This tale is appalling and there are no excuses for treating any human being in this way.
I own and run a care home where our staff are trreated with respect, our residents are looked after as if they were our own family - we have qualified chefs, even qualified cleaners. Our home is small, only 13 bedrooms. We look after the residents in our care and spend time with them.
Many people think that the big operators will provide better facilities, but this is not always the case. Small independent homes will offer much much more as they can be more flexible.
If any of you readers are disheartened by the care facilities after reading this article - a word to the wise, don't always rely on the councils "preffered supplier" list of homes - get out and see as many as you can in your catchment area - yoy may be surprised at the difference in care from home to home.
Also - please remember each home is different and dont taint all homes with the same brush...

M London, East Sussex, UK

I work for a company that endevours to address the dignity issues of our older people and spend much time visiting carehomes. All to often I am faced with apathy from the staff in charge, many roll thier eyes when I talk of dignity
Carehomes, many run buy large groups, look wonderful from the outside with flowers in reception and fancy gardens but take a deeper look and ask the right questions and you see through to the truth. Sadly the truth is money, carehomes run by accountants, staffed by overworked underpaid carers who all to often end up as the cleaners,totally demotivated.
Consider the amount of money paid for care, all to often its a case of "open a tin they won't know the difference," (Have YOU ever tasted the food?)
Ever seen a dementia patient without thier clothes on?
No?
Thats because they are often either medicated or as one carer told me 'encouraged to stay in thier rooms' in other words locked in!
OUTRAGED? WE SHOULD BE!

K Coe, Oxford,

I work for a company that addresses the dignity issues of our older people and when visiting carehomes I am constantly doing battle with managers and carers who don't seem to understand the meaning of the words.
Look beyond the fancy gardens and the flowers in the reception and you will find large care groups run by accountants with an eye for money.
How many carehomes charge hundreds of pounds and then serve tinned food?
How often do you see a person with dementia in a state of undress?
Not too often?
That's because they are either medicated or as one carer put it
"encouraged to stay in thier room"
In other words locked in!
Shocked?
Outraged?
We should be!

K Coe, Oxford, UK

How can it be expected that the NHS is properly funded when the Government is more interested in spending billions fighting foreign wars!

Brooks, Munich, Germany

My mother (92) was admitted to hospital with a seriously gashed leg sustained in her care home. She contracted MRSA, but was transferred to another hospital for a skingraft an transferred to he original hospital where she was in considerable pain and prescribed medication to keep her quiet.

She was then transferred back to her care home, but then quickly re-tranfered back to the oriinal hospital because the care home workers were unable to wake her. She died from some bleeding in the brain. Her Death Certificate said cause of death was Pneumonia.

The treatment in the hospital was abysmal and it was difficult to know who was in charge of the ward - doctors, nurses or cleaners. The ward was filthy, untidy and there was a complete lack of organisation. Most nurses (which are which by the way?) spent most of their time at the nurses station talking and laughing amongst themselves. One nurse then told me that too much was being ade of his MRSA. Mother's GP says diffiferently

Rod Barker, Gainsborough, England U.K

I saw my elderly father in Britain die from a brain tumour. It was utterly pitiful - I am still deeply saddened when I remember his suffering. At least, he did get good care at the end. But it was a tragic end to his life. My mother's death was easier because of her Christian faith. She knew Jesus would take her to be with Him.

Robert Cameron, Vancouver, Canada

This story brought tears to my eyes, for two reasons, one because it is so sad, and two because my Mother will be 60 this year, I will be 40, but I am also disabled, I need care myself, so it makes me wonder and worried how I will cope with looking after my Mother when she inevitably becomes old.

Simon Swarbrick, Folkestone, Kent

I feel so angry when I hear this story again and again. I work in the Health service and it dismays me. The lack of care and respect and thought for older people.

As a Health visitor i work with children and families and an important part of my job is knowing what agencies and services are available. Supporting and helping those families get the services they need. Also identifying gaps in services, and petitioning to get those gaps met. Not always successfully because of resources.

When i first started working there were Health Visitors for the elderly. I am not suggesting that this would solve all the problems but it may be a step in the right direction.

