The average cost of a wedding has risen to more than £20,000, £5,000 more than
five years ago. A whole industry has built up around the big day, fuelled by
over-the-top celebrity weddings and glossy bridal magazines. Yet you have
only to look at the McCartney-Mills wedding (reportedly about £2 million) to
realise that spending loads is no guarantee of a long and happy life
together.
Denise Knowles, a relationship counsellor at Relate says: “An attitude has
crept in that the grander the wedding, the better the marriage is likely to
be, whereas the reality can be the opposite, and not just if a couple starts
married life in debt. Many of the couples I counsel say that because their
wedding was so amazing there was a huge amount of disappointment when the
ongoing relationship didn't match up. I think there is a danger that people
begin to believe the wedding will be the marriage whereas it is simply the
public proclamation of something that is very private.”
Even before the nationwide purse-tightening it was possible to perceive a
growing trend away from over-the-top spending. The UK website dedicated to
budget weddings, www.cheap-wedding-success.co.uk,
founded by Nicola Ray on her honeymoon, gets more than 1,000 visitors a day.
Chat rooms and blogs have made brides braver and taken the stigma out of
talking about money: they can compare prices and find small local suppliers
who can't afford expensive advertising. And more couples want to minimise
their carbon footprint, which usually brings down costs.
But isn't there a danger that cutting costs can feel like second best? Ray,
whose website is based on her experience of organising her wedding for less
than £5,000, insists not. “For years there was a cookie-cutter approach to
weddings, with budgets completely out of control and the pressure to spend,
spend, spend. Now people are keen to put their own individual twist on the
occasion by doing something themselves to be unique and save money. It helps
that the trend is being set by cool British icons such as Billie Piper, who
held her reception in a pub, so it's all a bit more relaxed.”
Roping in the chief bridesmaid, best man, family and friends to help with
preparations is a return to the way things used to be before wedding
planners were even dreamt of. Melanie Harris, who is getting married in
Hampshire in August and has kept the budget to less than £4,000, says: “A
wedding is a joining of two families, so it's really nice to involve
everyone.”
On a more pragmatic note, Knowles says that far too few engaged couples talk
about how they are going to manage their finances after they are married,
and this often leads to conflict. It may not sound very romantic, but
discussing the wedding budget together - rather than the bride doing her own
thing - is a good place to start.
FAMILY AFFAIR
Sarah Dixon, 25, married Craig Phillips, 24, on March 8 at Chipping Sodbury
town hall. The reception for 85 guests and 130 in the evening was held at a
golf club in Bristol
“I wasn't prepared to compromise. I've dreamt about my wedding day since I was
about 5 and I would have taken out a £10,000 loan and been in debt for years
as long as I had my perfect day. And I had a definite idea of how I wanted
everything to look.
But I just begrudged spending money when there was no need; so many things
seemed a ridiculous price. So every time I saw something I liked at a
wedding fair I thought about cheaper ways of doing the same thing.
“For example, I saw the perfect cake for £800, which my mum and I recreated
with three tiers from Marks & Spencer, polystyrene and silk flowers from
the pound shop.Involving our families made things extra special: we'd get a
bottle of wine and spend the evening with our parents assembling the favour
boxes.
“I was prepared to pay up to £1,200 for my dress, but the one in Oxfam was the
first I tried on, and I knew immediately that it was the one. My friend
persuaded me to try on about 50 more but they all lacked something. When you
say your dress came from Oxfam, people think it's second-hand, but it has
only been on the catwalk.
“We did have to compromise on the venue. I fell in love with a stunning barn
but it would have cost £4,000 just to hire it. We still hadn't found
anywhere two months before the wedding, but then my mum went to a party at a
local golf club, which was free to hire. It was great: the staff did
everything to make the day go smoothly.
“There is nothing about my wedding that I would change; it was such a perfect
day."
