Over the next few months, the short, sharp shock of clearing your desk in a
rush is going to become an increasingly frequent occurrence. Unemployment
figures, currently at 1.82 million, are predicted to rise to 3.3 million by
2010. But losing a job is not just about the disappearance of your monthly
pay cheque. Even more than being rejected by a loved one, being rejected by
an employer can have serious consequences for your mental health.
“The usual emotional cycle is panic and fear, followed by shock and disbelief.
Then anger and depression sets in,” Carole Spiers, a business stress
consultant, says. “It's only once you've gone through these emotions that
you can start to move on.” In some ways, of course, losing a job when all
around you are losing theirs is easier than being singled out in the boom
years.
“You have to realise it's a particular set of economic circumstances,” says
Professor Susan Cartwright, the director of Lancaster University's Centre
for Organisational Health and WellBeing. “You can't see it as a personal
rejection.”
Which is often easier said than done, particularly for those who take
rejection hard. To explain our insecurities, John Bowlby, the celebrated
English psychoanalyst, developed his Attachment Theory. “Your pattern of
attachment is profoundly affected by the childcare we received in our early
years,” says Oliver James, a clincial psychologist and author of They F****
You Up. “In a downturn the most vulnerable are those who would be described
as anxiously attached'. Within this category (about half the adult
population) there are two particularly susceptible types: anxious avoidants'
and ‘clinging resistants'. Anxious avoidants feel easily rejected and
respond with anger and depression; clinging resistants will feel weepy, sad
and abandoned.”
The ability to cope with rejection will, of course, be influenced by a
multitude of factors beyond our upbringing. Personality clearly plays its
part - optimists recover more quickly than pessimists - and later childhood
experience can build up emotional muscle. Toby Young, for example, the
author of the bestselling autobiography How to Lose Friends and Alienate
People, has turned his early career disasters into his personal route to
fame and fortune, but it was events in his teenage years that showed him
that a setback needn't be a full stop.
“I failed all my O levels and my parents saw that as a reason to leave school
and give up. But I went back, took my A levels and got into Oxbridge. That
was a valuable lesson that you can succeed if you keep on trying.” Those
like Young, who earn their living in the media have, by necessity, to
develop coping mechanisms and Young is adept at beating off the rejection
blues.
“I treat each rejection as just more oxygen, each failure as one more obstacle
to overcome. You have to get into the mindset of enjoying being challenged.
When I felt let down by the people who fired me, I just wanted to prove they
were wrong. I was determined to demonstrate that I'm not useless, I'm
actually a person of extraordinary ability.” This steely foundation of self
belief is what keeps many creative people going.
The Oscar-winning screenwriter Ronald Harwood, who wrote The Pianist and The
Dresser, believes that arrogance has played a key role in his successful
career. “In a creative life you have to keep faith with yourself. If you
take the knocks too deeply, it kills the creative process. You have to
believe that the work you do is better than they say it is. I try not to
read any negative reviews.”
Keeping going; don't give up
For others it is dogged determination that sees them through. Judy Blume, the
bestselling children's author, received “nothing but rejections” for two
years before getting her first book accepted. “I would go to sleep at night
feeling I'd never be published, but wake in the morning convinced I would.
Each time I sent a story to a publisher, I'd begin something new. I was
learning more each time. Determination is as important as talent.”
And a faith that “everything will work out for the best” can also be unusually
helpful. Bill Kenwright, the Everton chairman and West End producer, has
chosen a life in which losing is as common as winning, but from his earliest
days as an actor on Coronation Street his upbeat worldview has carried him
on. “I was brought up by Mum to be a believer, to believe that good will
come out of bad. When I lose something at work, I just think that's meant to
be. Something better will come out of it. There's another football game,
another part, another script. I've had more ups and downs than a yo-yo, but
the good undoubtedly outweighs the bad.”