Anna Edge, cambridge, UK

I really feel for you, Liz, and I thank you so much for describing the situation in details. Obviously lots of commentors know very well what you're talking about, as I do. Things are similar here in Germany, despite the fact that we have a different health care system. What I found out was that every institution involved just focused on their own profession. That led to the consequence that nobody (apart from the relatives) was able to understand the whole picture and the intertwining of aspects. Therefore their advice was often inappropriate. I found myself left alone. Nobody felt obligued to combine facts from different professions. Paradoxically, professionals felt, well, professional by sticking to their own routines. Professionals very well know that there exists no good solution but only dilemma: with hard work you'll find a less worse solution but never a really good one. Once you try to help beyond your profession you might be blamed even for causing the dilemma itself.

Simone, Cologne, Germany

Residents in privately run homes are NOT PROTECTED under THE HUMAN RIGHTS ACT 1998.

Private care homes are businesses. They are driven by profit, not by the need to look after our loved ones well and with dignity. We must act to lessen the impact of this gross conflict of interests by insisting that the Government adapts the Law to protect our friends and relatives in these homes, and of course, ourselves in time.

If you or I, or any of our friends, or relatives might need care in a privately run home in England and Wales, we ALL need to vocalise this message.

Make a start:

http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/ElderlyHRights/

Vivien Broome, Bradford, UK

I can only write this as a person in my late40's with one parent disabled for the last 20 years through arthritis and the other 86 years old with prostate cancer and dementia, diabetes and a plethora or other complaints an 86 year old has.

Otherwise, my parents are not yet in need of "care" that I and my siblings cannot provide.

However, I see problems ahead. The NHS now screen for high blood pressure and cholestrol thus reducing heart disease and the incumbent deaths from it and of course there is the pneumo jab. Only yesterday we hear we may all have to succumb to organ donation, which personally repulses me. They are stretching out the lives of us on the one hand but without a corresponding provision for aged yet frail people with very little quality of life. Yet who am I to comment - most very old people I know or know of hold onto their poor lives jealously. Quality of life is a subjective thing. I guess ordinary folk, not rich nor very poor, face trouble ahead.

Vee, Kettering, England

I am an attorney who works with the elderly in California. I fear to say that circumstances faced by adult children of elderly parents in California are similar to those described here. Round-the-clock care is very expensive. There are some very nice "assisted living" facilities for ambulatory elderly who have memory issues or for other reasons need regular assistance, but they are expensive--the equivalent of 2,000 to 2,500 pounds per month, and there is no government assistance for this. There is no government assistance at all except for people with few assets who require a stay in a convalescent hospital, although one can make adjustments to keep the well spouse at home. It is very difficult to come to grips with the decline of one's parents--first one doesn't believe it, then one has to figure out how to adjust and to relate to the parents (they're no longer the rational persons they were), and all the while deal with the financial realities...very hard.

Joan M. Rogers, Boulder Creek, California, USA

Liz, you have my profound sympathy. There is one thing you can do. If your mother truly has no quality of life and apparently does not know where she is or who you are and seems so distressed then stop the feeding - that is the "modern medicine" which is currently keeping her in limbo. Keep her hydrated so she will remain comfortable (not that she sounds comfortable now) and that way you will stop prolonging the agony. I know it sounds terrible but it sounds like you are not doing her any favours at present. If she does develop pneumonia make sure no-one starts giving her antibiotics - it is only the "old man's friend" if not treated.
Good luck with both your parents and do your very best to remember them as they were.

Davinia Withington, Montreal,

It's a terribly sad situation, and I do feel for Liz and the family.

A good Independent Finanical Adviser who has passed an exam about paying for care should be able to save the family having to find out so much about the Social Services/NHS funding, and the best way is to reivew your assets and think about this before care is needed.

Helen Kanolik, Bournemouth, UK

Who cares? Tuesday 3 July 2007
I read this articule with horror, as we are in a similar boat with my mother who is 90 in July and has dementia. After my father died suddenly when he was staying with me for a few days in 1993, My sisters and I moved my mother to sheltered accommodation near two of us because she could'nt cope on her own any more she would panic and become very frightened. This worked well for a time but then she became ill and confussed. She was taken to hospital in Somerset, the same hospital I trained at but I am ashamed to say that nursing is not what it was. She had a suspected urine infection but as no one bothered to wash her after 3 days I put her in the bath myself. We moved her to a very lovely care home, which is funded by her pension, a Social Services top up and us, However, my mother has deteriated and has dementia, she has to be kept in the homes special dementia unit and Social Services say they will not pay any more we must move her somewhere cheap

Virginia Holland, St Mars D'Outille, France

My father had a major stroke last November but survived. Importantly he has not lost his spirit to strive to improve.

