The latest must-have accessory for New York mothers is the "manny"
or male nanny according to Holly Peterson, a former producer for ABC news
and right-hand woman of Tina Brown. A resident of "the Grid" the
exclusive blocks of the Upper East Side and now a contributing editor to
Newsweek, Peterson's debut novel, The Manny, about to be published here, is
about a working Grid mother with three children and a spoilt husband. She
falls for her intelligent, sensitive manny hired to play with a
nine-year-old son troubled by a largely absent father. She hopes to inject
some normality into her son's life but does not foresee the injection of
excitement into her own.
"Usually we hear of husbands running off with female nannies that
happens quite a lot," says Annie Merrylees, 24, a nanny in London. Last
June she set up My Big Buddy, a specifically male nanny agency with her
friend Susie Everitt. "A wife having an affair with the manny that
hasn't come up." Merrylees and Everitt have found that the demand for
permanent mannies has been staggering, and is increasing all the time. "We've
only had one client who went through the whole interview process and at the
last minute her husband decided against a having a manny. I think it was
more about him not trusting a man with his kids than him being worried his
wife would run off with him." The manny is becoming popular not only on
the Upper East Side but also in the UK. Here, though, it seems they are
viewed not as exciting accessories for stressed and neglected mothers but
more as playful but responsible older brothers for growing children. More
and more enlightened families are waking up to their charms.
The Harrison Family
Susie Harrison, 43, is a part-time patent lawyer married to Ian, 43, an
insurance broker. They have three children Gemma, 12, Rosie, 10, and Max,
8 and live in Saffron Walden. Lukas Zeman, 23, from Prague, has been their
au pair since May.
SUSIE "We've had au pairs since 2000, always girls till
Lukas started. I thought a boy would be more physical. Gemma's mildly
autistic and we live in the country. It's difficult to get good girls.
They're often less sure about driving, and the attraction is always city
life. That seems to be slightly less so with men. Next time I'd actively
seek another male au pair. They're not hormonal, which is a massive plus
and they've no eating fads.
Lukas is calm and capable and good with the children. They're much more
physical with him, poking, tickling and play-fighting with him. To me he's
more like a big brother, while the female ones have been like a big sister.
He's one of the best au pairs we've ever had.
"A lot of people come to this country and work as au pairs as a launch
pad for finding other work. We felt it was a bigger risk a boy would do that.
The other difficulty is that a lot of the work's domestic, and I'm
old-fashioned and felt it might be difficult to ask a boy to do vacuuming
and ironing. But it's all absolutely fine.
"Ian is not enough into his mid-life crisis to worry about having a buff
23-year-old around. We'd had several very attractive female au pairs so it
was payback time. And he was keen a boy could mow the grass. The plumber
said, What happens if you fancy each other?' but it was always very unlikely
as I'm old enough to be Lukas's mother."
IAN "My initial reaction was sceptical, having been a
20-year-old boy and not interested in kids at all. I also had a suspicion
he'd get settled and go somewhere else. But it's always a lottery and it's
worked.
"I didn't worry about having a young man around in the same way my wife
didn't about having young females about. We did have very attractive girls
who I'd noticed, but it wasn't a big deal. What's important is who is right
for the kids. But I can understand how some men would perceive it as an
issue. I'd have no reservations having a boy again. Would I prefer it? It
depends what the girl looked like!"
LUKAS "I needed a change of place and there was nothing
interesting at home in terms of jobs. I have a little sister and know
children, so it made sense to become an au pair. It's good. I get on well
with the parents. I have breakfast with the children, clean the house, do
the ironing, cooking. I play with them a lot cards, outdoor games.
"I've made Czech friends in Cambridge but have no girlfriend at the
moment. I do get homesick sometimes. I've no plans and don't know how long
I'll stay. I enjoy it because I need to be somewhere else other than the
Czech Republic and mainly this job is about people."
The Crawshay Family
Claire Crawshay, 46, a former solicitor, is a full-time mother, her husband
William, 46, is the UK sales director for Scottish and Newcastle Brewery.
They live in Northumberland with their children Cecelia, 17, Arthur, 15,
Susannah, 13, and Richard, 5. Ales Doucha, 24, arrived from the Czech
Republic in November.
CLAIRE "With three children, we always used to have au
pairs, but stopped when Susannah was seven. When I discovered I was pregnant
with my fourth, I resisted having help because the two eldest were boarding.
But in the holidays I wasn't spending enough time with the older children,
so I decided to get an au pair again. We went for a man because I was
influenced by Lea at the UK Nannies and Au Pairs Agency. I'd just assumed
we'd have a girl.
