THE GOOD GRANNY

We’ve entered the season of snuffles and, however many precautions you take, someone in your family is bound to succumb. How do your nearest and dearest react to coughs, sneezes and flu? And how do you react to their reactions?

When minor illnesses strike, adults seem to fall into one of two categories. The first group makes a point of soldiering on, no matter how ghastly they feel. The other takes the “how do you know I’m not dying?” line. Both are equally irritating to deal with.

The soldiering-on types refuse to believe that one day in bed at the onset of flu can save a week as an invalid when they inevitably collapse. They are under the illusion that their workplace can’t function without them, even for 48 hours, and feel justified in spreading their germs far and wide. Their flu bugs can knock out the workforce like ninepins.

The how-do- you-know-I’m-not- dying? patients take their illness rather seriously, keeping a medical dictionary beside the bed and taking their own temperature every half hour. The higher it climbs, the more melancholy satisfaction they feel. Suffering is their forte and, though they give an impression of being brave, they are demanding patients.

If you give the invalid a little bell, he can call you when he needs something. A big mistake: you will be up and down those stairs like a yo-yo. “Could you possibly get me another pillow?” he will croak feebly, or some more Lucozade (he reverts to childhood when he is sick), or, feeling a bit better now, the sport section of the newspaper.

Both types derive some compensation by cultivating an air of martyrdom. They don’t want to be any trouble, they insist. If they weren’t feeling so weak they’d pop out themselves to the chemist for some more paracetamol. And some Ovaltine. So could you go? Your irritation turns to guilt when it’s your turn in the sick bed: then nothing is too much trouble for your partner. Bowls of soup appear on trays, pillows are smoothed and the curtains adjusted to keep the sun out of your eyes. Why do they have to be so nice? This guilt isn’t making you feel any better.

THE GOOD GRANNY’S ADVICE

Prevention is better than cure, so have your flu jab. Don’t overheat the house and wrap up warm outside. Allow extra time for your journey and walk instead of using a germ-ridden bus or Tube. Keep a box of tissues in every room. Don’t make illness too pleasurable as it will delay recovery. Insist that sick children stay in bed rather than on the sofa in front of TV, and that they have a boiled egg rather than crisps.

timesonline.co.uk/families

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