Nursing homes are for containment. Staff are on the minimum wage and generally from abroad. There is no desire to try to improve the physical condition of patients in their care - a sitting patient is so much easier to deal with, on a rigid rota system. For older people who have spent their lives working it must be debilitating. I have arranged private physio because NHS physio is governed by financial restraints.

My mother is receiving care at home - and guess what Agency Care is delivered by people on the minimum wage generally from poorer countries abroad with inferior standards of care.

This is a system where a great deal of money is to be made. Homes are paid over brick by brick to private sector companies.

This is not care - it is tyranny of the vulnerable. And it is profit driven.

Ann Priestman, Huddersfield,

J. Grosskreutz, you are a very callous individual. Either that or I am guessing that you didn't read or understand the original article. The National HEALTH Service has much to do with the health care of the elderly. Liz Penny does not come across as an immature individual, nor was she "surprised" by her parent's failing health - far from it. Comments such as these make me so angry and upset for Liz Penny and her family who will doubtless read them.

Annie, London,

I am sorry to say that Liz Jenny's complaint reads like an immature teenager's cry at the unfairness of the world.

Why did Liz not learn to use the social services provided? If she had not spend years in total ignorance of the process of ageing of her parents she would not have been surprised by their deterioration.

If at all, this article describes the lack of will to grow up to taking on responsibilities beyond feeding yourself and hopefully healthy children on a day to day basis. May it be, that in other cultures the unmarried family attachments / singles take on much of the care ? Think of how many healthy single aunts and uncles are out there, who could make a fantastic difference if they spent just 1 hour per day for helping out ?

What does the NHS have to do with it ? If too much care demand is put on the NHS, one ends up with managers declaring ill elderlies healthy, effectively withdrawing medical treatment in order to evade care demands. Then what ?

J. Grosskreutz, Sheffield, UK

I read this with tears in my eyes on the train. My mother is in different circumstances as she is not a home owner but I recognise so much of this story. Currently she is an in patient, distressed by constant talk by the doctors of discharging her even though I have told them time after time there is no care plan in place. I cannot get through to them that if they discharge Mum to her old house rather than waiting for sheltered accomodation she will be back in hospital in a matter of weeks, just as happened when she was discharged last time. I am exhausted and fraying at the edges. One of your correspondents need a serious dose of reality - I have to work to support myself and possess neither the skills nor the physical ability to nurse my mother due to back injuries sustained in a serious car accident some years ago. No one will care until the parent of a senior politician collapses in the street and is not identified until they have been through the mill the rest of us are in.

Sheila Topham, London, UK

Who Cares? Tuesday July 3rd 2007
Liz Penny’s article struck a raw nerve as I re-lived the last couple of years coping with a very similar situation.
My father has recently died and this coincides with my mother’s savings reaching the threshold figure for part funding. I have of course been advised that the family home must be sold as soon as possible to continue funding her care. It is a very unpleasant experience to clear a home when the owner is still alive but no longer able to live there.
My mother who suffers from Alzheimers Disease now has a new diagnosis of terminal lung cancer. Her condition is deteriorating. She will eventually be eligible for Continuing Care Funding. Her doctor will have to decide at what point she only has six to eight weeks to live. He can then help me to apply for the funding. I cannot imagine that any doctor can make an accurate prediction. So what will happen if he gets it wrong? Will she continue to receive funding if she outlives the prediction? What an undignified end when people are gambling with your life expectancy to decide whether to allocate funding. All this after watching your life savings diminish at an alarming rate because you unfortunately have a dementia type illness, not a physical one!

P.Shephard, Weston,

I can identify so much with Liz Penny. My experience, however, relates to the care my young son receives.
Horrifyingly, it is taken as read that elderly people in our society are routinely treated in the manner described by Liz Penny in her article. Many do not realise our children can suffer a similar fate when dealing with Social Services/Primary Care Trusts.
At the age of five my son was diagnosed as suffering from a muscle wasting illness which is progressive and life-limiting. As a single parent I have faced a running battle to obtain desperately needed equipment and adaptations.
Only last year he had to go to a local children's hospice in order to have a weekly bath. The local Council agreed to reimburse me for money I had spent on having adaptations carried out. to my home. The Council then changed its mind.
I have watched professionals argue over who would foot the bill for an appropriate bed for him yet till me they understood my plight.
Nothing changes.....

