This time of year, it’s a fair bet that all but the hardiest partygoer will be on some kind of health kick. According to the bright-eyed, fresh-faced and shiny-haired team at the Organic Pharmacy, one should detox four times a year, in tune with the seasons. This is because detox is not just designed to counter the effects of seasonal over-indulgence, but to calm the symptoms of stress and environmental pollution: headaches, poor sleep, anxiety, eczema, weight gain, wrinkles and even hormonal imbalances.

To this end, I find myself sitting in a neat, all-white room with Dr Shamini Singh, attached to a “bio-energetic device” called the Quantum QXCI.

I look a little like something out of a Seventies Open University programme, only without the moustache. Dr Singh has compiled a dossier of my every ache and pain and plugged me in to the technology that, somehow, uses the principles of quantum physics to scan for allergens, viruses, toxins, fungi, and vitamin and mineral deficiencies, which can then be tackled effectively.

In all, 3,500 different measurements are taken. We examine the readings. They tell me which foods I should avoid, measure my mental energy and check all my organs, from my spleen to my heart. I have to say, having been sceptical of the device, I now find myself fascinated. Either the thing is a mind reader or it really has some genuine use. It confirms the results of recent blood tests: an underactive thyroid, low ferratin, folic acid and vitamin B levels.

It also tells me that I have problems with my adenoids (which I do), that deadly nightshades (peppers, tomatoes, potatoes) give me indigestion (yup) and that there is inflammation in my body (a bad back). This makes me well-disposed towards its other findings, which include the excellent news that I have good mental vitality and the less good news that I am both extremely anxious and dehydrated. I also discover that wheat, egg whites, pork and, somewhat bizarrely, honeydew melon don’t agree with me.

I could go on, but there is nothing more dull than another person’s health. Although the machine is whizzy, the real expert is Dr Singh. She prescribes an action plan of supplements and herbal tinctures. Three weeks on and I am feeling comparatively perky. Less sluggish, fewer headaches, and a marked improvement in my digestion. Now for the hard part: keeping it up.

A health assessment using the Quantum QXCI body scanner costs £150. The Organic Pharmacy (020-7376 9200; www.theorganicpharmacy.com)

Times recommends

• Tewkesbury: when the memories flood back
• How I lost the gift of joy for a while
• The A-Z of winter style rules