She suggested a male au pair would be better for Richard and said boys are
generally conscientious, hard-working, less particular and more confident
than girls.
"I have to confess I agreed rather nervously. I just wasn't sure I'd be
able to manage him in the house as I would a girl. Things like washing and
other personal things. The ironing! My husband's very particular about his
shirts but Ales is very good at it. Before he arrived various friends said,
What has Willie to say about this?' But Willie has never had an issue with
it.
Perhaps he has complete trust in me. The other aspect is, was it a sensible
idea with 17 and 13-year-old daughters? Again, I don't see that as a
problem. He's not a wicked womaniser."
WILLIAM "My initial reaction was I'm away a lot and it's
good for Claire to have a young man in the house! Richard had had a nice
male babysitter and they'd got on astonishingly well so I knew it wouldn't
be a problem. From the first moment, he and Ales were giggling away.
"As for Claire and a male au pair, for me that was honestly absolutely
not an issue. We've had a string of girl au pairs, not one of them easy on
the eye. Actually, I'd rather have an ugly boy around than an ugly girl.
Girls can be quite moody. Ales doesn't get homesick or mooch about. He's
ambitious and came for very selfish reasons to improve his English and get
on in life. Both those things mean he's motivated, which is all-important.
"I trust Claire absolutely with my life. Coming home from work and
finding the male au pair on top of my wife - it's just so unlikely. Any boy
within a hundred yards she gives a laser beam look of, Keep back from me and
the girls. I'm not interested."
ALES "I was a graphic designer at home and wanted to
learn English and a new culture so decided to be an au pair. I preferred
that to being a cleaner. I enjoy it. I am learning to cook and iron. I play
with the children I'm a big child really. People say it's women's
work well, it can be men's work, too. It's good for when I have kids, and
it makes me appreciate what my mother did for me all those years."
The Castle Family
Frances Castle, 42, and her husband, Mark, 46, are both Army officers. They
live near Salisbury and have three children Rory, 12, Isla, 9, and Flora,
6. Catalin Timaru (known as CJ), 26, from Romania, has worked as their au
pair since December 2005.
FRANCES "We've pretty well always had live-in help. In
1996 I was in Bosnia for six months and there was a girl who stayed with my
husband all the time I was away. It was fine. She was a little girl. It
never occurred to me to worry though Mark was teased by his Army
colleagues. In 2000, we had a girl who was always homesick, always crying, a
wreck. I had a friend who wanted an au pair and took on a couple. I had the
boy. It worked really well and we've had male au pairs seven, I think
ever since. They don't sulk when you tell them to do something another way
and they don't get all emotional. Girls are more needy. The boys fit in
better, aren't fussy about food, they're more self-contained. And finally,
if my husband's away, they cut the grass and do all the man-about-the-house
jobs. They don't have initiative when it comes to cleaning, but girls don't
either.
"My mother-in-law wasn't happy about a chap bathing my girls, but I
wasn't worried about that. There haven't been many jokes about my having a
toyboy. That sexual aspect doesn't occur to me, even though according to my
daughter he looks like Leonardo DiCaprio."
MARK "To be honest, I don't mind what sex they are as
long as they fulfil all the au pair functions. All the chaps we've had
there's never been a problem at all. I make sure their driving is up to
standard and Frances deals with them as far as the children are concerned. A
lot of my friends don't like the idea, especially if they have daughters. If
I ever had a thought, that'd be at the back of it - my daughters - but
it's really not an issue. And as for people's wives having a man around -
well, it depends on how insecure the husbands feel. For us, it's like having
another child, just a more responsible one."
CJ "I was working in Romania as a parachuting
instructor. I'd never been outside Romania and saw being an au pair as a
good chance. I have three little sisters, so I was used to children. It's
beautiful here and I feel lucky. I am doing English courses and the family's
great. I think they trust boy au pairs more than girls they need someone
tough and maybe a bit less sensitive. I spend most of my time with the
littlest child as the older two are at boarding school. Sometimes people see
me as her father till I introduce myself. The boy and I play a lot together.
We have the same passions football and being outside.
"Do mothers at the school gate flirt with me? I wish! Some mums are from
other countries - Russia, Denmark - so we talk and feel homesick
together, especially the Russian mums. We miss snow. But this summer I met
someone in London, an accountant, also from Romania, and we spend every
weekend together."
The Manny by Holly Peterson is published in hardback by HarperFiction, on
February 26 and is available from BooksFirst priced £9.49 (RRP £10), free p&p
on 0870 1608080; timesonline.co.uk/booksfirstbuy
