For two weeks we have watched Kate and Gerry McCann suffering the worst
torment that most of us can imagine. If it has been harrowing for us at
home, waiting constantly for news about the fate of their abducted daughter,
can we even begin to understand how it has been for them? Yet the McCanns
have displayed a positivity and determination that has been remarkable to
see. They have refused to catastrophise and have, instead, insisted on
taking action and accentuating the positive.
Undoubtedly this is due partly to their strength of character. But since
Madeleine disppeared they have been helped by two trauma specialists, Alan
Pike and Martin Alderton from the Centre for Crisis Psychology (CCP), who
flew to Portugal from the UK soon after Madeleine was abducted and have been
a constant presence in Praia da Luz ever since.
“We have had excellent help from trauma consultants that has enabled us to use
certain tools to help us look forward and channel our emotions,” Gerry
McCann told the media. “It has helped us to channel everything into looking
forward.”
It is difficult to think of a more atrocious situation than the one in which
the McCanns find themselves. How do trauma consultants guide them through
it? Kevin Tasker, clinical director for the CCP, which is based in Skipton,
North Yorkshire, says that the immediate task is to encourage them to talk
through the events of the incident in detail – when Madeleine disappeared,
what actually happened and how they discovered that she had gone. This is
because after a traumatic event there is a feeling of surreality for the
victims. Talking about the incident in a factual way not only draws out
their feelings but helps them to turn that surreality into reality.
Alan Pike, who is with the couple, says: “The aim is to help them to
understand what is happening to them physically and emotionally, because it
can be debilitating. That allows them to focus on what needs to be done.”
For obvious reasons Tasker cannot discuss the specifics of the McCann family’s
case, but he has agreed to describe the general process by which the couple,
and others like them, are guided through.
“We cannot fix it for them. We know that and they know that,” he says. “But we
can help them to manage their reality and to refocus some of those negative
thoughts into more positive thoughts and practical ways of dealing with
matters. There are all the ‘if onlys’ and ‘what ifs’ – what if we had done
that or said that. We help them to come to terms with those thoughts.”
Traumatised people such as the McCanns are encouraged to focus only on
each day as it comes, not to let their thoughts stray too far into the
future, and to “look at the positives that they can take from each day” – in
Madeleine’s case the public support and sympathy, the widespread media
coverage and the fact that, while the wait for news is excruciating, it
means that there is still hope. The McCanns have responded by channelling
their anguish into energetic action and self-empowerment, mobilising their
family to inspire people across Europe to help them, and making regular
media appearances to keep Madeleine’s abduction in the spotlight.
They will also have been encouraged to keep a diary of their positive
thoughts, to reinforce this mindset. “It is easy to focus just on the
negatives when you have been through a trauma,” says Tasker. “You realise
how easily it can happen to you. Up until then you have taken the world for
granted; suddenly it becomes a dangerous place, when in fact it is no
different from how it was before. But every day lots of positive things do
happen, yet we tend not to see them.” A diary is a way of harnessing those
things as a concrete reminder.
Central to the couple’s wellbeing, he says, is to try to focus on what they
know – the actual evidence – and not to dwell on dark theories. “It’s
important that they don’t allow their minds to go into fantasies about what
might have happened,” he says.
Although it might seem an impossible task in such appalling circumstances,
finding the time to relax each day is also fundamental to their physical and
mental health, and so is returning to normal routines. “You cannot keep
going at something like this 24/7,” says Tasker. “We say, back off a bit,
take time out and try to channel your mind elsewhere for a short time.
“We try to help them to reinstate normal routines as soon as possible. That’s
what life is about. Every day is about routine – work, social, home routines
– and if you don’t get back into that there will be times when you are alone
and thinking too much, ruminating on negative thoughts.”
Indeed, the McCanns have been seen acting out this advice every day, taking
time out to walk on the beach and attend church, and keeping up a daily
routine with their two-year-old twins Sean and Amelie.
But there has been concern about Kate McCann’s weight loss and her apparent
inability to eat. Tasker says that in a trauma, a person’s supply of
adrenalin is constant. Adrenalin creates feelings of nausea, so appetite is
lost. Relaxation helps to decrease the flow of adrenalin, and then the
person is encouraged to eat little and often.
Breathing techniques are also taught: slow, deliberate breaths from the
stomach to abate feelings of panic.
Tasker and his team of travelling consultants are among the leading experts in
their field and have years of experience of working with those caught up in
high-profile disasters and traumas, including the Lockerbie disaster, the M1
air crash, the Hillsborough disaster, the Dunblane shootings, the Omagh
bombings and 9/11. They are unique in having a dedicated team of five
travelling consultants – a deliberately small number which they believe
enables them to keep the quality of their work high.
Tasker, a former social worker specialising in trauma aftercare, joined the
CCP in 1999 after training as a trauma consultant. He worked in Germany for
several years as a social worker with the MOD, and worked with soldiers
returning from Kosovo.
