Gordon is game for a laugh at Chequers lunch

Imagine the scene as Gordon Brown turns to President Obama at their first press conference and asks: “Suicide bombers – what makes them tick?” This could be the new wisecracking PM after our dour leader formed an unlikely bond with Jimmy Carr, king of the acerbic one-liner.

Mr Brown entertained the award-winning comic at Chequers this month, perhaps seeking a few bons mots. Fortunately Carr spared his host his more contentious gags about Gypsies, paedophiles and battered wives.

After lunch, Mr Brown and Carr, a Cambridge politics graduate who once worked for Shell, discussed the global economic crisis, in particular Germany’s historical aversion to hyperinflation.

Ann Widdecombe once said of the Channel 4 star: “His idea of wit is a barrage of filth and the sort of humour most men grow out of in their teens.” Carr says his humour is “for people who are without a moral compass”. Ah, that could be the end of a beautiful friendship.

After waving the Olympic flag in Beijing, Boris Johnson presumably thought that lighting the Chanukkah menorah in Trafalgar Square for the Jewish festival of lights would be a breeze. Not so. The cherry picker hoisting the Mayor of London and a rabbi 30ft to the summit gave up the ghost. “Too heavy,” said health and safety. Boris threw out his jacket and anything else not nailed down but it still wouldn’t lift. Eventually the rabbi hit upon a Solomon-style solution – he humbly stepped down and Boris was raised solo to the heavens.

Gérard Depardieu, the proprietor of La Fontaine Gaillon restaurant in Paris, when not appearing on screen, has some last-minute tips for preparing the perfect turkey.

“Before killing something, I always talk to it,” he tells Decanter magazine. “An animal that’s been caressed before it’s killed dies peacefully, and its muscles don’t contract with adrenalin.

“If an animal is slaughtered in a stress-free way, it tastes better.” Perhaps he was talking to Decanter’s sister publication – Decapitate.

Baz Luhrmann is to tackleThe Great Gatsby now thatAustralia is finally set to hit our screens. Peter Bart, the Variety film guru and former Paramount studio boss, has offered Luhrmann advice: “Think again. There’s no story. Gatsby is an ill-formed character. Fitzgerald’s gorgeous writing doesn’t translate to the screen.” A 1974 film adaptation disappointed: “Truman Capote was hired to write the script. All he did for his $100,000 payday was type the novel.”

X Factor mentor gets our vote

The Face of 2008 Cheryl Cole

The undisputed showbusiness winner of the year, Cheryl Cole has been elevated from marginal Girls Aloud WAG into a national obsession. Thrust into public consciousness by Popstars: The Rivals, the Geordie fame-seeker nearly lost the public’s vote after being found guilty of assault on a nightclub attendant.

Then Cole, 25, was reincarnated as the ditzy, Lycra-clad wife of the footballer Ashley Cole, whom she married in 2006, and spent the earlier part of this year coping with public rumours of his infidelity. Simon Cowell threw her a bone and chose the singer as Sharon Osbourne’s replacement as judge on The X Factor.

Enter Cheryl mark 3. Her weepy, best-friend mentoring and feisty blows to Cowell’s ego, teamed with a stunning and newly sophisticated wardrobe, won the hearts of sceptics.

Cole was crowned a style icon and the year’s official darling. Never mind, Dannii.

Postscript

- Beyoncé may be a cyber-diva on stage but the kitchen is another matter. “One thing I am doing for the first time is cooking,” she says of Christmas chez Knowles. “I’ve been working since I was 13. I haven’t had the time to be at home and learn the simple things.” Mum will be helping the singer prepare a traditional Texan-style spicy Cajun turkey.

- The Bournemouth Pavilion’s production of Peter Pan received a boost when the author J. M. Barrie’s descendants piled in for a family visit — all 14 members of them. “Streets ahead of anything I have seen for years,” said the 88-year-old matriarch Patricia Barrie. A good job too.

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