When Bill and I got married his relaxed attitude to money amused me. He's a teacher and enjoys his job. I work in medical sales: more stressful, but it pays well. I have, however, become secretly, overwhelmingly, envious of my friends, who can rely on their husbands as the breadwinners.

Our first home was a tiny flat in a lovely area, which was fine even when our first daughter was born. Our second daughter's arrival two years later put a strain on space and finances, so we had to move - and I had to learn to bite my tongue so as not to seem ungrateful.

It was then that I noticed that my best friend Carol's standard of living was better than ours: her husband is a consultant surgeon and their first home was a five-bed detached house. We bought a three-bed ex council house in a nice street, but I couldn't help comparing it with friends' houses. I've had promotions, but Bill has no plans to apply for anything beyond head of department, his current position; I think he should go for a deputy head post. He's a brilliant dad, and with the girls now reaching their teens, I appreciate how well he gets on with them and puts so much effort into their homework and hobbies. I'd never admit this to friends, but I believe that there's more to life than being good parents.

Carol is having a champagne party for her 40th, as well as a week in Paris with her husband and a weekend in New York with their 14-year-old daughter. I pretended to be thrilled, but was sick with envy. I know many people can't take a holiday at all, but we mix with people who have no mortgages, work part time or not at all, can afford private education and have three or four holidays a year.

I want to marry her for money

A reader wonders, when you are seriously considering marriage, should money ever come into it?

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I feel resentful, especially as it's the men who bring in the money; and even if Bill were a head teacher, he wouldn't come close. When out with the girls I hear Susan moan about John's business trips and I have to pinch myself to keep from shouting that his £250,000 salary must make up for some of his absences. Or Trisha: she inherited a house from her parents, which means that though her husband is on a normal salary, she needn't work, and spends her time at the gym. Bill tells our girls that they can achieve anything and I agree, but when they start dating, I'll try to guide them (behind his back) towards men who can give them the sort of life I've never had. Feminism's fine, but there's a lot to be said for having your bills paid.

Do you have a secret? E-mail familysecrets@ thetimes.co.uk

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