Every afternoon, as 13-year-old Gemma Gingell’s friends head off to one of their parents’ houses to listen to music or do their homework, Gemma goes home alone. There she is greeted by her mother, and between them they shower her father, give him dinner and put him to bed. Gemma will take particular care to hold his cup steadily for him and check that his nose and eyes are dry.

Alan Gingell suffers from multiple sclerosis and is nearly blind and virtually house-bound. His illness affects not only his life, but that of his whole family – and most especially his daughter.

This week the Princess Royal Trust for Carers, a nationwide charity that helps carers of all ages, has called on the Government to set up an inquiry into the plight of young carers after an inquest last month into the death of Deanne Asamoah, 13, who had been caring for her ill mother and died after taking a morphine overdose.

The official figure for young carers (anyone under the age of 18) in Britain is 175,000. But the Princess Royal Trust says that this number is far too modest. It points to a 1996 Eurostat report that there are three million people under 18 who, though not classified as a “young carer” (because their tasks are shared with someone else), do care for parents. These include those who live with a parent with a disability, those who have a parent who suffers from substance misuse and those who have one or two parents with an alcohol problem.

Gemma’s mother, Jane, says that Alan’s symptoms began to show just after Gemma’s birth, yet ever since diagnosis in 1989 they have had to fight for treatment and help, and Gemma has paid the price.

“I hate to sound bitter, but social services know Gemma and I do everything for Alan and so they have just left us to get on with it. But it is not right for a 13-year-old to shower her father. Together we have looked after Alan for 13 years with no break.”

Gemma knows nothing else. Like many teenagers, she would love to go to Alton Towers and Legoland, but a family trip is an impossibility. Holidays have been courtesy of the Princess Royal Trust for Carers; Gemma first went away from home at 8, to Butlins – the youngest carer in a group that comprised mainly teenagers.

“It was daunting,” she admits. “But it was great to have a break. I was more resentful of caring for Dad when I was at primary school. I didn’t get bullied but I was classed as different. If Dad was in hospital I had to have a day off school and I was called a skiver. And I didn’t want him to come to parents’ evenings because he was in a wheel-chair and different from the other dads.”

Gemma admits that at first she did not like showering her father. She felt uncomfortable seeing him naked. Now, however, she is used to it. This is one aspect of caring that charities say should not happen. The Princess Royal Trust says that this really affects the parent-child relationship, and that much more needs to be done to relieve the burden on children like Gemma.

Alex Fox, the head of young carers development at the trust, says that many young carers have only one parent and no other support. Often the parent has alcohol or drug problems and the child hides his or her responsibilities from school and even friends.

“In most cases, young carers fall between the gaps in the system – they get help from neither adult nor child services until it is too late. Under the Government’s Fair Access to Care these children should get support – guidelines state that when adults are assessed for community care their parental and family responsibilities should be taken into account. But this rarely happens. Many disabled parents ask for help, but often they are told nothing can be done until it becomes a child protection issue, which means the children’s services will come into play. In reality, this means no help is given until after something goes dreadfully wrong, when they are labelled as failed parents, which is often not the case.”

Fox says that the Government’s approach and guidance is in the right vein, but it needs to be taken up by services on the ground. The Princess Royal Trust tried, but failed, to add an amendment to the Education and Inspections Bill last year requiring school governors to nominate a designated person in each school to help young carers.

“Often teachers are ignorant of child carers’ responsibilities, and when they continually miss school, class them as truants. These children then often fail in their education and are unable to get proper jobs,” says Fox.

Luckily this was not the experience of Becky Slater, who has spent the past seven years caring for her mother and her sister. Lynne Slater was given a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis when her younger daughter was 10. Her elder daughter, Nicola, has severe cerebral palsy. So all her life Becky has helped to look after her sister, and now her mother too. “I don’t really know anything else,” says Becky. “I always helped Mum with Nicola, sorting out her baths and meals. When Mum became disabled then I helped Dad with her too.”

Lynne Slater describes her daughter as a Godsend. But she admits that she finds it hard to accept that her 17-year-old has had to put her life on hold to care for the family.

Becky says there are times when she has found the burden of responsibility too heavy. It was particularly hard when she could not go out as much as her friends or chat with them after school. Now she is older, after preparing her mother and her sister for bed, she has more of a life. She is looking for a job with special needs children, but the hours still have to fit in with her family commitments.

Fox says that although most young carers take on these burdens out of love, they often have to cope with guilt and would not choose to spend their childhood playing the role of a parent. “Many young carers tell us that they feel guilty that they no longer want to care, especially when they become teenagers. Their sense of responsibility then competes with their increasing sense of independence. They want to lead their own lives yet feel guilty about these desires.

“Often, young carers just want access to a phone during the day. If they are worried about their parent’s drink or drug problems, they want to stay in contact. If they cannot do this they will not go to school.”

A spokesman for the Department for Education and Skills said: “Ideally no child would undertake such responsible roles. But we must acknowledge that some do, and some of these will do so by choice as families decide that it is the best thing for them. It is up to professionals to work with families and make careful judgments about what support is appropriate, based on the family’s individual circumstances.”

The Princess Royal Trust for Carers: www.carers.org

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