Racheal Baughan hates mirrors. She suffers from body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), a compulsive disorder which means that the image she sees of herself is a distortion of reality.

As a teenager she became so preoccupied by her appearance that she left her bedroom as little as possible. If she did go out, she spent hours beforehand piling on thick make-up. At one point she couldn't even face her family without wearing a home-made veil.

Meeting Baughan, 26, from Crawley, looking fabulous in hooped earrings, combat trousers and a skimpy top, it's hard to believe that she suffers from BDD. The only clue is that the curtains in her living room are drawn, despite the sunshine. She explains that, having grown up in the country, she guards her privacy. But it feels like an uncomfortable reminder of teenage years wasted in a darkened bedroom.

She has learnt to control the illness and for the past four years has run her own model agency, promoting young models and taking an active stance against size zero. One of her strategies is to avoid focusing when she looks in the mirror. She explains: “Sometimes even now if I allow myself to look too closely, I focus straight in on my bad skin, my small lips, my double chin, my flat head and the bags under my eyes. When I was younger it wasn't just about other people judging me, although that was a big fear, it was about feeling I was an alien, and that I shouldn't be here. What's so hard about BDD is that other people can't see what you're talking about. They just think you're vain and self-obsessed.”

Groups supporting those with BDD believe that about 1 per cent of the population is affected, and the popular belief is that the disorder is linked to our obsession with perfect bodies and cosmetic surgery - although leading researchers say this does not stand up to scientific scrutiny. Many sufferers don't try to get help because they worry that their symptoms will be dismissed; some doctors misdiagnose BDD as social anxiety or agoraphobia.

Her father was worried about his looks.

Even at primary school Baughan felt insecure about her looks, a trait she says she may have inherited from her father, who avoided some situations because he was worried about his appearance. When she was 10 she started disguising what she saw as “severe acne” - though her complexion was almost perfect - with cream her mother had been prescribed to camouflage scars. Then she was bullied at secondary school. Her mother is Sri Lankan, and Baughan says that she was called racist names, or told that she was fat. She thought she deserved the taunts, and began to plaster her face with make-up and to hide behind a curtain of long hair. Some days she looked like a goth; others like a drag queen.“The make-up made me stand out even more, but if someone called me a tart they were bullying me for my disguise, not my face. I could cope with that more easily.”

When her best friend died suddenly when they were both 13, she became severely depressed, spending most days asleep and barely communicating with her family. The GP thought her symptoms were due solely to grief and general teenage anxiety, and referred her for NHS counselling, but it didn't help. She refused to go to school, apart from the occasional day, and when social services started chasing her parents, they simply ignored them.

Panic attacks, sometimes triggered by looking in the mirror or when her painstaking application of make-up went awry, became more frequent. “Even now if I look in the mirror too much I can feel my chest tightening and I start to feel sick and my head spins.”

Between the ages of 13 and 17 Baughan pestered her parents to allow her to have cosmetic surgery on her nose, made four suicide attempts and developed anorexia. She went down to a size 4 and 6st (she's 5ft 8in.

It was only when she was 15 that a doctor on a GMTV show diagnosed BDD. Her mother had forced her to appear as a last resort, having got no answers from doctors or counselling - she had even gone on a course to try to help her daughter. TV was an ordeal, but the letters that Baughan received from fellow suffererswere a huge help and she now runs a website for them (www.rachealbaughan.co.uk).

Small steps towards recovery

She has recovered by setting and achieving small goals. At first she wore less make-up when she was with her family and her boyfriend, with whom she lives. She then went to the local shop without lipstick, and later to her job at a local health club with minimal camouflage. The ultimate challenge came four years ago when she entered the Miss England beauty contest. And just as an arachnaphobic might be treated by exposure to spiders, it made her face her worst fears. It worked. She no longer hides when the postman knocks and wears only a little make-up when she goes out. “I still see the same things when I look in the mirror; I just don't allow them to affect me now.”

The Butterfly Girl by Racheal Baughan is published by John Blake, £17.99

BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER - THE LOWDOWN

WHAT IS IT? Body dysmorphic disorder causes sufferers to be so preoccupied with imagined defects in their appearance that it may stop them working and socialising. Concerns most often focus on the face or head and usually begin during adolescence. It was recognised as a mental health problem by the American Psychiatric Association in 1987. A brain-imaging study at UCLA, published last December,demonstrated a biological basis for the disorder for the first time

WHO IS AFFECTED? Misdiagnosis is common, but it is estimated that about 1 per cent of the population is affected.

TREATMENT Cognitive behavioural therapy, in which the patient learns alternative ways of thinking about his or her appearance and to cope without camouflage. Can be used with anti-obsessional medication such as serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).MORE INFORMATION

www.ocdaction.org.uk ; www.bddcentral.com

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