SUZI GODSON

Keren Smedley, the author of Who's That Woman in The Mirror? (Headline, £14.99), says women over 50 should “focus on their good points instead of hankering after the body they had in their twenties”. If you want to learn how, she's running a “looks” workshop on September 27 in London (www.experiencematters.org.uk).

Making small changes to what you eat can make a big difference to your health and weight. Swap pasta, rice and white bread for quinoa, spelt and rye. Opt for skinless chicken or fish instead of pork or beef. Use small amounts of olive or avocado oil rather than butter. Choose low-fat yoghurts and reduced fat cheeses. Add spinach to everything. Make tomato-based sauces rather than cream. Swap coffee for herbal teas (liquorice is particularly yummy).

Once you've looked after your body's health you are halfway to being sexually healthy, too. You should be doing regular pelvic floor lifts to tone your pubococcygeus muscle (www.mayoclinic.com/health/kegel-exercises/WO00119). This is the muscle that prevents incontinence and strengthens orgasm. Although you don't necessarily need any equipment, you might want to invest £29.99 in a pelvic toner (www.pelvic-toners.co.uk) or splash out on a vaginal barbell from the legendary Betty Dodson (http://dodsonandross.com/boutique/sex-toys). Women in the UK are advised to have cervical screening until they are 65 as it's unlikely they will develop cervical cancer after this age.

When it comes to sex, it's a case of use it or lose it. If you haven't yet explored the world of sex toys, a world of good times awaits. There is a wide range of products on the market that are either suitable, or have been specifically designed, for women over 50. Julia Cole, the psychotherapist who designed the Emotional Bliss range of vibrators, says that while 80 hertz generates orgasms in younger women, women aged 40+ respond better to strengths of between 120 and 150 hertz. The Hitachi Magic Wand £44.95 (www.hitachi--magic--wand.com) is still one of the most powerful vibrators on the market, while the Emotional Bliss Womolia rechargeable vibrator (www.emotionalbliss.co.uk) vibrates at nine speeds and warms to body temperature in minutes. Make sure you use plenty of lubricant. Yes does a luxurious range of organic moisturising lubricants (www.yesyesyes.org/products.htm, £23).

Exercise is probably the most important thing you can do to keep yourself mentally and physically fit. If staring at CNN while you Power Plate in a harshly lit basement doesn't do it for you, take a kick boxing class, learn salsa, join the Ramblers' Association, take up golf or discover yoga. And being strong and supple will boost your body confidence and your sexual stamina too. Now all you have to do is find a partner!

Suzi Godson is the author of The Sex Book (Cassell, £16.99) and The Body Bible (Penguin, £16.99)

DR THOMAS STUTTAFORD

Congratulations on having such a positive attitude. Such is the increase in lifespan that it is probable, not just possible, that you still have a third of your life ahead of you. Women shouldn't retire from their usual activities to lead a solitary life after the menopause. It is likely that the best years lie ahead, as their lives will be untrammelled by many of the commitments that may have restricted their activities in earlier years.

Although life expectation has risen, the age at which the menopause occurs has barely increased over the past 2,300 years. It affected women at the age of 50 at the time of Aristotle, at 50 when Islam was founded, at 50 in the Middle Ages and during the Industrial Revolution. Although there are individual variations, the average time of the menopause over the past century has crept up by only a year.

The symptoms may be physical or psychological and usually extend over three or four years. Their intensity varies enormously. Some women barely notice any change, but about 90 per cent notice increased irritability, tiredness and some depression. Fewer than one woman in five has found her libido seriously decreased. But in others, usually the sexually insecure, who need reassurance, it increases dramatically as the proportion of testosterone and oestrogen changes.

If the menopause is associated with severe depression, the libido may fall away. The most obvious physical effect of the menopause, caused by the deprivation of the hormone oestrogen, is that the mucosal linings of the urethra and vagina become thinner and more prone to inflammation and infection. The vagina is less elastic and more vulnerable during vigorous sexual activities. In the three years since your last long-term partnership came to an end it is likely that your vagina has shrunk slightly and may be more sensitive. If it is traumatised, the lining will not be as resistant as it was to infection by thrush or other usually harmless organisms. These are treated easily.

Don't be embarrassed about talking to your doctor about post-menopausal sexual problems. Your GP will have discussed similar ones several times a week for as long as he or she has been in practice. When consulted about painful intercourse after the menopause I have usually suggested that it is perfectly justifiable to have a short course of HRT for a month or two, coupled with hormone-enhanced vaginal creams that improve the quality of the vagina. Soon only the cream will be necessary. Masses of vaginal lubrication will also help, and if the vagina has become narrowed, the use of a dildo may speed up the stretching process.

A short course of HRT has the advantage that if a woman is suffering from peri-menopausal depression, with irritability, excessive lethargy or insomnia, the additional hormones may springclean her psyche. Once she has recovered her old drive she can, and will, meet the challenge of planning with confidence her next 30 years, and, in your case, life with a new partner.

Dr Thomas Stuttaford, the Times doctor, spent many years working in a genitourinary clinic

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