Not-so-liberal solution to Zimbabwe dilemma

A startling solution to the Zimbabwe dilemma has been proposed by Jeremy Thorpe, the former Liberal leader, in a rare public intervention.

Speaking to the Journal of Liberal History, Mr Thorpe is asked his views on Robert Mugabe. “I think he is a ghastly, wicked man,” he whispers. “He should be assassinated.”

“Sorry?” asks his interrogator, seeking clarification. “He should be assassinated,” Mr Thorpe reiterates.

Getting rid of troublesome people is, of course, a thorny subject for Mr Thorpe, whose career was derailed when he was accused of conspiring to murder Norman Scott, the man who claimed to be a former lover.

Mr Thorpe, 79, who resigned as Liberal Party leader in 1976 and was subsequently acquitted, has battled against Parkinson’s disease for many years, but he retains an acute interest in the political scene.

Nick Clegg is “doing well”, he says, but Charles Kennedy was “treated very badly” by colleagues. “Drunkenness is not a permanent disability. It can be treated,” he argues.

The pointy-heads at MIT have developed a sophisticated polling algorithm which concluded that the best choice as VP for John McCain is Colin Powell. And for Barack Obama? Er, Colin Powell. “We never imagined that the same candidate would show up for both parties,” says the chief innovation officer. Presumably after giving the machine a few slaps to make sure it was on.

“Robert Thurman has unexpectedly come to London for his daughter Uma’s engagement,” an excited publicist informs us. It’s not all booking caterers for the nuptials between the actress and her hedge fund beau though. Mr Thurman is available for interview today about his book, Why the Dalai Lama Matters. Opportunistic or just what they call “good karma” in Tibet?

The Face: Noel Edmonds

Not content with reinventing his career as a frontline television host, Noel Edmonds yesterday promised to fix “broken Britain” after delivering an outburst at the irritants of our society.

“Immigration, the NHS and bureaucracy, a lack of joined-up thinking, a focus on world affairs at the expense of issues in our own back yard,” railed Edmonds, whose prescription, typically, is a live Sky One entertainment special in which he uses hidden camera footage to “shame the greedy and ungenerous”.

Edmonds is a believer in the “cosmic ordering” system of positive thinking. The Deal or No Deal quiz show returned the former DJ, 59, to TV prominence after a bruising break-up with the BBC.

“We must stop looking to politicians to fix matters – they can’t,” argues thehost, who now has ambitions beyond ratings.

Postscript

Dust down the deerstalker. Sacha Baron Cohen will follow Basil Rathbone and Jeremy Brett after signing up to play Sherlock Holmes in a new Hollywood film. Will Ferrell has been cast as Watson in a comic take on the famous sleuth. Matt Tolmach, Columbia co-president, says: “Just the idea of Sacha and Will as Sherlock Holmes and Watson makes us laugh.” But they promise to make the film, too. However, Guy Ritchie has a rival project to give the Arthur Conan Doyle stories a gangland makeover – which one would Ali G prefer?

Gok Wan, at the HarperCollins bash at the V&A, let on that he’s been rifling through Joan Collins’s drawers – only to discover she’s a fan of the high street chain Zara – this hard graft was for his Channel 4 series, Gok’s Fashion Fix.

Pete Doherty’s entry to the exhibition Get in the Gallery – aimed at 4 to 18-year-olds, at the Morgan Boyce Gallery, Wiltshire, is painted in his own blood (you know, appropriate for children), and contains a poem in French.

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