There’s been a lot of gloating about the Madonna-Ritchie divorce, the general tone of which has been that Madonna is a control freak and no man, least of all a red-blooded geezer like our Guy, could be expected to put up with it. Meanwhile, Madonna has reportedly said she never wants to date another Brit and has accused Ritchie of being emotionally retarded.

She’s got it so wrong. Whether Ritchie is emotionally stunted or not, Madonna chose him for a reason — she recognised that if a woman wants a real man, but also wants to be indulged and allowed to have her way, then a Brit male of the “Okay, Babe” generation is her best bet. You think it’s an accident she picked a thirtysomething English bloke? Think again. These boys have a distinct advantage over their American and European equivalents: they don’t feel threatened by bossy, powerful, independent women. Is it being brought up under Thatcher? Is it living in a culture where you learn that making a girl laugh is the fastest route to seducing her? Whatever. Without even knowing it, our boys are naturals at handling the alpha female.

Those of you who have been tuning in to Channel 4 on Wednesdays to watch The Family may have recognised Simon as an advanced level “Okay, Babe”. He always cooks. He strips his daughters’ beds, makes his wife cups of tea, disciplines the kids, and then gives them emotional advice. So far, we’ve seen Jane (the mum) vacuuming a bit, but mostly she’s drifting around in a dressing gown or having a lie-in. Her happiness is her husband’s first priority, and he likes it that way.

Look behind the curtains of any middle-class home in the country and, increasingly, you find that relationships follow The Family’s pattern — with the wife doing a lot of pouting and staying in bed late at weekends, and the husband playing the diplomat, emotional rock, chef, lover and domestic fluffer.

Nobody’s suggesting Ritchie changed the sheets in the Madonna marriage, or that going to sleep in a plastic bag — and a ban on televisions, takeaways and frying pans — wasn’t a little OTT, but you can bet if there was cooking to do, he did it, plus the ego-stroking and the knowing when to stand up to her. Try picturing George Clooney, Steve Bing or Olivier Martinez doing the same job. It could only ever have worked with a Brit. Why do you think Gwynnie ended up with Chris Martin, the archetypal “Okay, Babe”?

So what’s next for Madonna? Well, it has to be another Brit, obviously, but not Paul McCartney. British men who are too old to be “Okay, Babes” are the worst of all.

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