TOTAL BUDGET: £5,500
Dress (new from Oxfam) £300 Veil £5, eBay (The groom and best man wore their
army uniforms)
Tiara £12, eBay
Cake £130, Marks & Spencer
Venue for ceremony £100
Reception venue, food
and wine £3,200
DJ Wedding present
Decorations about £80 (balloons, tealights, fresh rose petals)
Flowers £110 (including £30 bouquet of roses, arranged by Sarah's nan, Doris)
Chocolate fountain £200
Invitations £30 (homemade with 12-year-old cousin Luke's help)
Car Dad's Morris Minor, pictured above
Photographer £250 (no album; 900 shots on disc)
Rings £390
ETHICAL WEDDING
Maria Cater, 26, Oxfam shop manager, married Andrew Kirby, 28, a business
planning manager, on May 24 at St Teresa's Catholic Church in Beaconsfield.
Reception for 80 guests and 120 evening at a private members' club in Henley
“As a bride you are almost encouraged to be selfish and although I wanted it
to be a really special day we wanted to do everything as ethically as we
could. For me this encompasses environmental concerns but also thinking
about where things have come from and who makes them. We didn't want to
waste money and we wanted to make sure that we were spending wisely.
“At many stages along the way I thought perhaps I should compromise but I'm
really glad I persevered. It seemed surprisingly complicated to find a
florist prepared to guarantee using English flowers and I was tempted to use
a local company and not worry. At the last minute a colleague told me about
a florist who worked from home and she was happy to use Cornish flowers. I
had to compromise on colours and variety, sweet williams and stocks rather
than roses and astors.
“We shared the cost of the church flowers with the couple who got married the
day before us, and for the reception I bought plants grown in a local
nursery, which I re-potted for guests to take home.
“We went over our budget on the venue because we wanted to serve locally
sourced and organic produce. They added unexpected surcharges for things
such as the organic hog roast and for providing fair trade tea and coffee
(an extra £2 a head) and we had to supply our own Fair Trade and organic
wine.
“I had to make some compromises. I had borrowed my sister's veil, but it tore
so I had to buy a last-minute replacement. And my shoes came from a
dressmaker because I felt comfort was vital. Organising an ethical wedding
took a lot of creative thinking, but it wasn't that hard. One guest even
traveled from Austria by train!”
TOTAL BUDGET: £9,000
Dress £350, Oxfam
Bridesmaids' dresses £130
(Oxfam and Debenham's)
Veil £28.50, BHS
Groom Hired morning suit
Cake Gift made with eggs from a neighbour's chickens
Venue and food £6,000
Wine £450, plus corkage
Flowers £220 (independent florist using English flowers)
Cars Dad's car, and minibuses for guests to reduce carbon footprint.
Photographer £350; via website of new and student photographers
Rings £640 (second-hand jewellers)
Hair and make-up Family friend; Maria did her own make-up
ITALIAN JOB
Simon Crompton describes his big day in London
Ah, but we wuz poor then. Seventeen years ago, Mirella and I cobbled together
our wedding for less than £1,000, mainly because we were stupid enough, and
old-fashioned enough, to buy our first home at the same time as getting
spliced.
So, after deposits, surveys and solicitors' bills, and with parents already
having dished the dosh to help with that, an expensive wedding was out of
the question.
Best way to cut costs? Cut guests. We had an intimate little wedding at the
Italian Church in Farringdon, East London, presided over by a Roman Catholic
priest and a Methodist Minister, and with 14 guests (not counting family),
mainly relatives and family friends. Just enough to fill the altar and the
front row. We made invitations and orders of service ourselves, Mirella's
mum made her a fabulous suit, her dad got a mate to provide the wedding car.
Booking the church on a Monday meant that we had the benefit of a church full
of free flowers left over from the wedding on Saturday, which probably saved
us £100s. I can't remember how much we paid the little choir that echoed
enchantingly from the balcony, but it wasn't much.
The reception was a lingering lunch (£20 a head) in a room at an Italian
restaurant near by. Oh, and we managed to get a cake courtesy of the women's
magazine my sister was working for, in return for Mirella posing for cheesy
bride and cake pictures.
It never felt a bare bones affair for one minute: in a way it was more special
because it was select. Part of me still regrets that I didn't share the
moment with more of my friends. But my Uncle Bob, who has been dragged to a
few of these hitchings, still swears it's the best wedding he's ever been
to. And it still took two years to pay off our credit cards.