The CCP had been set up ten years earlier by its senior partners
Michael Stewart and Peter Hodgkinson. Stewart had worked with survivors of
the Bradford fire in 1985 and Hodgkinson with survivors and bereaved of the
Herald of Free Enterprise sinking in 1987. Their joint consultancy
established new methods of working with traumatised individuals and went on
to play key roles in the aftermath of such disasters as the Clapham rail
crash and Piper Alpha. Other counsellors include a former intensive care
nurse and a former social worker specialising in domestic and child abuse.
Although each circumstance is different, many of the same principles can be
applied, such as helping people to normalise their reactions to an abnormal
situation and going back over exactly what happened. This, he says, helps
people to get their thoughts in order.
“It helps to fill in the gaps,” he says. “If you are in a crisis or a tragedy,
you only ever see parts of it. But you need to know all of it. Talking about
precisely what happened helps to fill in those blanks, because if you don’t
you fantasise about those gaps and your fantasies are often worse than the
reality.”
He is emphatic that those offering help to the McCanns are not trauma
counsellors but trauma consultants. Counselling is a one-to-one activity
that is used in response to all sorts of personal difficulties and is driven
by the client’s agenda. The trauma consultant’s work, on the other hand, is
structured, highly directive and has a “strong educative component”.
Sometimes, however, people they have helped stay in touch with them for months
afterwards. One woman who survived a coach crash in Turkey was still calling
Tasker for help two and a half years later. “She thought she was going to
die when the coach went out of control, and that is a very powerful thought
that stays with you for a long time,” he says.
“She developed a fear of public transport but had to go to work on the train.
The rushing of the train brought the memories back. It’s what we call an ‘as
if’ experience – as if it’s happening all over again.”
One of the trauma consultants sent out to Praia da Luz has been assigned to
help the hotel and Mark Warner staff, while Tasker has been working in
London with the Mark Warner staff there. “Staff often get quite close to
their guests and feel a responsibility to give them a good holiday,” he
says. “When something like this happens they can take it quite personally.
They, too, will go through the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘if onlys’. The world
suddenly becomes a more dangerous place for them, too.”
After initially spending several hours a day with the McCanns, by now the
consultant will instead be permanently on call “for as long as it takes”,
intervening only when the family requests it. It is important for the
McCanns’ morale that they ask for help from family and friends, and tap in
to the resources around them – something that they have done magnificently.
At the same time, however, they have to “keep it real”, and part of the
consultant’s job is to help to prepare clients for an outcome that is not
the one they want. “It is not allowing people to say (to them) ‘Don’t worry,
it’ll be fine’,” he says.
If, God forbid, it is ultimately the news that we all dread, then the
consultants’ job will be to help the McCanns to accept the reality of that
day.
But there must be days when the McCanns can barely find the strength to get
out of bed. They must have nightmares, and must run over the events of that
night over and over again.
“You can help people to understand that it’s quite normal to do that,” says
Tasker. “With nightmares we try to get them to just accept that it will
happen, then to refocus.” In some ways, he says, there are parallels between
experiencing a trauma and a bereavement – the surreality followed by the
need to restore normal routine. But human strength can be remarkable. The
courage of Ben Needham’s mother, still thinking positively 16 years after
her toddler son disappeared on the Greek island of Kos, is a case in point.
If the search for Madeleine continues for several weeks, there may come a time
when the McCanns have to consider returning to the UK – albeit briefly,
perhaps – to recuperate. But they will be advised not to think about that
now. And yet . . . surely sitting helplessly while they know that a swimming
pool down the road is being drained must be pure hell for them?
“You know what I’d think?” Tasker says. “I’d think, I know why they are
draining that swimming pool – it’s because they are still looking for my
little girl. They are still looking. Let’s treat each day as a new
day.”
He is constantly impressed by those with whom he works. He says: “Some of the
things I have seen people go through and come out of – it is amazing what
humans can endure; the strength they can find.”
Regaining control: how to cope with trauma
The McCann case is a very specific one, but the techniques they have been
taught can be applied by those in any traumatic situation – whether
emotional or physical – to help gain a sense of control:
— Keep a diary of the good things that happen every day. This harnesses hope
and ensures that dark thoughts and feelings are kept to a minimum.
— Focus on what you know. Often people are asked to run through events
again and again. This helps them to focus on facts and makes the situation a
reality, rather than a dream that might end. This is important in building
coping mechanisms.
— Take a short amount of time out of each day for yourself, to remove
yourself from your environment, if only briefly. Going on a short walk is a
good way to do this.
— Reinstate a routine as quickly as possible, this will help to diminish
negative thoughts. Take slow and deliberate breaths to lessen feelings of
panic and hysteria
— Eat little and often
— Nightmares can be debilitating. Accept that you will have them, as
this will help to refocus the mind more quickly afterwards.
— Try to treat each day as a new day, rather than looking too far ahead.
www.ccpdirect.co.uk
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