A quirky news item this week revealed that nearly half the women in Liverpool and Manchester wear high heels every day - and that, at some point, 42 per cent of them end up twisting an ankle. No surprises there, nor perhaps that the survey was issued by a company producing “posture- improving” footwear.

Rather more startling is the finding that injuries to feet from high heels cost about £29 million a year to fix. Blimey, almost enough for a pair of Manolo Blahniks. Posh Spice has clearly got the message, though. She was seen this week wearing a pair of heel-less boots so striking that they prompted a frenzy of paparazzi flashbulbs (pictured below). Not that high heels are the, er, sole cause of fashion-related injuries. I'm thinking of the vogue for going commando in trendy jeans when I was doing a stint in a casualty department. Figuring out how to release foreskins trapped in zips tested my skills (pliers, a steady hand and a lot of praying).

Now I'm a GP, the fashion- linked pathology I deal with is rather less dramatic. Having said that, split ear-lobes are common in Essex because of a) the high prevalence of pierced ears in males b) a love of pub-fights and c) the tendency of those involved to yank anything that causes a good deal of screaming, such as their opponent's earring. The result is an initially painful but ultimately harmless “bifid lobe”, as normal a sign of male machismo in these parts as a cheek scar or West Ham tattoo.

Other than that it's pretty mundane stuff, such as jogger's nipple (trendy tight tops rubbing on mammaries), Achilles tendonitis (new trainers rubbing on the heel) and bum-bra proctalgia (ill-advised underwear rubbing ... well, you can work it out for yourself).

Fashion victims are also prone to back pain. It results from designer handbags being so bulky that hooking one over the shoulder requires the strength of a female Ukrainian shot-putter and obviously risks a slipped disc. And it can only be a matter of time before the current fashion for “treggings” - a cross between trousers and leggings - results in a crop of consultations. These super-tight garments are favoured by celebrities such as Russell Brand and Noel Fielding of The Mighty Boosh, presumably because stream-of-consciousness comedy needs a diversion of blood to the brain. I'm just not sure that cutting off the circulation to the legs is the right way to go about it.

Other fashion-related ailments are linked mainly to our passion for trendy gadgets. Obessional BlackBerry tapping results in thumb RSI. Long-term iPod use may cause deafness, though I suspect the more immediate risk is being unable to hear words such as, “Watch out for that lorry!”

And that's not to mention the less well-recognised syndrome of “mobile phone arse”. This phenomenon involves your phone being inserted in an orifice not intended for that purpose by a fellow passenger enraged by your inane babble.

But the most recent and startling medical developments involve cosmetics. For the first time I've encountered men suffering florid allergic reactions to male cosmetics such as face creams. Being a GP, I'm not judgmental, though obviously, if you're a wuss, you have to expect these things.

Dr Copperfield is a GP in Essex. He also writes for Pulse magazine and pulsetoday.co.uk

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