Judging by the recent L’Oréal advert featuring Ben Affleck, the cosmetic
companies have realised that young men today are just as obsessed with their
appearance as women are. I know I am. The advert shows Ben cavorting with a
model around a space-age film set advertising the new Vitamax shampoo. The
message to men is clear: get great hair, get the girl.
Whenever I walk into the gym I get a twinge of paranoia as I pass another
L’Oréal advert that states: “You think you look the business, she thinks you
look overworked”. Do I have too many wrinkles under my eyes? Will the pretty
girls stop talking to me if my hair is not perfect? Should I buy some more
moisturiser? Perhaps I should take my father’s advice and be a “real bloke”.
By “real bloke”, he means a man who is smart but who does not really care
about his physical looks and scoffs at any man who does.
I want to know why straight men should not be allowed to take pride in their
appearance. I have spent a small fortune over the past few years on clothes,
haircuts and cosmetic products in the vain attempt to attract members of the
opposite sex. I wear women’s jeans — but more of that later. I have
straightened my hair for about a year and half and, trivial as it sounds, it
has changed my life.
Though men of my father’s generation may scoff, the instinct to groom is an
ancient one — scientists examining prehistoric bodies in the peat bogs of
Ireland have found that one man had Mohawk-style hair, held in place with
something like gel. Another appeared to have had a manicure.
I can certainly identify with the bog men. I spent my teens cursed with curly
hair that was impossible to style. This meant that I never had a fashionable
haircut: when all the other kids were sporting punky spikes or the latest
Beckham cut, I was stuck with an uncontrollable mess. So I had low
self-confidence and did not attract many girls. This equalled one rather
unhappy (and sexually frustrated) teenager.
When I arrived at university, I chose to blow some of my student loan and go
to Toni and Guy. Surely they could solve my problems? When I walked out of
the salon, my hair looked great, but when I woke up the next day it was back
to resembling a bramble bush.
Frustrated yet again, I returned to the salon and asked how the stylists had
achieved such a miraculous transformation of my hair the day before. They
told me to purchase a pair of hair straighteners.
It was an uncomfortable experience. I hovered around the counter in Boots,
trying to appear as though I was not looking at the straighteners section.
Then I grabbed the cheapest pair I could see, a budget pair by BaByliss. I
ignored the smirk on the shop assistant’s face as I hastily paid for them
and ran out. I felt as if I was compromising my masculinity.
This was not the end of my worries. First, I had to master how to use the damn
things. My early attempts resulted in my hair looking rather strange and I
nearly gave up hope. My forehead and the back of my neck were marked with
small but painful burns. Luckily, my female friends took pity on me and
showed me how to use the irons correctly.
Now I could style my hair in any way I wanted. My self-confidence increased
sharply and I restored my sense of manhood by engaging in a series of
relationships with some rather pretty girls. I had never been good at
chatting up women — always the friend, never the lover — so all this
attention came as a bit of a shock.
A relationship with a former university cheerleader, whom I was proud to sleep
with after our first date, ended in tears. But even as she sat me down to
deliver the bombshell that she was moving on, she paused mid-sentence, broke
eye contact and exclaimed: “God! Your hair looks amazing!” Another girl said
that she used to enjoy “messing up” my hair whenever we met — I shall leave
it to your imagination as to her preferred method. She would make fun of how
long I took getting ready and the fact that I would always borrow her ghd
straighteners (generally accepted to be the best on the UK market).
Then, when I turned up at her house once with unstraightened hair, thinking
she would not mind, she took one look and muttered: “Look at the state of
you; you could have at least have made an effort to look nice for me.” On
reflection, I could never win with her.
Most of my friends found the fact that I straightened my hair hilarious, even
the gay ones. My Irish housemates found it incomprehensible. Whenever I went
out, Barry, who lived in the room next to me, would joke: “On the way to get
your nails done, Richie?” Curiously, over time, this fad seemed to catch on
with many of my friends as, one by one, they acknowledged that it was
acceptable to straighten their hair. Then came the great day when one of my
housemates sheepishly knocked on my door and asked if I would straighten his
hair for him. It is now apparent that my friends and I are not alone, but
part of a nationwide styling revolution.
Nina Rahmatallah, a marketing planner for ghd, said: “We have seen a massive
increase in the number of men using hair straighteners in Britain over the
past few years. We estimate that up to 400,000 men own a pair of ghd
straighteners.” At least I am not alone in my vanity. I must admit, most of
my friends are not as addicted to hair straightening and hair products as I
am. I rarely leave the house without “ironing” my hair — as one friend
describes it. If I do, I wear a baseball cap to hide my shameful curls.
The routine I go through, usually twice a day, takes around half an hour.
First, I wash my hair — two lots of shampoo and one of conditioner — and
then I blow-dry my hair while carefully holding a towel across my fringe. If
I do not do this, my fringe puffs up and is impossible to style.
After finishing my fringe, I straighten the sides and then do the main body of
my hair. In the summer, I even have to position a fan so that I don’t start
to sweat, as moisture makes the hair curl again. I have to be careful not to
be in the direct line of the fan, though, as a gust of air can ruin the
whole process.
My friend Lewis Brookes is a 19-year-old student living in Chester, and is
lead guitarist for the indie band Archrivals. He is straight, has a gorgeous
girlfriend and was using hair straighteners long before we met. “I don’t see
anything wrong with using them. If I want my hair to look a certain way, why
is it unacceptable for me to use everything at my disposal? I choose to have
long hair and I want to look my best when I go out,” he told me. “I may
spend nearly as long styling my hair as my girlfriend does, but as long I
feel confident with the way I look, I see no reason not to. I will also
always straighten my hair before going on stage.”
Lewis and I share another vice — we wear women’s jeans. The reason for this is
our slight builds; it can be a nightmare to find jeans to fit our 28-inch
waists. Also, women’s jeans generally have more interesting designs and are
cheaper.
It can be embarrassing, at first, walking around the women’s section of jeans
shops, but you soon get over it. I take pride in the fact that I can get
into jeans that some of my ex-girlfriends could only dream of — I am a size
10 but can get into a size 8. Sweet.
I am worried that this article will make me sound vain, and I suppose I am.
Perhaps this obsession is simply a reaction to the world around me. A female
friend once told me which qualities she looks for in a man: good tan, good
skin, good body, good hair, a good laugh and a good job. No exceptions. Take
note, boys.
GOING STRAIGHT
Key straightening tips for short hair:
1. Wash and towel-dry, then rough-dry with a hairdryer.
2. Creating the right texture for easy styling is essential;
divide your hair into sections, ready to work on individual areas.
3. To save yourself from burnt fingers, use narrow-plated
straighteners and a fine-tooth comb to lift the hair, rather than your
hands. Work your way through each section, picking up the hair with your
comb in one hand and clamping at the roots with the straighteners in the
other. Smooth to the end and repeat if needed.
4. Once you have covered your sections, apply your choice of
styling product to rough or smooth the hair into shape.
SIX TOP HAIR PRODUCTS
ghd mini straightener
For shorter styles, sweeping fringes or shorter “choppy” hair. £69
Philips Bodygroom TT2020 all-in-one bodyshave system
Can be used wet or dry, for all body hair. £34.99
Kérastase Specifique bain prévention
Helps prevent the risk of hair loss. £11
Woody’s headwax pomade
Hemp seed oil and Jojoba give great shine, bees wax provides control. £8.95
Richard Ward deep impact sculpting putty
Great for bad hair days. £3.99
Spiker Distortion styling gum
Flexible gum that lets you control your mess. £8.95
