Every parent has experienced that heart-stopping moment when their little treasure wriggles free from their grasp and out on to a main road or into the crowds of a busy shopping centre. It is an unavoidable rite of passage for parent and child and – most of the time – results in nothing more than raised blood pressure and a quick telling-off.

Mine came while I was walking down a busy London street with my daughter Elizabeth, then 20 months. She hated her buggy and I hated saying no to her, so we set off hand-in-hand. But my concentration lapsed for a moment, I let her hand go and she ran in front of a car. We were lucky, she was unscathed, but I learnt my lesson and went straight out to buy some child safety reins.

In the 1970s mothers dressed their kids in polyester flares, sought Dr Spock’s advice on everything from grazes to gripe water, and considered child safety reins a vital part of a parent’s armoury.

Fast forward 30 years and polyester flares have been replaced by Charlie and Lola T-shirts and Dr Spock by Gina Ford. Reins, meanwhile, have become all but invisible. But despite their public absence, sales have never been better. John Lewis says that in the first week of January it sold a pair every 24 minutes, while a LittleLife bag – a novelty rucksack with a parental safety strap attached – crossed the counter every four minutes.

So where are they? And why are people buying them if nobody appears to be using them?

Debate on their use rages on internet parenting forums, where fans say that they are a “godsend” and a “lifesaver”, while detractors claim that they are “chavvy” and for “lazy parents”. On babyworld.co.uk an advert for a new type of harness describes traditional reins as “frankly demeaning to both parent and child”.

Against the spirit of the age

When did a safety device once as ubiquitous as it was innocuous become so contentious? Dr Pat Spungin, a psychologist who runs the parenting website raisingkids.co.uk, thinks that harnessing children goes against modern parenting philosophy.

“It’s an emotional thing. It’s not the spirit of the age. In their relationships with authorities, adults and other children, the current fashion is for them to feel unencumbered and liberated. If they’re in harnesses we feel that we’re restricting them. The paradox is that we may not want them in reins, but actually we live in a society where children are more restricted than ever.”

Emma Grove, 37, from Guildford, Surrey, bought some reins after her two-year-old ran away in a shopping centre. “I only got them to keep my mum happy. She used them on me and couldn’t understand why I didn’t want them.

I’ve no intention of using them. They’re common and I’d feel like I was treating Ethan like a dog on a lead. Using them would be like admitting that I couldn’t control my son.”

Frank Furedi, the author of Paranoid Parenting: Why Ignoring the Experts may be Best for your Child, believes that putting children in reins can foster a false sense of security. “Every parent has experienced a breakaway attempt by a child but, provided there’s no harm done, that’s no bad thing,” he says. “It gives us an opportunity to talk with our kids and to explain their behaviour. If a child is in a chair or on a leash, then he or she less opportunity to learn from his or her mistakes.”

Despite my experience with Elizabeth, I do not use reins that often, partly because she doesn’t like them and partly because I don’t either. But my scare did make me rethink my attitude towards parenting. I had fallen into the trap of treating Elizabeth like my friend and giving her far more responsibility and freedom than she could handle. It made me realise that my job was not to ensure that she always had fun, but to protect her.

I also think I missed the chance of introducing them early to Elizabeth. Childcare experts say that the earlier the reins are introduced, the more likely they will be accepted. Instead I am more vigilant about where and when she is allowed out of the buggy.

And I confess that although I know reins are a good idea, deep down I am snobby about them. When I see a child wearing a pair I turn up my nose.

Furedi believes that my attitude is a sign of the times. “They’re considered bad taste, a bit like playpens or dummies. It’s a cultural affectation, but there’s an important class difference in the way they’re used. Middle-class families are far less likely to use them than working-class families. There are also regional differences. They’re probably less common in London than elsewhere in the country.”

“They keep your kids safe – simple”

Not everyone thinks that reins are a bad thing. Louise Houston, a 40-year-old TV producer from Hertfordshire, has fond memories of being taken for walks in reins by her grandad when she was little and has used them with both her children, Marley, 4, and Ruby, 2. “I think they’re invaluable and I’ve never noticed anyone give me a funny look for using them. I don’t think they’re common. They keep your kids safe. Simple.”

She thinks any snobbery is misplaced and a product of a status-obsessed society. “The reason they used to be so popular is because prams and buggies were so big and cumbersome, but now we have designer buggies, which are status symbols more than anything. You can’t show off how much you earn with a pair of £2.99 reins.”

Hmm. If mothers from similar backgrounds can arrive at such polarised conclusions, is there any chance of consensus among childcare experts? Sue Palmer, the author of Toxic Childhood, feels that parents are too reliant on pushchairs and use them for their convenience not the child’s wellbeing. “Reins are much better than the despicable buggy. Once kids are up and about, they should be walking and getting exercise. The safest way to do that is with reins. There’s nothing worse than seeing a four-year-old crammed into a pushchair when he could be on his feet. Encouraging children that young to be sedentary is asking for problems later on.”

But Neil Henty, an education and development writer, believes that any device that constrains a child should be used with caution. “Where possible, babies and young children should be allowed to move freely and to explore their world through their senses and their interactions with their environment.”

That is all well and good, thinks Anouchka Langford, a 34-year-old teacher from Southampton, but what if you have a wilful child? She intends to use reins on her one-year-old, Caspar, just like her mother did with her. “My only reservation is that in today’s climate of ‘talk and reason’ a rein is seen as a heavy-handed approach. But that won’t stop me using them.”

For feedback on this article, and news and views from busy mums, go to timesonline.co.uk/alphamummy

Safety first

Road sense According to the Department for Transport, more than 1,100 children aged between 1 and 5 were injured or killed as pedestrians in 2006. Children have difficulty judging speed and distance until they are at least 8, so it is vital to teach road safety from early on.

Hands-on approach Always hold your children’s hands when you cross a road and don’t let them run ahead: there may be hidden driveways crossing the pavement. Tell them always to stop at the kerb.

Playtime Road safety is quickly forgotten if a child drops a ball in the street, so save playing for the park.

Look sharp drivers cannot always see small children, so make them wear brightly coloured clothes.

More information thinkroadsafety.gov.uk

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