag women; I just couldn't talk to them. My first time was in Amsterdam on
my 18th birthday. I was drunk and high and with six friends from school who
had decided that a brothel was on the agenda. Did it feel like crossing a
line? Not really. I couldn't get it up and, afterwards, when the collective
bragging began - the word “stallion” was bandied about - I lied. I remember
thinking: “That was worse than popping my cherry!” The experience didn't
leave me craving paid sex. What did remain were the lessons I'd already
learnt from pornography: that women were there for one thing.
I don't know where the statistic that one man in ten has used prostitutes
comes from. I'd say that 50 or 60 per cent of men have been to one at least
once. I don't think most men like to talk about it even among themselves,
but every now and again somebody lets something slip, usually when drunk.
She was a “nice Swedish girl” or “good” or “professional”. “Good” means that
she acted it all out and hid the fact that she found you abhorrent. As for
“professional” ... A friend told me about a place he went to in Chelsea:
there were two women there, watching Friends. “Choose one,” he was told. He
had found it unprofessional that the girl he hadn't chosen was obviously so
delighted to have wriggled out of sex with him. “She just skipped off,” he
told me.
You have to be deluded to think that a prostitute likes having sex with you.
But you appreciate any woman who lets you suspend your disbelief. A “good”
prostitute doesn't look at her watch in the middle of proceedings, or let
you know that in paying for sex you have become everything that women hate
about men.
Why do men go to prostitutes? To shag, is the short answer. It's a mistake to
associate paid sex with feelings. Better to associate it with a lack of
feelings, a big frightening void, an inability to communicate sexually and
emotionally with a partner. Shagging a prostitute won't sort out emotional
problems. You don't lie there pouring your heart out or wanting to save her
from her miserable life. Why does a man need a prostitute if he's got a
lovely girlfriend at home? No matter how beautiful the woman he's sleeping
with, he just wants someone different, and then wants someone different
again. Someone to take him out of his current reality, of which self-hatred
is a decisive aspect. I never have sex with the same prostitute more than
once.
By the time I had sex with a second prostitute four years had passed. I was in
Central London, hung-over, and saw a card in a phone booth. A thought passed
through my brain: “If I ring that number, I could be having sex in five
minutes.” Suddenly the desire to have sex became so physically overwhelming
that I was having difficulty breathing. Ten minutes later I was on a thin
mattress with an older English woman. It was an unmemorable experience but,
given the alcoholic mess that my life was becoming, the physical act was
comforting. For maybe eight minutes life became a bubble, a bosom and a
womb, a room full of cotton wool. And then I'd come to and there was a woman
I didn't know leaving the room and always, without fail, the smell of
bleach.
By the time I stopped using prostitutes, I was teetering on the brink of
triple figures. At my worst I was seeing three women a week, usually in Soho
where, at the time, you could buy full sex for £20. The urge to have sex was
always worst when I was hung over. And anxiety is a great aphrodisiac.
I've walked out only twice - once when the prostitute turned out to be 50-odd,
once when I found the girl chained to the bed (I didn't know if it was real
or part of the act). And that's another myth about this business, that a
punter will have a Richard Gere moment and rescue this woman from her
misery. What are you going to do, give her £5,000? Some women I met I
couldn't believe were working as prostitutes. One German girl was very
educated - something bad must have happened to her. I did try to find her
again to give her the number of a friend who could get her work, but the
place had been shut down.
Some men claim that they go for the conversation but, come on, you don't go to
a brothel to talk. “Hello,” she says. “Hello,” you say. “Where are you
from?” “Naples”, she replies. Like a prat, you say: “Oh, I've been to
Italy!” “Where are you from?” she asks, with zero interest.
“Er, England.” That's about it.
