Dr Thomas Stuttaford says:

Any parent whose adored daughter they fondly believed to be still a child and an innocent virgin is not going to take to too well to hearing that there is a chance that they will soon be a grandparent, possibly while they are still in their thirties. However, just as surely as my generation, when adolescent, must have caused grief to our parents, so will each subsequent generation do likewise.

The first reaction of the parents will seem like anger to any bystander and, of course, to your friend. In reality, if the parents are kindly people, this apparent anger is only evidence of shock and dismay, which are indicative of an overwhelming desire that their daughter should have every opportunity in life.

Pregnancy at 15 represents trouble that unless carefully handled is likely to derail every family plan, as well as thwart their daughter’s ambitions. Even so, it is my experience that most parents recover from these emotional knocks and they become wonderfully supportive and discreet.

There is no reason why you should tell her parents or anyone else; you must remain as quiet as the grave about this. It is not your secret and if it was widely known it would certainly be embarrassing for your friend and might make her situation even more tricky. Your role should be to give support when she needs it. However, you should suggest that she tells her parents. Both daughter and parents would be well advised to discuss the pregnancy with their family doctor, always provided that their GP is a kindly, pragmatic person who is able to take a detached approach to problems of this sort.

If your friend would prefer to talk about her pregnancy with a stranger, and some people do, she could go to one of the organisations that runs family planning or local youth centres (see Suzi’s column for details of Ask Brook). Those who work with such groups will take your friend’s age on the chin. They are well accustomed to similar problems and to pregnancies that are obvious evidence of underage sex.

One of the many good reasons why your friend needs to have detached adult opinions is that although her story that she conceived while drunk during a one-night stand may well be true, it could equally well be spin. Nearly always when a young, not-quite-adult person becomes pregnant she offers a similar story to your friend’s in her plea that there were mitigating circumstances. This is not because they are inherent liars but because no girl wants her parents, or friends, to think that she is a drunken slapper.

An expert would soon find out if her drinking, her sex life and the lack of care she showed over contraception are clues to deeper problems. Sometimes instances of this sort are a sign of a great need for attention and love or, conversely, she may be finding herself smothered by parental love and is seeking independence.

Whether your friend opts for an abortion, or decides to keep the baby, it should be entirely her decision and she will have to make it. However, she would be unwise to make up her mind without seeking the advice of her parents or family doctor. Either course of action will present difficulties.

Dr Thomas Stuttaford, the Times doctor, spent many years working in a genitourinary clinic

Suzi Godson says:

Most 15-year-olds would rather eat their own eyeballs than tell their parents that they got drunk, had sex and wound up pregnant. However your friend urgently needs to talk to somebody older and wiser, who can help her to see that she has options and show her that this is not the end of the world.

Fortunately, that someone is only a free phone call away. Get her to call Ask Brook on 0800 0185023 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm) as soon as possible. Anything she discusses will be entirely confidential and she can then make an appointment with her nearest Brook (www. brook.org.uk ) clinic for face-to-face counselling.

At Brook, she will be offered two things that she is unlikely to get from her parents or her friends: unemotional, constructive advice and a sense of perspective. Brook believes that teenagers who are equipped with the right information and who feel properly supported are generally capable of making an independent decision about what is right for them.

With their help she will be able to assess her situation in a less hysterical way and once she feels ready, she will be encouraged to take charge of her condition and decide what to do next. In cases where a girl is not mature enough to understand the implications of pregnancy, Brook may give a greater degree of guidance.

Although it is not always appropriate, your friend will probably be encouraged to talk to her mum and dad. No child wants to see disappointment in their parents’ eyes and know that they have been the cause of it, but if your friend has spoken to a counsellor beforehand, she should at least be able to present them with both a problem and a solution. As a parent myself, I am almost certain that her mum and dad would not want her to go through this experience alone. If she decides to have an abortion she shouldn’t underestimate how emotional she may feel afterwards – and her parents’ support will be crucial – and, obviously, if she goes ahead with the pregnancy she’ll need their help.

Finally, your friend’s situation should serve as a lesson to the tens of thousands of schoolgirls who get hammered on vodka every weekend.

Most of them have no idea how much they are drinking because they dilute litre bottles with orange squash and swig from the bottle, but they know why they are drinking. Dutch courage makes them feel so much more confident. It gives them the balls to talk to boys, to tease boys, to snog boys, to have underage sex with boys, and, as your friend has so effectively illustrated, to get pregnant and/or pick up an infection that might render them infertile.

In a 2003 survey, a third of 15 to 16-year-old girls admitted that they had at least one binge drinking experience within the last month. Unsurprising then that British teenagers also have the highest pregnancy rate in Western Europe. Despite a gazillion initiatives to educate “youth” about contraception and sexual health a big box of Durex still costs £12 while a litre bottle of vodka costs a tenner. Duh. When Gordon Brown eventually figures out that connection, makes condoms free and quadruples the price of all alcohol, teenage drinking and teenage pregnancies will decline dramatically. And the rest of us will be a lot healthier, too.

Suzi Godson is the author of The Sex Book (Cassell, £16.99) and The Body Bible (Penguin, £16.99)

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