“This book gives all women the ability to have orgasms within two weeks, even
if they have never had one before.” This is the bold claim of The
Orgasmic Dietby Marrena Lindberg. Hmm. It certainly shifts books, but
it’s the sort of claim that usually sits in a list that starts with a
promise to cure fallen arches and ends with “gets those stubborn stains out
of carpets”.
It claims to show how cutting out “orgasm killers” and eating chocolate will
bring you to a new more libidinous you. Dear reader, it was my solemn duty
to road-test it for you.
The top line is this: mega doses of fish oil supplements and an ounce of dark
chocolate every day, combined with regular vaginal exercising, a
high-protein low-carb diet and cutting out “orgasm killers” (such as being
on the Pill) will have you climaxing like a porn star. At this point some of
you will have already rejected this diet on the basis that an ounce of
chocolate is not nearly orgasmic enough for you. But stay with me. This is
claimed to be based on science and extensive research.
Funny thing, science and sex. For something so integral to life, sex is
astonishingly underresearched. The act of sex encompasses sexual self and
self-image, intimate relationships, the past, family, society and culture,
and that’s before you even get to the physiological nuts and bolts. It makes
sex a nightmare to study. People habitually lie about their experiences,
response rates to questionnaires are low and who knows whether the answers
obtained represent the true picture. As for those couples who in the name of
scientific endeavour volunteer for their bits to be attached to wires and
machinery while making love, where are they on the scale of normality then?
Especially when I tell you that the fastest time to recorded to reach a
female orgasm in a laboratory was 15 seconds, with the most orgasms in an
hour recorded at a freakish 134. Quite. Anyone can claim anything about sex
and get away with it, as it will be true for someone.
Where the science has been even thinner, surprisingly perhaps, is on anatomy
and function. Although the hydraulic system essential to man’s morning glory
has been studies intensively, it was less than a decade ago that the
extensive nature of the clitoris was discovered by an Australian urologist.
This knowledge has brought a sea change in the way that sexual dysfunction
is viewed. Two decades ago it was widely believed that male impotence
problems were mainly psychological, not physical. Now the situation is
reversed, with physical causes, such as poor blood flow caused by disease or
side effects of prescription drugs, dominant.
Physical causes of sexual dysfunction are being recognised increasingly in
women. But the result of this has been that drug companies, eager to emulate
the success of Viagra, have been quick to investigate ways of providing
quick physical fixes. The most easily measurable way of “fixing” is to
produce an orgasm. At least six different therapeutic paths for female
sexual dysfunction are being pursued by drug companies. All of them have
orgasm as their end point. There is, however, not a shred of evidence to
suggest that women correlate their sexual enjoyment with numbers of orgasms
or even the likelihood of them.
Lindberg, a mathematician by training, recommends taking supplements of the
two omega3 fatty acids found in fish oil: eicosapen-taenoic acid (EPA) and
docoasohexaenoic acid (DHA) on the grounds that they increase dopamine, the
neurotransmitter central to the brain’s reward system. And some research
suggests that this is true. However, the quantities of fish oil supplements
recommended in the book are truly startling. For a 10st (64kg) woman,
Lindberg recommends 2.5g of EPA and 2g of DHA. If you bought Solgar’s Omega3
“700” supplements, you’d have to take eight capsules a day and it would cost
you £96 a month. The US National Institute of Health recommends that an
adequate intake of omega3 for an adult woman is only 1.1g a day.
Even Lindberg admits that this high dosage – which should not be taken, in my
view, without medical advice, especially if you are on other medications –
may cause side effects such as increased blood-clotting time. This means
that the blood is thinned and if, for example, you needed surgery it could
become complicated, as wounds would take much longer to stop bleeding. She
adds that because of the high dopamine levels achieved with fish oils “some
people develop compulsive gambling habits or spending issues”.
Oh, for heaven’s sake, go straight for the dopamine hit by buying a
knock-em-dead frock, and never mind the fish oils. At least you’ ll have
something to show for an empty purse other than all those fishy burps and
the promise of a few extra orgasms.