The longest conversation I've had was spent talking about what she did at the
gym. But mostly you don't speak. To get you in the spirit of things there
might be a hardcore video blaring from a TV set. In the back of your mind
self-disgust mingles with the conviction that you're not that bad, she's had
to sleep with worse. Prostitution is a degrading experience for both
parties. As a punter, it's not good for your self-esteem, and costs quite a
lot. More likely than not, you've got problems. And more likely than not, so
does she. A prostitute on Berwick Street once told a friend that he reminded
her of her ex-boyfriend and as “a treat” she didn't make him use a condom.
He was drunk, of course, and wildly frightened afterwards. Was this her
revenge? Was she messed up? Did she have HIV? Did he now?
There are few totally happy addicts; we tend to feel like outsiders, which
makes us do what we do. But when I went to AA I saw a room full of people
just like me. I was all alienated, and suddenly here were these people
telling me that they felt exactly as I did. They described the five, ten, 15
minutes before the drink or drugs or poker game or woman when you go mad,
when you think, I can't not do this. They described the state of mind, the
“I shouldn't do this”, the breathlessness when it's happening and the
pathetic shameful emptiness afterwards. They described mulling over the
potential consequences - and doing it anyway. They described feeling unique
and isolated. After a while I realised the most shameful truth of all: I
wasn't different at all.
Interview by STEFANIE MARSH
There can be other reasons for men going to visit prostitutes. A friend of mine was adopted. He started visiting prostitutes and some time afterwards found out that his birth mother was a prostitute. Was he looking for her all along?
Suzanne, London,
I agree with Claudia. Most ( not all ) men will take anonymous sex at any given opportunity. Paid or unpaid. That is what men do. It has nothing to do with being bitter or cynical. It is just a fact of life
Sarah G, London,
I've been single for nearly 3 years, largely through choice because my previous relationship meant I was unwilling (or unable) to place all my emotional eggs in one basket again. I went without sex for nearly 2 years as a result because, as Andrew below puts it, I didn't want to face "When will I see you again" or "It would never have worked between us".
Over those 2 years, my feelings towards sex went from "miss it" to "actually I can live without it" to "this is driving me up the wall". Then just as I started to contemplate paying for it, I met a girl in a club who, ironically, turned out to be an escort. We stayed together briefly but I ended it because she showed no interest in wanting to leave the industry behind. Although I was becoming more attached to her as a person, she, an intelligent, young, attractive person, seemed 'institutionalised' - easy money for little work (if measured in terms of time invested), paid-for trips all around the world, with no commitment.
Peter, Manchester, UK
Interestingly, one of her regular clients is a blue collar worker who saves up for his visits to her, then comes round, she cooks him a meal and they spend the evening watching telly together. Sex happens maybe once in a dozen visits.
Peter, Manchester, UK
"Human nature" means our animal nature if you've never noticed.
That label is used for our 'natural' responses, whether emotional or biological. What makes us human is our ability to reason. Or some of us...
Robert Wilson, Los Angeles, California
I also noticed how many women, who work as prostitutes,
hate men, whom they serve (they can not hide this, it is just written on their faces). Unfortunately I had only hookers in my life (like an author, I have problems talking to normal women), and I must say that I do not understand why these women work as prostitutes if they hate men so much.
IG, Atlanta, US
I was addicted to prostitutes for a few years. It has ruined my life. My wife is divorcing me because she thinks I have never loved her. My 22 month old son who I love more than anything will now grow up without his daddy. A lot of people who I regarded as friends have dis-owned me and now think I am scum. I always wanted to stop what I was doing but I didn't know how.
m, Guildford,
If humanity was free to follow it's natural instincts and urges, we wouldn't be here today.
An honest and interesting account, John.
Paul, London,
i have used prostitutes and thank them for doing it bcos otherwise i would be a more frustrated and twisted person. Reality of having girlfriends these days is that you have to have certain levels of income and a lot of peripherals before you can get a good girlfriend ( also many women just dont want to have relationships at all and are quite happy just having a single existence)
Dev, Perth, Australia
Hepatitis C + HIV!!!!!!!!
