With Eileen Jacques, Information and Helpline Manager, ERIC (Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence)

The process of ditching nappies and teaching your child to use the potty or toilet often doesn't run smoothly and can be stressful for both of you. It can be messy and there will be accidents. Like crawling, walking and talking, toilet training is a stage of development that cannot be hurried.

It will happen. Toilet training is much more likely to be successful if you let your child set the pace, so you need to recognise the signs that your child is ready.

What age are children ready to come out of nappies?

Forget tales of 'wonder babies' who were dry at 11 months. Most are around two and many are nearer three before they start to show signs they are ready. Research shows that bladder capacity increases significantly between the ages of two and three, so most three year olds should be able to hold on and be dry for a reasonable period of time.

If your child seems to be a late starter, you may be reassured to know that 'toilet training age' is not linked to intellect nor does it correlate with other stages of development. For example if a child was an early talker, it doesn't necessarily mean they'll be potty trained earlier. Girls are often ready sooner than boys.

If other children seem to be out of nappies but your child isn't yet, don't worry - 15 per cent of children are not potty trained at three and four per cent are still not trained at the age of four.

What signs should you be looking out for?

Children are ready when they are aware of being wet or soiled. Modern disposable nappies are very absorbent though and your child may never feel the sensation of being wet. You could put a non absorbent liner such as a cotton handkerchief in the nappy or your child could wear a pair of ordinary pants under the nappy to provide this sensation, or you could try cloth nappies. See if your child feels uncomfortable or asks for a nappy change. Your child should also have the language skills to understand a simple request, such as 'please put your toys away', and be able to engage in make believe play such as giving a tea party for teddies. This indicates a certain level of understanding has been reached. It's also best to wait until your child is fairly well co-ordinated and can, for instance, manage to pull trousers up or down.

Once the signs are there, when's the best time to start?

Choose a time when things will be quiet at home, not when you've got a new baby, are about to go on holiday or when your child's starting nursery. It's also a good idea to pick a time when he's going through a co-operative stage if possible.

What's the first step?

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