Poor Hillary Clinton’s ratings may be plummeting, her staff deserting and the Obamarama may have the Big Mo, but our Hills has a secret weapon. She is called Kriss Soterion, the fizzing, blonde, baseball-capped make-up artist who has given Clinton a power makeover of such éclat that it’s knocked 20 years off her – and stolen the headlines from her opponents.

Soterion, who also works for CNN, making craggy politicians look human, and has her own line of cosmetics, prescribed a fresh, dewy look for Clinton. She banned the trademark red lipstick and invented a new plum shade called Debate, applied warm blusher to the apples of her cheeks and slathered her in magical, light-reflecting pancake. Obviously, I want to have what Clinton has, so Soterion couriered over her kit, plus instructions. But would it work for me?

First, I “schmeared” (her word) some white stuff called RetexturCreme all over my face. “This will infuse moisture on contact, fill fine lines and enlarged pores and create a radiant glow under the make-up to follow,” she promised. Then, using a brush, I applied Camoufleur Mineral Concealer onto problem areas around the nose and beneath the eyes. “Also use it on broken capillaries, areas with pigmentation issues and in the depths of deep lines,” Soterion advises.

Next up, Light Diffusing Liquid SPF8, “schmeared” in downward strokes over my face, jaw and forehead for “light reflection and glow”, then dusted with pearlescent loose powder. That base provided the “magical canvas” of neutrals, upon which Soterion’s killer colours were applied. My eyelids received a white coat, followed by charcoal. “Blend the darker colour up and out to add lift.” Then I lined my eyes, panda-style, with a gel, which set in four minutes, to open out and lift the eyes (hence Clinton’s slight stare). Finally, my lips were lined in Delice and covered in the famous Debate lipstick.

I put on a white shirt, stood back and looked in the mirror . . . to see an overly made-up American, the sort of woman who checks you in at Midwestern airports or offers you chicken or beef on Delta Air Lines. I love American women, but, it has to be said – no letters, please, my grandmother was American – they wear thicker make-up than their English sisters, and put enough product in their hair to withstand a hurricane.

Obviously, I appeared much more presentable than before the makeover, when I looked like the result of a cruel crossbreeding experiment between Myra Hindley and Björn Borg. Now, I still looked scary, but in a different way, and while I could imagine going into a stadium or a television studio and feeling confident, the Soterion-Clinton look is definitely not for everyday. It would frighten people.

But, frankly, I am never that ready for a television studio. I like to look “undone”: I use some mascara and lipgloss and reserve slap for “appearances”. After the Soterion makeover, my face was a browny colour and my lips had a tacky feel. It was all too much.

Still, Clinton is sticking with her regime. If you have to look good on the stump all day, every day, and fresh and dewy and female from a distance or on television, the Soterion makeover works, no question. So don’t count Clinton out yet. Her makeover might just win her the White House.

www.krisscosmetics.com

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