Tim, london, UK
How can having sex with someone you KNOW doesn't want to have sex with you a turn on?! AND just because you pay for something doesn't make it ok! Even the one 'former' prostitute who wrote on here wrote 'until i got out of it!'. Its completely degrading to women! Have abit of repect!
Sophie, Stockholm, Sweden
To GM and some of the other respondents, I would like you to define "human nature," and to point out the codon in our DNA that codes for human nature. The fact is, yes we have a biology, but we fundamentally differ from other animals with respect to culture. We are not exclusively ruled by our biology given that our biology is shaped by our cultural environment, any good social anthropologist will tell you this. This is a very complicated argument, but those of you in favor or prostitution are clearly in denial about many things. You have forgotten that the feelings of a partner matter as much as your urges, that prostitution spreads disease, that it forces many women into violent and dangerous situations, that it perpetuates subdugation and poverty...the list goes on. The vices simply outweigh any virtue. And I also agree that sex within a partnership should not be associated with power. However, turning to prostitution is just like taking an eye for an eye and helps no one.
Ryan, Lexington, United States, KY
I am a woman - and not considered physically atrractive, still wondering at 42 what you men still find irresistible about women? That you will give up a loving home life with one woman, to do this sort of thing, with another?
What is it? Tell me!
Ms BW, Canberra,
One man that hasnt been can still speak about the things most young men have been through.Its a phase a most young men's lives at one point or another.Happily most outgrow and move on and this writer did.Hope the others who thought they are alone realise they are not and continue to find a way out.The problem with this country is the men dont share experiences anymore cos maybe their misses wouldnt like the impression other people will get of them
Daniel, Milton Keynes, England
I think Lan has raised a valid point. As many people are putting forward the idea that sex is a natural urge that has to be fulfilled regardless of emotional ties such as marriage, then how would they respond if these prostitutes were underage? Sex would still be fulfilling a 'natural urge'. I think some people on here are choosing what morals do follow for their own gain, to make it acceptable to 'play away from home' to feel better about themselves.
Louise, London,
Its a pity to associate prostitutes with shame, not enlightenment. Taoist meditators used to live in brothels. The strange feelings, breathlessness etc described by the writer are just manifestations of sexual energy. Nothing wrong at all.
michael clarke, london, uk
I am agreed on that there is always an escape from the life of prostitution, I still believe that people should have more control on their behaviour. There is no requirement for this when there is a huge market in pornography.
Modou Monken, L'lafair, Morocco
Someone was frightened because they didn't use a condom once ... if the interviewee had sex with nearly 100 prostitutes and used condoms, his HIV risk is roughly the same as if he had had sex with between 5 and 10 prostitutes without them ...
Richard, Munich,
I found myself reading and thinking the author exemplified the soul of journalism and the bravery of honesty
*Cheers*
Laura , Seattle, WA
Much of the mutual loathing of punters and whores is Western and cultural. I sometimes paid for sex in the 1980s while travelling abroad on business, and have never forgotten the sweet Thai girl in Hamburg who insisted we should kiss and adjusted my tie afterwards like a wife. My late mother, who was a good Polish Catholic, liked prostitutes, thought men were simply weak, and that the English were too hung-up about sex.
Alex, London,
Claudia tha's simply not true. Men are as complex and emotional as women.
Just as you have both instinctive and spiritual needs, so too do men, and it is not unusual for people to have great difficulties reconciling the two, as they often conflict.
The prostitute meets the instincive need for sexual relief, but it leaves a spiritual void, knowing that you have both used someone and been used by someone and that some form of love, or at least mutual respect, had nothing to do with your encounter.
In the long run using them will only make the user feel bad. if the urge to use them is that strong, it may be helpful to find a higher urpose in life.
john M, London, uk
I feel for the author of this story as I have a similar 'habit' of sleeping around with men I meet in bars or on the street, usually when my husband is away for business meetings or traveling to meet clients... he's a very busy man so he's clueless to how I bide my time while he's away. Its a lot of fun, I meet different men and it adds excitement to my otherwise quite dull life.... however, I have started feeling a bit guilty lately as I recently got pregnant, by our milkman actually, but my unsuspecting husband was overwhelmed with joy as he thought the baby was his! (i just hope it's not twins..!!) It has made me cut down on my 'evenings out' but I just cant control my urges so I feel it may be only a temporary halt on the ''routine'' in my life..... I feel it's totally out of my control and if my husband were to find out and ask me to stop, I'd probably leave him with the baby that isn't his, and run off to a massage parlor or something! Help?
