You’ve just won the Intelligent Finance Comedy Award at the Edinburgh festival (formerly the Perrier award). How did you celebrate?

It’s funny, because I don’t drink. People keep asking me: “How can you celebrate then?” And I’ve just been like: “This is my childhood dream! What do you mean?” I’m not going to relapse when putting booze down was the biggest step I took towards getting here.

So you’re a teetotaller?

Absolutely. Drugs too.

Why?

I went proper insane. For most of my career I had a real problem with drink and drugs; it was getting really bad two or three years ago. I was even sectioned at one point. I had a psychotic episode after being awake for three days; I looked in the mirror and saw what I thought was Satan. Then I thought I was on some holy mission from God.

What was your first act as God’s emissary?

I wrote a show about it. I thought I was divulging all sorts of stuff that would change the world. It didn’t; I was just being a sanctimonious prick. I’m one of the few people who went to rehab to wean myself off God.

Still believe now?

I do. I don’t think the whole world’s sitting in the hand of some giant beardy guy, but I’ve asked the world for signs and seen things I can’t ignore. Going through that experience I’ve discovered the difference between faith and religion. Religion is Man’s word and faith is: “It’s going to be OK”.

How long has it been?

I’m 21 months clean.

What have you traded the drugs for?

I have a Red Bull habit I’m not happy with.

Won’t that rot your teeth?

Seriously: cocaine, alcohol . . . Oh no! That Red Bull will rot your teeth. I don’t worry about it and my teeth are a lot better than they used to be.

Tell me about the winning show?

It’s called So You Think This Is Offensive Now? but it’s inoffensive. It starts off making people think it’s all about me, my bigotry and fears, and it turns out it’s theirs, but I can’t tell you about it.

Why not?

Because it would be like going to see the film The Crying Game and someone telling you “Oh yeah, it’s a man”.

You’re from Australia; is it true you came here because they found you too offensive?

That’s not strictly true. I started out here about 17 years ago, but I wasn’t very good. I was only 19 when I arrived. I came here after my sister Stephanie was in a car crash with her husband, who died, and their son. My first gig in England was three or four days after that happened.

You once did a show telling jokes while bench-pressing. Are you a gym bunny?

No. I work out at home with free weights and a bike, but I’ve only just got back into it.

Are you a team player?

Sports? No, stand-up’s enough. It’s really physical.

Are you getting fit for the new round of groupies?

I don’t know. I think it’s probably half vanity, half fitness. I’ve spent so many years caning drink, drugs and cigarettes, now I like the buzz of being fit. I like being able to run about with my eight-year-old son, Luke.

Married?

No, but we have joint custody and live close to one another. For a while we hated each other’s guts but then Rachel saved my life. She got me into rehab when I hit rock-bottom.

How did Luke cope with the drink, drugs and cigarettes?

It was tough, but he knows all about it. This year in Edinburgh it broke my heart when he rang up and my voice was croaky from the shows, and he said: “Aw Dad, are you doing lots of drugs?” because he knew what that voice meant in past years.

Did you feel guilty?

Of course. There have been horrible situations when my friends had come round and there would be wrappers of coke everywhere and Luke would be sitting there in his pants. Just terrible stuff.

If you hadn’t been a comedian, what else might you have become?

I’d probably be a chef. All my friends say I’m the best cooking comedian they know.

High praise. Any signature dishes?

My ribs are to die for and I think restaurants have been stealing my idea for putting mangos in salads.

That was you?

It was. My summer mango salad is amazing: mango, red peppers, mint, lime juice, avocado, cucumber, spring onion. It’s the best.

Healthy eating and a cocaine habit; not natural bedfellows?

No, but I would go through phases of eating really healthy food and then having the odd junk binge. Then I’d see a photo of myself and I’d be back on the healthy stuff.

What’s your worst food vices?

Kentucky Fried Chicken. The gravy, I can’t resist it. And gourmet burgers. I could be fat in a heartbeat. My dad’s a big boy.

Are you a soap-and-flannel man?

Is that how we describe men now? By the way they groom? You are joking? I’ll never be getting my eyebrows waxed, if that’s what you mean, but I was standing next to Christian Slater at the award ceremony in Edinburgh and I looked at his well-groomed head and I thought, if I ever wanted to do a movie, I’d have to look like that.

Is comedy in the genes?

I have it on good authority that I was a funny baby. I think funny is born. My son was a funny baby. It’s partly learnt; you get a positive reaction, but you have that skill first.

So you’ve got it pretty good right now; anything keep you awake at night?

Red Bull.

Brendon Burns’s Edinburgh show is at the Garrick Theatre, London, October 7; nimaxtheatres.com (click on if.comedy). Visit offthekerb.co.uk for UK tour dates of his new show

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