Lindberg also recommends for its dopamine hit an ounce of dark chocolate a
day. This isn’t much and I suspect that it was prompted by the publisher
rather that any science. At least 4oz a day (a good 500 calories) of
chocolate with a high cocoa content is what you’d need to get enough cocoa
flavonols to increase blood flow, which, rather than the claimed dopamine
increase, is probably the mechanism for any effect on sexual pleasure. As
well as having a blood-thinning effect, fish oils also increase blood flow.
Adequate blood flow to the genitals is key to sexual pleasure in both men
and women. On the other hand, taking up regular exercise would probably be
just as effective in terms of increased blood flow.
The book also contains an exhortation to eat a high-protein low-carb diet.
This is because one of the things that fuels libido (in both men and women)
is testosterone. Testosterone in women falls after adolescence, most steeply
so during a woman’s thirties, but thereafter remains pretty much unchanged
through the menopause. Testosterone patches? For those genuinely deficient,
it can make a big difference.
However, Lindberg’s take is that a natural way to increase testosterone is to
alter levels of steroid hormone-binding globulins (SHBGs). These are
chemicals that chaperone testosterone, and levels change with age, and with
diet. The more there are, the less free testosterone is available to rev up
libido. Reducing carbs decreases levels of SHBGs. Linberg claims that the
lower you keep SHBGs, the higher your level of free tesosterone. But there
is purpose in the body’s natural fluctuations. Low levels of SHBGs,
especially after the menopause, are associated with an increased risk of
diabetes, as work from a team at Harvard, published recently in the journal
Metabolism, has indicated. So be wary how you take this advice.
Finally, there is sexual exercising. Lindberg recommends that you work out the
vaginal muscles with something called GyneFlex, a vaginal muscle exerciser.
It’s like a giant plastic clothes peg and is available in 12 “strengths” for
everything from “pathetic” to “I want to open beer bottles”. You insert it
and flex away, and it is claimed to work like a ThighMaster for your vagina.
Holy moly. It’s only 20 minutes a day, says Lindberg. Actually, if there is
one thing to take away from this book, it is that vaginal tone is really
important, for sexual pleasure, continence and a whole load more. I have
been trying it, although, dear reader, I can report that I am not yet
sufficiently in shape to deal with bottle tops. This requires advanced level
GyneFlexing. There is a wealth of evidence that strengthening the
pubococcygeus muscles, which run from the front to back of the pelvic floor,
with exercises, pulls the vagina and urethra forward, compressing their
openings and increasing their muscle tone and sensitivity.
The more I read of this book, the more John Romulus Brinkley came to mind. One
of the most colourful characters in American history, this Kansas doctor
amassed a fortune in the 1920s with his “goat gland science”. He claimed
that implants of goat’s testicles would restore sexual function and libido.
Thousands of men were persuaded to have them, not only because of Brinkley’s
inspired marketing – “only intelligent men will benefit” – but
also because of the glowing testimonials from former clients. Many were
genuine. The implants failed within hours, so what was making the
difference? Brinkley told his clients to give up smoking, drinking and heavy
foods or else his goat glands wouldn’t work. All those who complied
immediately sowed the seeds of improved sexual performance. That and belief
made the difference.
So, if you want better orgasms, work that front bottom. Also drink less, stop
smoking, take regular exercise, cut down fats and sugars, eat five a day. If
only the Department of Health had thought of linking its advice to orgasms,
we might be a slimmer, fitter nation.
Vivienne Parry is the Times Medical Science Correspondent
Orgasm: the facts
The sensation of orgasm is principally that of pulsatile contractions of
genital musculature.
Women have individual “hallmark” patterns of muscle contraction.
Studies indicate that orgasms last between 7 and 107 seconds and that this
varies from one bout of lovemaking to another.
Orgasm elicits powerful cardiovascular, respiratory and hormonal responses,
including a doubling of heart and respiratory rate, a rise in blood pressure
of about 30 per cent and a release of the bonding hormone oxytocin.
GyneFlex, £25, available from shapeyourthang.com
The Orgasmic Diet by Marrena Lindberg (Piatkus, £7.99) is available
from Times Books First for £7.59; call 0870 1608080 or visit
timesonline.co.uk/ booksfirst