Roxy, NY, USA
This whole discussion is from a status-quo perspective, which is largely values usually called 'feminine' - love, home, family, children, etc. Christianity is of this view also - condemns adultery, eyeing they neighbor's wife, etc.
I say those values alienate men from their intrinsic biological selves and are basically exploitative. Men can choose to be monogamous, but are not by nature, a fact that is anathema to a lot of women.
Forcing men into values where there is only one acceptable supplier of sex gives the woman enormous power. Male sexuality is regarded with contempt and routinely exploited. But where is the responsibility that goes with power? Like - values that say withholding sex to get power is evil? Or that creating children to trap men is really evil? A woman lies to a man to get pregnant, exploiting his most basic urge (propagate his genes). He gets 20 years of raising and paying for a child he didn't want - 20 YEARS - but she hasn't even commited a crime!
Randy Gabriel, Pasadena, CA
sure, claudia. whereas we could say women don't like sex, but they put up with it for material gain and there is no love involved on their side either. and then we could apply that to all women and say they're all whores, incapable of loving men.
or would that be an inappropriate extrapolation?
jem, london, uk
Wow, some of the responses have shocked and saddened me. It seems there is very little value placed on our fellow humans in this day and age. David, Surrey ..Id just like to say we are not animals, why do people persist in equating ourselves literally sometimes to mere beasts, but i guess its not suprising when we act like it. Nick Mortimer..monogamy is natural its just most like to get there own way and choose not to develop, learn and take into consideration Loyaltly and Love. I wonder would those who seem to think prostitution is OK and whitle it down to us being animal like and operating in our supposed primal urge to procreate take the same view if these prostitues were under the age of consent..after all..we are just animals right?
I look forward to reading your replys
Lan aka DK, Keele University,
"All the symptoms were there: the racing pulse; the hyperventilation; the inability, when the red mist of lust descended, to walk away; the exhilarating high before and the crushing low after; the cack-handed attempts to blot out shame, if only for a few minutes - usually by buying more"
I get like this about designer handbags, Chanel Fendi Jimy Choo etc. We all have our 'thing' in life - I would n't worry about it if I were you. If its not one thing in life, its another. My husband likes golf.
Sunita Russell, Northwood, Middlesex
I think if this story is true, the author needs help, and please dont go to AA meetings as an excuse, you would need to see a therapist or psychologist at least twice a day to cure whatever the hell is wrong with you. Because it's not normal, and no one will put up with such a stupid sob story as an excuse for your sordid past.
emma, CA, USA
this is so blatantly scripted and written by a female journalist working from some female Harriet Harman style script.
To the editor - if you cant fill your paper don't make stuff up.
There are a million and one reasons men pay women for sex just as there are a million and one reasons women now pay men for sex.
Prostitutes provide an invaluable service to the community and this should be recognised with full legal recognition, tax and status, not increasing criminalization and marginalization as proposed by Labours feminist cronies.
cheryl lawton, London, UK
i wonder what the response be if a woman wrote this article about her seeking prostitution with a man...would everyone's sentiments change?
gw, london, uk
It's difficult to encapsulate all the different aspects of sex without drifting into platitudes and even upsetting some guys or gals. For instance, I could'nt pay for "it". Always had the unconventional idea that to be wanted sexually was a great part of the kicks - for both sexes. I got seduced at the age of thirteen by the local vicar's daughter (same age). It was far more exciting than anyone might think, considering the ages involved. Taught me a lot. At fourteen I read an old chinese saying : "sex is a weak man's terror, but a strong man's power" Once that philosophy becomes ingrained there's no place left in one's psyche fpr prostitutes, it represents both weakness and exploitation, and frankly, I'd feel less a man to indulge, eeven if it was the best looking woman ever to get out of bed.