Creative people, of course, have chosen to accept rejection as part of their
terms and conditions. But even if that's not how you saw your job
description, self-belief, determination, optimism and faith will undoubtedly
help the healing process. In addition, you may have to adopt some practical
strategies.
In the early days after a sacking or redundancy, the best policy can be to
talk to someone, either a professional counsellor or a trusted friend.
“However rational you are, the idea that ‘they don't want me' takes over the
brain,” Spiers says. “In order to move on, you have to feel good about
yourself, and to feel good you generally have to find someone independent to
talk to. Usually that's not going to be a family member, since they're
likely to be as worried about the mortgage as you are.”
Grief and fear have to be managed sensitively. “Losing a job is about losing a
place in the world,” Sue Cowan-Jenssen, a psychotherapist, says. “For a lot
of people money represents safety and security. What you have to work out
is, what does money mean? Was all your status tied up with it? You have to
take stock and look at what works in your life. Are you a good parent, a
good friend? You may feel you're a failure, but is that all you are, someone
who works?” The advantage of talking to an outsider is that it helps to
bring reality into focus and, at least for the moment, the reality is that
rejection is likely to remain a constant.
“Recruitment is a rejection process,” says Clive Newton, a senior partner at
Korn/Ferry, a leading recruitment consultancy. “If I'm recruiting in a good
time, I may get 100 applicants for a job; now I'm getting 1,000 and have to
reject 999. One of the helpful things is just to understand the statistics.”
For Newton, an invaluable asset for the recently redundant is a degree of
insensitivity. “The people who are best equipped to deal with a downturn are
those who can say, ‘I'm rejected, but I don't feel rejected'. Those for
whom, no, no, no', doesn't put them off.” But he believes, too, that even
shrinking violets can develop resilience. “The first thing I tell people is
to get fit. If you feel depressed, exercise provides a massive lift. Then I
say, get a life. It's really important not to spend eight hours a day in
front of your laptop. Go out and see friends and family.” For the moment,
too, it's probably wise to think carefully about the jobs you apply for.
“If you've been let go from an industry that's contracting, it may not be
sensible to chase jobs in that industry,” says Professor Cartwright. “It
could be better to see redundancy as an opportunity to do something you
really want to - start a business or re-train - while you have a financial
cushion.”
On the road to recovery
Nina Grunfeld, a life coach and the author of The Big Book of Me (Allen &
Unwin), helps clients to think creatively about their predicament. “Try to
make your recovery as practical as possible. You have to detach yourself
from your circumstances and see them as a logistic exercise. Run your
redundancy like a military campaign, as though you personally are not
involved in the success.” To ensure that you don't sink into gloom, Grunfeld
advises giving yourself constant positive feedback. “Notice what you're
achieving; write down, I've done this today'. And make a list of everything
you've achieved in the past. Ask friends what they like about you.” Doing
voluntary work or learning a new skill, such as a language or IT, can also
keep your spirits up and provide useful infill for any gaps in your CV.
For me, the route to recovery was to take my destiny into my own hands. I
became a freelance journalist. For Kenwright, it was starting his own
company. “When I was an actor, I couldn't bear that feeling of waiting for
the phone to ring. It's like being a slab of meat in a butcher's shop. Now,
if I lose a project, I can decide to dust myself down and start again.”
COPING WITH REDUNDANCY
Anger is your worst enemy
Holding on to it will make you come across as brittle or flat. Often the most
straightforward route out of rage is to talk to a professional.
Consult your GP
He or she should be able to recommend a counsellor to get you through the
worst times.
Do something practical about your anger
Make a model of your office and stick pins in it, or take up kickboxing.
Take control of your worries
If you're concerned about money, don't pretend it's going to be OK. Do a
budget and get advice.
Don't blow your redundancy cash on a holiday
Invest the money in getting fit, physically and mentally.
Seek help
Talk to an occupational psychologist (contact the British Psychological
Society, 0116-254 9568, www.bps.org) or
consider life coaching (020-7222 2199; www.lifeclubs.co.uk).
