Tory with paranoia seeks nemesis for dawn duel

The most nervous man at the Conservative conference is Timothy Kirkhope, MEP for Yorkshire and the Humber. “I’m not paranoid, but someone is trying to do me in,” the former minister whispers.

His troubles began when the ceiling of the European Parliament in Strasbourg collapsed on to the seats filled by Tory MEPs. The Parliament was in recess, but an official report said Kirkhope would have been killed by 10 tonnes of masonry had he been sitting.

Days later Kirkhope was on the Eurostar when he saw smoke billowing from the Channel Tunnel. The MEP, who is also the party’s transport safety spokesman, gave a running commentary to Sky News on the train fire that prompted an evacuation. He now wants an inquiry into lorries carrying dangerous chemicals through the tunnel.

“I keep escaping certain death by a millimetre,” says the Tory Indiana Jones. “But I’d rather challenge my nemesis to an open duel at dawn.”

Will he stay away from Dave before the leader’s closing speech today? “I’m staying outside Birmingham,” Kirkhope assures us. “It’s safer for everyone.”

It may have been the relaxing vibes at New Style Radio, the Afro-Caribbean community station in Birmingham, but David Cameron was lulled into a revealing slip. Asked about Barack Obama’s criticism of black fathers for abandoning their responsibilities, Mr Cameron replied: “Perhaps it’s easier for President Obama to talk about than it is for me.”

The president already? You can enjoy Dave’s magnificent faux pas 16 minutes into this week’s Panorama Cameron special on the BBC iPlayer.

Emma Thompson plays the rather Gothic and fearsome Lady Marchmain in BBC Films’ new Brideshead Revisited. Does she care about the public’s response when she takes on an unsympathetic role? “Well, it all depends on the individual person’s character,” she tells us at the film’s premiere. “I mean, Pol Pot probably thought Lady Macbeth was along the right lines.” That told us.

Emily Maitlis has won her spurs sparring with politicians, but surprisingly it is Sophie Raworth, her news-reading colleague, who has been awarded the plum job of filling in for Andrew Marr on his Sunday morning show on BBC One while ol’ big ears is away filming in the Andes.

Sadly, Ms Raworth will not be grilling Barack Obama. His aides told producers: “You are no-votes TV. High end – but still no-votes TV.”

The Face: Seasick Steve

The perfect artist for a new global depression, Seasick Steve, a genuine railroad-hopping hobo, is set to make his home in the Top 20.

Plucking his three-string guitar and singing The Dog House Boogie, the 68-year-old itinerant – who was born Steve Wold – has become a festival favourite after being discovered on Jools Holland’s Hootenanny.

Sceptics say that Steve’s biography is too good to be true – taught guitar at the age of 8 by a Mississippi bluesman, then riding freight trains and working on carnivals.

Now signed to Warner, the musician brings his hard-won wisdom to a sold-out show at the Royal Albert Hall tonight before touring the country.

I Started Out with Nothin’ and I Still Got Most of it Left is the title of his new CD, but at least Steve can now afford a six-string guitar.

Postscript

Russell Brand has found his calling as a Shakespearean fool. He’ll play the jester Trinculo in a big-screen adaptation of The Tempest. No sign of a new maturity though. Brand told Radio 2 listeners that he aims to “get off” with his co-star Dame Helen Mirren.

Tom Harris, MP, sees no link between violent video games and committing violence. “After watching Reservoir Dogs I was hardly ever tempted to cut off a policeman’s ear,” he tells GQ’s political column.

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