The swine! Jacko mask was right all along

How we laughed at Michael Jackson for taking his brood shopping in flu masks. Now it seems that he was right all along. Swine flu is the latest obstacle to getting the King of Pop to travel to Britain for those 50 concerts at the O2 arena, which hove into view like a slow-motion car crash.

We gather that Jacko has been monitoring the outbreak via the web and has ordered a stack of surgical FFP3 face masks to be delivered to the O2, ready for him and his three children when he arrives in July.

A spokesman for Pest Control Products Online said: “The masks have been sent to the O2 and the main man there said that he will be making sure Mr Jackson gets them as soon as he arrives in London.”

Experts say that the Jacko-endorsed FFP3 can play a role in protecting against airborne particles, but only if changed regularly and if others in a confined space comply.

However, some people need to be trained to attach them correctly. So the Jacko gigs could begin with 20,000 masks falling from the rafters and an air hostess-style announcement: “Pull the mask over your head and breathe normally.”

Mark Crossley, winner of the Student Radio Awards for his Nottingham Trent University show, must have a good agent. On Monday the DJ prodigy presented a special Radio 1 show at 4am. But on its commercial rival, Absolute Radio, the same Mark Crossley could also be heard broadcasting between 4am and 6am. The Radio 1 show was prerecorded, says Absolute, while its Crossley was performing live. The idea that any student could get up for a 4am gig sounds far-fetched to us.

Russell T. Davies, the screenwriter who rebooted Doctor Who, is leaving Britain to pursue a career in Hollywood. Well, that’s the conclusion we drew after spotting the Welshman, who will quit the BBC series when David Tennant regenerates, patiently waiting in the work visa queue at the US Embassy yesterday. A spokesman for Davies invites us to “speculate away” about his trip. So we did.

There was still time for John Prescott to indulge in his favourite pastime while stumping Britain on the Prescott Express, a battered Ford Transit minibus commandeered by the former Deputy PM. Campaigning took a pause at Bridlington, East Yorkshire, for a “quick game of croquet on the beach”, he blogs. It was only to “highlight that under Labour in Europe we now have four weeks’ paid holiday”.

“I would like an invite to the White House,” admits Neil Morrissey of his role in President Obama’s triumph. Without the “Yes we can” refrain, adapted from the comic actor’s Bob the Builder hit single, Obama would no doubt still be a struggling senator.

Morrissey recalls his embarrassment when the novelty hit won an Ivor Novello Award and he was called to the stage. “I was sitting between Stevie Wonder and Annie Lennox. I crept out really quietly so Stevie Wonder wouldn’t realise I was responsible.”

The face: Felicity Jones

She made her TV debut aged 12 and secured a continuing role as the “strumpet” Emma in The Archers three years later. But while Felicity Jones, 25, can still play precocious teenagers, her new Hollywood agent plans to take the actress far beyond Ambridge.

Jones gave up parties while studying for her English degree at Oxford. In Chéri, the new Stephen Frears film that has its premiere tonight, she plays a virginal heiress.

Now signed to the Creative Artists Agency in LA, Jones has won the female lead in Ricky Gervais’s new film, The Men at the Pru.

Postscript

Did Omid Djalili audition to succeed Rowan Atkinson as Fagin in Oliver!? “You get offered the part but then you have to show them you can do it. They are all such luvvies.”

Shopping is boring for Joan Collins, she tells us while in Selfridges: “Frankly, I’ve got everything I really like.”

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