John, Westcliff on sea, Essex England
I also use prostitutes all the time as my job takes me to far flung places in the world - Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos and now based in the Philippines. I always use condoms. I find it a stress relief from my pressurising job and a release from the everyday norm.
peter s., Manila, Phil.
There is a huge difference between Love and Sex, many men (and many women too if we can be honest!) know full well what the difference is and rarely get confused.
It is entirely possible to be in love with a woman and still have casual sex elsewhere. There is no contradiction there whatsoever. I here people say things such as "If the relationship was really that great then there would be no need for the man to stray". But sorry that is just rubbish.
Many married women think that the emotional ties of a loving relationship is more important than sex, especially the ones who do it less and less and start using it as a "special treat" fpr their man as though they were rewarding a loyal dog.
Many men will continue to need sex right up until they are dead or things stop working, they are not looking for love, or an emotional experience. They are looking for sex in it's most natural form. This is human nature, it is the most natural part of being a man and always will be!
GM, Brisbane,
Everyone wants to keep their cake & eat it.
Go to Havana in Cuba & you have so much thrown at you that it is irresistible.
One does not have to be an addict.
Ask Mick Jagger what he thought when mobs of screaming teenagers threw their knickers at him.
And why do all these same teenage girls get wasted every weekend & talk about going out on the "pull"?
Nature.
Mandrills have blue bottoms; peacocks ditto feathers; 15th & 16th Century men wore cod-pieces.
Now the wheel has turned full circle & girls leave their knickers off.
Supply & demand.
MR M STANISTREET, NERAC, FRANCE
Everyone seems to think that using a prostitute is a symptom of some kind of emotional inadequacy or problem. Feminist fantasy. Men like sex and sometimes a few quid is a better way to get it than putting up with a ridiculously demanding girlfriend. The typical British 'girl power' girl is more than happy to receive gifts and drinks and meals from her boyfriend and should the relationship develop is quite likely to claim an absurd amount of alimony/child support at some point.
Which is better value from the male perspective?
Pete, London,
Did anyone else notice this Freudian slip?
"I never have sex with the same prostitute more than once."
Isn't this all supposed to have been in the author's past? Oops!
D, Philadelphia, USA
As a former sex worker, I must say that I find all this negativity too much. Yes, there are a lot of men who you see only once or twice who are mostly loathsome. However, 80% of my customers were regulars. They just wanted a little variety and some spice that they weren't getting at home.
How did I get out of the life? I mentioned that interest to a particularly favored client and he hired me on the spot as a nanny. I worked for him for a couple of years and we got married. He was divorced long before he hired me. His wife was an incorrigible drunk who beat their kids.
How is our sex life? Wonderful! Does he still see call girls? Yes, and he let's me pick them out for him. You see, I know his tastes.
Cynthia, Saint Paul, MN/USA
There was a time when men and women were proud to be considered civilized, and embraced civlity with great fervor, turning their backs upon savagery. Nowadays, it appears that we cannot wait to run to our animalistic roots to justify our behavior. There is a difference between civilized man and animals, and it is distressing that so many are quick to jettison such things as manners, politesse, rules of society, and civility when it suits them and justifies the satiation of their base urges. I specifically reference the commentary here that monogamy is unnatural.
I remember a scene from the movie The Bounty, where a starving sailor implores Bligh to use his body for food after he is gone. Bligh (played by an impeccable Sir Anthony Hopkins) replies, "No. We are civilized men, and civilized men we shall die." Would that those of us who have enjoyed all the great benefits of civilized society hold it in similar regard, rather than toss it under the bus merely because we got horny.