Lisa Dean, Walsall,

As members of a support group who, over several years, witnessed serious neglect of friends and relatives in a local care home, we would agree that the care system is in crisis. The Commission for Social Care Inspection, who have the powers to enforce the health and safety of the most vulnerable, frequently fail to use these powers. So often they put the interests of the profit-making care providers before the interests of the patients. Despite our campaigning for the Human Rights Act to apply to those in care, the Lords have dismissed the appeal. Until enforcement of professional training for carers is mandatory, negligence and abuse will persist. The same protection that applies to children must apply to the elderly in care. Until this happens the government cannot achieve their remit of care from cradle to grave.

Lynde House Relatives Support Group

Gillian Ward, Kingston upon Thames, UK

I was deeply moved by your article. Ten years ago my Grandad's health started to decline and he became bed ridden. Not long after my Grandma was diagnosed with alzheimers.After my Grandad died my Grandma deteriorated and my parents felt they had to look for a nursing home. Like your parents, my grandparents had some money and so could receive no financial support, but the money was quickly eaten up by the fees of private nursing home care. This put huge strain on my parents to try and keep money coming in so that she could stay there for the last years of her life, to say nothing of the emotional side of it, which you are all to familiar with. 10 years on, I'm 19, my father, at 67 has a pacemaker and my mother has just been diagosed with a chronic disease. I find the idea of it all happening again terrifying. I want to do the best i can for my parents and there seems to be very little support. It is short sighted and callous for the Government to do so little for the elderly.

Bem, London, England

Who Cares? Tuesday July 3rd 2007
Liz Penny’s article struck a raw nerve as I re-lived the last couple of years coping with a very similar situation.
My father has recently died and this coincides with my mother’s savings reaching the threshold figure for part funding. I have of course been advised that the family home must be sold as soon as possible to continue funding her care. It is a very unpleasant experience to clear a home when the owner is still alive but no longer able to live there.
My mother who suffers from Alzheimers Disease now has a new diagnosis of terminal lung cancer. Her condition is deteriorating. She will eventually be eligible for Continuing Care Funding. Her doctor will have to decide at what point she only has six to eight weeks to live. He can then help me to apply for the funding. I cannot imagine that any doctor can make an accurate prediction. So what will happen if he gets it wrong? Will she continue to receive funding if she outlives the prediction? What an undignified end when people are gambling with your life expectancy to decide whether to allocate funding. All this after watching your life savings diminish at an alarming rate because you unfortunately have a dementia type illness, not a physical one!

P.Shephard, Weston,

If one thing becomes obvious after reading this article, it is the desperate need to keep the debate going. Sympathy and stoicism is not enough. My mother is mercifully safe (and I use that description literally) in a wonderful Nusring Home after a depressingly similar experience.
It is not that we as children wish to delegate care of our parents. My mother lived with us for 3 years after her first stroke. There just comes a time when you are unable to care, even if you could devote 24 hurs a day to do so, because medical necessity becomes paramount.
We are truly the sandwich generation and we are not coping well with looking after our children, still living with us because they cannot afford to leave and our parents, living longer and more fragile lives, equally dependant on our care.
I have no answer. But we must not shrug off the challenge that undoubtedly faces us all.
So thank you Liz Penney for once again raising the profile of a ticking bomb that is care for our elderly

Mary Rose Selman, Stratford upon Avon,

Liz penney is my aunt, her sister my mum. These are my grandparents. Mrs Ogdenb from Sevenoaks, John Cummings, shame on you. My grandparents are the head of a loving, happy, close family of which they created. If you knew them, you would know they would be horrified by both their stuation, and your comments.
During the last two years, we have all struggled to cope with the decline of a Grandfather that dressed up as Father Christmas every year, and a Grandmother who let us try on all her fancy hats and dresses without grimacing at our grubby fingers on her silk.
How dare you insinuate that our parents have not done everything humanly and humanely possible to ease the pain they are going through. At the same time, our mothers have put on brave faces for family weddings, Christmases and Christenings, keeping the spirit my grandparents created as alive as possible and shielding us, their grown up children, from as much pain as they can, because thats what families do.

name withheld , ,

Liz Penny's article on the treatment of her elderly parents at the hands of the NHS was appalling. What annoyed me most about this moving story was the failure on the part of The Times to name the hospitals involved. We also learnt that Liz Penny is a made up name to protect her real identity. Why? My mother, a patient in Ipswich NHS Hospital, was also badly let down by her treatment, and subsequently died in the hospital. The only way to improve nursing care is to name and shame hospitals who do not get their act together .

sean Murphy, Oxford, England

The experience that Liz Penny described was so like the situation I had with my late father it was uncanny. It seems that misinformation and poor guidance are still the norm.
My hope is that when I reach this situation society will have accepted the principle of euthanasia thus allowing a dignified option to the ending of our lives.

