Andy’s culture shock for unsuspecting viewers

“Hello and welcome to Andy Burnham Night on Sky Arts.” So begins an evening of TV selected and hosted by the Culture Secretary. “It’s a brilliant idea,” enthuses the new programme controller, who promises no product placement for new Labour when he hijacks screens next month. “I’ve come up with a concentrated dose of Burnham cultural medicine,” the former regular at the Manchester Hacienda club says. “English literature, public art, stripped-down rock music and anything with an explicit connection to the North West all work for me.”

So what’s on? “First up is Billy Bragg, a man who has made an enormous contribution to our cultural and political life.” The interview with the proudly socialist singer is conducted by the cultural titan Cat Deeley, Melvyn Bragg presumably being unavailable.

There is some Shakespeare and an interview with Antony Gormley, a man “both utterly accessible and deeply mysterious at the same time”.

The evening concludes with the Terence Davies film Distant Voices, Still Lives: a “bleak and unforgiving” experience, says Burnham, with a refreshing disregard for ratings.

Mr Justice Eady has more to rule on than whether the News of the World breached Max Mosley’s privacy. M’lud, whose judgment is expected next week, must also decide the plural of dominatrix. James Price, QC, for Max Mosley, called the expert witnesses “dominatrixes”. Mark Warby, QC, for the News of the World, countered with “dominatrices”. It may be wise to let she who wields the whip decide.

Ronnie Wood has entered rehab for the seventh occasion. The Rolling Stone is “seeking help” in his battle with alcohol. The guitarist, 61, recently fled to a bolthole in Ireland with a Russian cocktail waitress. He has now heeded the pleas of his long-suffering wife, Jo, to get clean.

No sign of the new, organised Boris Johnson when the Mayor of London was guest of honour at a dinner given by the Board of Deputies of British Jews. An apologetic Boris rang ahead to say he had forgotten his black-tie garb, then arrived breathlessly late, after rustling up a substitute.

The PM took time out to host a reception for national Wear Your Uniform To Work Day. We are assured that Gordon Brown chose his best hair shirt.

Bowled over by the X-factor

The Face: Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff

With no football metatarsals to fret over this summer, the return of the talismanic “Freddie” Flintoff to Test cricket, expected at Headingley tomorrow, is the closest event to a sporting Second Coming.

He is the natural inheritor of Ian Botham’s swagger, and the Lancastrian’s battles against injury and weight gain, and his capacity to fall off the wagon in an epic manner, are central to the affection in which supporters hold him.

The joking stopped, though, when the all-rounder, 30, was stripped of the England vice-captaincy after having to be rescued during an unsanctioned pedalo expedition last year.

As aggressive on the pitch as he is laidback off it, the straightforward Flintoff is unlikely to follow Mike Atherton’s path and become a cerebral cricket commentator.

But his central role in England’s 2005 Ashes win has entered cricket lore and as the skipper Michael Vaughan admitted, on Flintoff’s long-awaited return to the squad, he is the one player with the X-factor, who instils the most fear in opponents.

Postscript

Saltwood Castle in Kent, the former home of Alan Clark and scene of some of his more outrageous escapades, has been placed on an “in danger” list by English Heritage.

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