Every so often, readers of this column write in suggesting topics for me to bang on about. Being idle, that's fine by me, unless it's one of those letters that starts off all back-slappy and chummy, but is really a shameless press release for some product with a stupid name. "I'm sure your readers would really enjoy a column about Lardarse Biscuits," writes someone, probably called Jemima. "I've tried them and they're delicious, organic, attractively packaged and such a 'bargain'! I know they will meet all your readers' biscuit needs." The sign-off reveals, spookily, that Jemima is the PR for Lardarse Biscuits, so I reply indignantly, explaining that I don't do free adverts and she says, "But we'll send you some as a gift," and I say, "OK ­ what do you want me to write?" (Just kidding. There will categorically be no gratuitous plugs in this column unless I get a luxury holiday or a car out of it).

But so many of you have now written saying I should address the issue of children's shoes that I can no longer ignore it. Trouble is ­ what can I say, apart from the obvious? That they are a ludicrous rip-off and it is one of life's mysteries that they cost not much less than adult shoes, yet contain barely enough leather to make a mouse a pair of driving gloves.

It's a miracle there aren't more kids hobbling with runtish feet because their parents, faced with lashing out £50 every few weeks at Clarks, have thought, sod it, they can keep the shoes they've got ­ it'll be cheaper to pay for reconstructive surgery when they're older.

I know that the same craftsmanship and science is required for shoes, small or large, but, actually, the same principle applies to lager. And if I order half a lager in a pub it costs half the price of a pint. See? Yet I'm looking here at a pair of teensy Start-rite "pre-walkers" that cost £22. For crawling around in? I could buy ankle boots in New Look for that kind of money.

Besides, the Clarks experience on a Saturday afternoon is like doing the can-can in a vat of treacle. You sit there waiting amid the bedlam with your white ticket as your child stuffs three shoes on each foot and, quite often, you're told the shoes you want aren't in stock. What is it with Clarks and lack of stock?

An American company, Inchworm, has designed children's trainers that, at the push of a button, stretch by two half sizes as the foot grows and cost about $50 (www.inchwormshoes.com). It's a nice idea, but since most kids would sooner boil their own eyeballs than wear trainers that aren't the label du jour I can't see them taking over the world. So it looks like you're stuck with paying through the nose. But you could console yourself with a Lardarse Biscuit ­ they're delicious and such a bargain!

bargainhunter@thetimes.co.uk

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