Last spring a dozen ducklings hatched under the sage bush in my friends' kitchen garden. Within hours the mother had escorted the tiny things across 100m of field down to the pond, leaving one behind on the nest, cheeping pitifully. Attempts were made to reunite it with its siblings on the water but the weakling capsized and the mother ignored its plight.

The orphan duckling was rescued, put under an infrared light with the World Service for company and named Quackers. All year she has ruled the roost: visitors to the house are met and inspected, horses are escorted between paddock and stable, gardening is closely attended in case of worms and both dogs are chased off their bed in front of the woodburner so Quackers can monopolise it.

This spring drakes came courting; Quackers wanted nothing to do with them and was most stand-offish. But one must have prevailed because in due course she hatched 12 ducklings of her own. Eight were given to a neighbour and the remaining four were serially taken by magpies, apparently undefended by Quackers who, after all, had a rotten role model as a mother.

The drakes returned: “Four of them every night, gang-banging her,” my friend told me, “And she bashing on the back door to be rescued.” And lo! This very week Quackers was found sitting on seven more eggs. Nature: cruel yet persistent.

Meanwhile, at home we too are under siege from dastardly magpies stealing eggs from the chicken house. We covered the run in raspberry netting and hung a dead magpie at the one entry point. It ponged for a bit but has dried out nicely now, swinging in the breeze and working as deterrent.

Then the magpies took to removing eggs from the chicken bucket in the porch - flying off with them and leaving empty shells all over the farm.

We are furious with the ingenious, thieving bullies. But when I found a baby magpie hopping about in my herbaceous border, vulnerable to any passing fox or cat, I had to rescue it, put it in a duck house and feed it until it was old enough to fly.

Human beings: a bit muddled.

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