Reed, Jackson, MS, USA
Nick, then hopefully the men will also understand that their wives also have needs, and if they happen to be young and attractive still with a boorish old husband, then the wife may 'slip' up every now and then as well, as long as she uses contraceptive that is, because wouldn't it be just awful to have several different children from various conquests of hers? And while you're reading this, I'm off to flirt with some men and have some fun.... try not to get too ripped off by the various 'girls' you meet!
naomi, Dublin, ireland
It's all a bit of a fantasy and nothing wrong with having fantasies. The difficulty comes when you take the other person (the prostitute) in to account. Most prostitutes are on drugs, have a troubled history and are destitute. Some have been smuggled and are working against their will (that's rape in my book - not that that's a punishable offence in the UK anymore!). How would you feel if it was some guy paying your mother or sister for sex? Thought so! Reality for the average woman is that 95% of the men she meets on a day to day basis will make her dead from the neck down. However much a guy might try to kid himself, chances are (in 95 visits out of 100!) he'll make the average sex worker want to puke. I guess the drugs help to act as an anaesthetic! And so continues the viscious circle that is a prostitutes life.
Marina, London, England
Am I the only one appalled about the woman chained to the bed?
Rhian , Brighton,
Lighten up, it's only sex between two consenting adults. And as we're animals sex is natural. What isn't natural is monogamy and until we accept that we'll continue to have problems. And women need to understand that men are capable of loving their partner while still playing away from home now and again.
Nick Mortimer, London,
Women are not living in a fantasy world where they imagine men -with dignity and a bit of self respect, in other words, men that they have been brought up along side with in their family/community- are ones they hope they will have as equal partners in future. If a man falls below their expectations, then he's simply not good enough for her and must resort to spending the rest of his money and life on prostitutes whose company he's so become used to.
People fall in love with other people who are similar to them, in values, morals, perspectives or whatever. If one of the partners is lacking in any of those, then they are a bit inferior and therefore, not a 'perfect' match for the other.
Emily, ON, Canada
For a start legalisation is a must. That would help for a great number of reasons too numerous to mention here.
Oh, and Claudia (Atlanta USA), I've never read such twaddle. Real love as you will discover when/if you find it cannot be stereotyped quite so fatuously. It is a blissfull compromise and understanding between two (or more sometimes) people and not a series of one way rules and theories imposed upon each other.
MK, Ostuni, Italy
Loathe as I am to admit it to myself, but I'm not sure how much I disagree with the sentiments expressed by Claudia. I can't help wondering if monogamy, characterised by complete love & devotion between partners, is actually quite contrary to the natural history of our species.
I suppose it could be viewed as such: which primitive males had the greater chance of propagating their DNA? The ones who bred with as many partners as possible and left them to raise their offspring alone, or the ones who stayed with a single partner for life and raised their offspring together?
Daniel, Surrey, UK
Why is this article featured under Women section? Wouldn't it have fitted better under the Men section?
In a way I understand what Claudia,USA means, although her opinion seems a bit too radical. Little girls are too much fed the idea of romance and love,fairy tales being the major 'culprits', so it's very easy to become bitter and resentful towards men when you're hit by reality.Still,that doesn't mean that love does not exist for both genders nor that it's unwanted by men.
As for Pedro, you do know that women pay for sex as well,don´t you? And I'm not talking about any sort of currency here...
Line Larsen, Aarhus, Danmark
John, I hope you notified the police, anonymously or otherwise, about the girl chained to the bed. Good luck in your continued recovery
B, dublin,
There's no happiness in addictions at all. No matter the substance or activity, it's just living the moment and it's over. I'm starting to have second thoughts about my addiction to sex with prostitutes. I'm not going anywhere and that makes my life aimless. My seconds thoughts are deeping because I talked to a wannabe prostitute. What have I done with my life the last 10 years? You don't sleep with the woman of your dreams. Prior to that there are some steps that make sense to marital duty. But sex for money.....