Richard Dalton, Leeds,

Who Cares? Tuesday July 3rd 2007

Liz Penny’s article struck a raw nerve as I re-lived the last couple of years coping with a very similar situation.
I can empathise with all the emotions that she describes and would highlight anger with the system as probably my strongest.

I feel the care system is in crisis and particularly want to highlight some key points in my experience.

Families are far more mobile now than a generation back. They move greater distances away from their roots, making caring for failing parents a logistics problem in itself. I have faced a weekly round trip of over five hundred miles for more than a year, placing my family and me under considerable pressure financially and emotionally.

There are many sources of information on the internet to guide you through the entire process but cross-referencing takes time and some knowledge. I longed for one booklet that would tell me all I needed in one read.

P.Bowman, Harrogate,

My father was totally bed-ridden but mentally strong – he insisted on staying at home, and his home care was fully funded, but when he died, my mother, who has dementia, had to pay because she and Dad had savings. Mum was taken by social services straight to a care home after having a small stroke - not to a hospital. I have been trying desperately to get Mum home with a full care package from social services (as Dad had) but have been thwarted at every turn by unhelpful social workers who do not return phone calls, withold information and make decisions about Mum's care needs- based purely on financial considerations. They lack the courtesy to speak to me first, saying Mum needs to be in a care home permanently, based on an assessment made over 2 years ago by a psychiatrist who has been economical with the truth - this of course means after 12 weeks of social services' financial assistance, Mum must fund her own care. Her only asset - her house. As a Registered Mental Health Nurse, I believe I am better qualified to assess Mum's needs, but I am treated like a fool by social services.The strain on my husband and myself is making us ill.

Anne Dunn, Charlton Marshall, Dodrset, UK

This tragic tale very accurately reflects my own experience with a widowed and demented elderly father who blessedly died five years ago, after a dreadful period incarcerated in two care homes, the costs of which absorbed his entire savings, the sale proceeds of his house and much of my own earned income.

I am deeply depressed to read that five years on the situation is still so unacceptably awful and inhumane, and daily hear similar stories of others of my age, now parenting their parents and struggling with the inadequate support from the state to which they and their parents have contributed financially for decades, in the expectation that practical help would be available when needed at the end of lives well lived.

We should all make living wills, campaign for an enlightened change in the law for those who want an earlier more dignified exit, and insist that this new PM and his new Cabinet make proper humane care for the confused, incontinent elderly a priority.

Sue Stapely, London,

My husband is 56 years old and has alzheimers dementia. Young people with dementia are almost unrecognised within the care system as they do not fit the criteria laid down by the government for access to the care services. Many times, young people with dementia are misdiagnosed, on diagnosis consultants who have an expertise in Alzheimers dementia do not deal with those under 65 so the patient is referred to the Consultant psychiatrist for the working age, who would tend to be experts in the field of mental healthand not familiar with dementia. And then the issue of day centres who are not licensed for people under 65, and respite care falls under the same umbrella. As for care agencies providing care in the home, many home carers are not even dementia trained. I like many carers have stopped working and the fight for help and support continues along with the desperation of what the future holds.

Pat Brown, Luton, Bedfordshire

The article reminded me of the dreadful time my sister and I had for 3 years until my mother died in Scotland last July.We had good private carers initially and then my mother had a stroke.The Western General in Glasgow was absolutely wonderful but I cannot say the same for Gartnavel General hospital where she was sent after I found her with swollen legs( heart trouble) and left by Social Services carers who had not called an ambulance and left her there, at the start of a holiday.At Gartnavel General there were some kind nurses but I saw some terrible treatment by geriatric nurses while my mother was there.As she was deaf she was treated as an idiot,although she read newspapers daily and was not allowed to wear incontinence pads,until I brought some in.I had to fight with nurses on many occasions.At the last hospital where she died,Blawarthill ,like the Western,she was treated well.All along though we had to fight for my mother.Food could not be reached either;left to die basically!

H.Waddell, London,

Like others I can identify with many of the issues raised in the article. In my case my mother had vascular dementia which was not diagnosed for 5 months because it took that long for the appointment to come through. During that period and for some time afterwards I was totally ignorant of the symptoms of dementia which meant that coping and trying to help my mother was even more upsetting and frustrating that it otherwise need have been. When my mother had to be admitted to hospital after a stroke I found that although the the nursing staff were very caring they had little experience of dealing with a patient who has dementia and this caused difficulties because she was unable to communicate and had her eyes closed for most of the time. I have written a book on my experiences. It is called "Living with Dementia A Son's Story" and is available online from Amazon and WH Smith. When an illness like this strikes information is key.

