Smash hit

Also avoid a formal ‘sex talk’. It’s better to let your child take the lead. Your attitude is as important as your answer. The way you respond to questions from your child, even when they’re as young as two or three, will set a pattern. Try to keep the atmosphere receptive, warm and relaxed and you‘ll create an environment where these issues can be talked about openly.

What’s the best age to start talking about this?

There isn’t a ‘magic age’. Most parents find the time comes naturally when their child starts asking. As soon as children can talk, they’re likely to start asking questions about their bodies and noticing differences between themselves and other people’s bodies.

It may be useful to have some responses ready. These need to be age appropriate - for instance a five-year-old child will probably be satisfied by hearing a baby is made by a mummy and a daddy and grows in mummy’s tummy. You don’t need to go into detailed biological explanations.

If a question comes at a tricky moment, for instance when you’re in the supermarket, you could say ‘That’s a good question - let’s talk about it later’. Remember to discuss it as soon as you can - perhaps on the journey home.

Sometimes, starting school is the point at which children come home with new words and questions - they might have heard things in the playground. If you feel shocked by words or expressions your child is trying out, try not to show it. Stay calm and use it as an opportunity for a discussion.

If your child hasn’t asked questions by the age of eight or nine, you could try investing in a book or getting hold of some leaflets that explain the facts of life in simple terms. Leave them around, hopefully your child will open them and you can use this as a springboard for discussion. Talking about how you learned yourself is also often a good starting point with older children.

What happens when you’ve imparted the information?

For many parents, the next stage is more difficult. Teenagers in particular often like to appear as though they know everything. In reality they may know the facts, but often do not understand relationship issues and how to resist pressure from peers or partners. So talking about these issues should be an ongoing process.

As children grow, girls tend to be more knowledgeable than boys. Girls’ magazines are often good sources of information and tackle some of these issues head on. But they can be dominated by fashion and celebrity, sending out messages that can affect children’s body image and self esteem in a negative way. Boosting your children’s confidence and getting them to feel good about themselves is really important.

Storylines in soaps can also often be useful. You could use them to initiate discussions around: ‘What did you think of that persons’ behaviour? How is the other person feeling?’

How much freedom should I give my child?

The area of exercising control is tricky too. Asking questions about where they are going, who they will be with, what they are doing, when they will be back and how you can get in touch can often get a frosty reception from teenagers. Sometimes, and most difficult of all, you will have to say no. In fact teenagers do usually like boundaries and need them. They’ll also get the message you care about their welfare and this has been shown to reduce high risk behaviour.

Peer pressure is powerful at this age and a key part of parenting is helping your child to realise this, and to have the confidence and self esteem to resist it at the right times.

In summary:

Don’t rely on sex education lessons at school - parents have a key role to play in advising and guiding children on sex and relationships through childhood and into the teenage years.

Further information:

To find out more about Speakeasy, go to www.fpa.org.uk. To find out if there are course in your area, email: speakeasy@fpa.org.uk

For a copy of FPA’s ‘Talking to your child about sex and relationships’, call 0845 122 8690.

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