Going from Ma’am to madam

Dame Helen Mirren has spoken out in favour of legalising the world’s oldest profession. “I think legal prostitution is the way to go, given the awful, horrendous traffic in women and the danger of girls being out on the street, so vulnerable to pimps and johns,” she tells Time magazine. “In a legal brothel, they’re licensed, they’re protected and the johns are protected because they know the girls have to be medically checked every week.” Mirren has just finished filming Love Ranch, alongside Joe Pesci. The film is set in the 1970s in Mustang Ranch, the first legalised brothel in Nevada. This time, the woman who was Ma’am plays the madam. The actress also tells Time that, after The Queen, she was invited to dinner at Buckingham Palace but couldn’t go. More to talk about next time, eh?

Yesterday, David Cameron told the London radio station LBC how pleased he was that William Hague covered PMQs on Wednesday. “It was nice for me to have a morning . . . not a morning off, but I played a game of tennis this morning, cycled into work a bit more leisurely,” he said. Then he leapt back into the daily grind with a visit to the Mundy play centre in Derby, above.

An attractive job advert appears on the Recruit Ireland website: “Leader/chief required for successful nation. Permanent – subject to five-year reviews (and motions of no confidence).” Benefits include a €315,000 salary, a pension, a driver, free accommodation and a subsidised canteen/bar trolley.

Sounds quite cushty.

Within Formula One, we are told, Max Mosley (he of exciting basement hobbies) has the nickname Silver Tongue. Frankly, we felt it best not to ask why.

To the premiere of the Rolling Stones film Shine A Light, in Leicester Square, where Ronnie Wood shed no light on yet another rumour of impending marriage by his friend Kate Moss (seen in Malibu, California, yesterday) to yet another messy young rock star we’ve barely ever heard of. “No!” cried Wood, in mock horror. “Don’t marry him! Come back to me, come home!”

Pity the author Duncan Fallowell. In his new travel book about New Zealand, Going as Far as I Can, Fallowell considers the sad case of Henry, a lizard-like tuatara in a museum in Invercargill, who was born circa 1880 and, at the time of writing, had never had sex. Six weeks after publication, Henry is suddenly getting it on with Mildred (80ish). Fallowell claims to be pleased.

At his launch of the Liberal Democrats’ local election campaign, Nick Clegg stood in front of a backdrop that read: “Love Your Union.” Just the one union?

Postscript

Forget the various primary and caucus results, there’s only one poll that matters – the Washington Rhinestone Pin Poll, run by the DC jeweller Ann Hand. Here, rhinestone pins bearing Barack Obama’s name are outselling those featuring Hillary Clinton by 759 to 193. Even John McCain did better at 310. She may as well go home. To be honest, we were hoping to get that picture of Ed Balls and Andy Burnham which ended up on page 24 of the newspaper, just so we could make the joke about “Cabinet ministers In public swinging shocker” we had been practising all day. But no. Newspapers are a cruel business.

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