Hector Lopez, Lima, PERU
Stop beating on Claudia, she has twisted vew of men which just needs a bit of re-phrasing to hammer down some points
Men are very much capable of love and can be v romantic, and are very much participating in this love thing, but that does not abscond them from wanting to have sex with different women, married or not. Yes, all are capable of cheating, and those who can, will! Some say a man is only as faithful as his options, its nature that a man will always try to conqure as many women as possible. Those gifted with charm and/or money, do it with anyone they please, those not so gifted resort to prostituion, hence.
So Claudia, get over him, life just too short! everyone else castigating, get out of Utopia.
Sly, London,
What's wrong with Claudia's view?
Women go for status & money.
Men want sex with young attractive women.
Emotions are evolutions excutioner.
ben lowe, the North, UK
Claudia's view is so sad. Not all go, but many boys consider hookers when they're kids who can't get laid. And young ones can't - "nice" teen/young girls are not yet emotionally capable of having sex for fun, but the boys can't do the relationships the girls need. Things change though - a man dealing with grown women is an idiot if he thinks he has to pay or exploit anyone (I'm told by a shrink in the field, over 90% of prostitutes are abusees/druggies/under duress; it's exploitation).
But most boys become men. Then they can either get laid in a mutually satisfying way by nice women who are now secure in that situation, or they become boyfriend material, get a girlfriend and realize what sex is actually for. The look on a man's face the day after he loses his emotional virginity by making love to the woman of his dreams is really something to see. It's like his whole life til then took place behind frosted glass. Indeed once they really fall, men are even bigger romantics than women.
E S, London,
claudia in atlanta. does one of your fairy tales include that women are never unfaithful or have one night stands...? stop beating up on men. we're quite nice actually....
stephen, china, china
Claudia - you have such a wrong view of life, love and men. Such a pity!
Banker, London,
Claudia, nice of you to blame men, been burnt have we?
Doug Bates, St. Albans,
Claudia from Atlanta, from your views you seem to be a sad and very cynical person. Sex with a stranger is not fulfilling. When you build a relationship you do things together - it doesn't matter what, you build a rapport, you understand, you care how someone is. The sex can become love and it can become so much more fulfilling and you can trust someone. Without this there is a big somethng missing in someone's life; this void is often replaced by alcohol, drugs or both. Therein lay the big problems of our world. I would love to help to make it a better place
Graham, Reading, England
Claudia, Atlanta, USA- what a terribly sad view to have of the world. Hopefully you will find love one day and know that you are spouting utter claptrap.
betty, London, England
It's exactly narrow minded comments like the below from Claudia that lead to men believing they are worthless and incapable of love and, therefore, seek some worth in the arms of a prostitute. Men have just as many insecurities as women (try really reading the article above) and actually what they crave just as much as women is Love. I cannot abide people who class all men as incapable of love. And your comment re reading children stories about Hookers, is actually quite tasteless and not what this story is talking about at all. Perhaps if you were open to the idea of love and being loved then I guarantee that you would find a man who was willing to love you right back.
Nikki, London, UK
Nikki King, London, UK
This sounds made up.
Liam, Glasgow, UK
All male primates pay for all sex...one way or another...
Pedro , El Pinar, Uruguay
Why this is all so scary to women is it seems the more we hear about prostitution, the more we realize the idea of love really is a myth, because men aren't having any part of it.
Oh sure, men may put up the pretense of love to get married and gain society's approval, but what they really prefer, if they are in a position to get it, is anonymous sex, hopefully with women never to be seen again. That is the furthest away from love you can get.
So let's all just start being honest. This "love" thing that we are raised on, and that we all spend so much time looking for, is a myth, like the Loch Ness monster and Big Foot. And we should all just start reading our little girls fairy tales of the 'Hooker and the John', because that's what they really have to look forward to when they grow up, as that's the fairy tale most men want to live.
Claudia, Atlanta, USA
Just get it out of your system, John baby. In the fullness of time you will almost certainly be able to work your way through this affliction, and ration yourself to around five encounters a week. But look on the positive side, at least you bypass “When will I see you againâ€, or alternatively, “It would have never worked between us.â€
Andrew Milner, Yokohama, Japan