Robin Spice, Woking, UK

I want to know exactly what are Nurses taught as regards caring for elderly patients? My darling husband, aged 86, having ended up in an "observation ward" following one of his many distressing falls, was sent off to go to the loo by himself, whereupon he fell again. Food he could not reach was dumped on his bedside table trolley and then taken away. Nurses refused to help him sit further up the bed - "I might hurt my back" said one young lady. I sent her off to fetch another nurse to help her and they moved him easily and correctly. This in an otherwise good Teaching hospital.
Age Concern provide about 40 excellent Fact Sheets regarding finances etc. But if you own your house jointly and you need to sell to raise money, half would naturally go to fund Care and you may have only half the proceeds left to buy a property for yourself.
Carers' mental and physical health is destroyed through exhaustion and despair. There must be a better way to cope with all this.

Valerie

Valerie Falla, Loughton, Essex

I feel for the writer of this moving article. My mother suffered from Parkinson's disease and dementia. When she finally went into a nursing home, after a debilitating period in a hospital where she deteriorated badly, we thought she would only have months to live. So we, my sister and I, agreed to fund a good quality private nursing home. She lived, deteriorating very slowly all the time for a further five years. I know how you must feel. The frustration and loss of dignity, loss of quality of life, the desparate unfairness of it all, plus the huge amount of money it all cost. The only comfort I can give you, is that in the long term, these sad days will be forgotten and you will do your best to remember your parents as they were when they were younger.

But it worries me about my own future. There is a history of dementia in my father's family - he also had Alzheimers but thankfully only had 6 months in a hospital before contracting pneumonia and dying at the age of 79.

Kay , Bristol,

I have gone through many of the things that Liz Penny describes. Both my mother and my aunt are now in care homes, in both cases after long spells in hospital. My mother was clearly seen as a bed blocker and discharged too soon, only to be back in hospital within a week. My aunt's hospital stay was better -- but two of her friends caught c. difficile while visiting her!

However, now that they are both in care homes, at opposite ends of the country, things have improved. The standard of care is excellent, with the staff ranging from the merely dedicated to the positively angelic. And while my mother is in a position to pay for her own care, my aunt is dependent on financial help from the local authority, which we have had no trouble in arranging.

As a society we need to get this right! I was recently told by my pension adviser that the actuaries think I will live to 84. I fear that medicine is now able to prolong our existence, but not really extend our lives.

Jim Webber, St Albans,

It angers and saddens me that this situation is still happening. My mother died of dementia related pneumonia 5 years ago - our catalogue of nightmares are hauntingly similar to the writer - but why haven't things changed? We all know about the demographics, we all know about the possible illnesses old age brings, we know that hospitals are not the place for the confused, that staff are poorly trained to deal with mental incapacity and that financial assistance is a lottery. We need to face the demon and openly debate the care we offer to those who are vulnerable. The charities and organisations representing the elderly are vocal but not forceful - perhaps it's time for those of us not yet elderly or confused to speak up - because if we don't we will be the next generation facing these appalling standards.

Amanda, London,

Govt set up commission into care then ignore the results for ten years. The process to fund nursing care is further complicated and as with benefits if you increase the size of the claim form fewer people naturally claim and suffer and remain tied up in red tape as evidenced by your article. Offer older people a choice to live in own homes especially if you have served the general community during your working life. Councils reduce the number of funded residents in care as the criteria to qualify is raised year on year. With increasing numbers of elderly now our local council are proud to announce with the council tax bill that fewer people year on year have been funded in care. We supply high quality Residential care and have had a waiting list for the last 8 years but recently in the locality 25 vacant beds in the area and no one is getting referrals. Easy option would be to sell up for flats but what happens to the elderly and their families?
Bureacracy is deadly. Dont get old.

D Sandhu, Crawley, England

John Cummings - how can you be so callous? Has it occurred to you that they possibly could not afford to give up their jobs? Either way, it is an absolute disgrace that more is not done to help people in this situation.
My grandmother lives in France, and she has severe dementia. My mother is an only child, and cannot move over to France to care for her as her husband, her children, are here in England. My grandmother cannot move as it would cause her too much distress. So we are forced to endure 30+ telephone calls a day, often repeating the same information. I've lost count of the number of times I've had to comfort my mother, left in tears at the hopelessness of the situation. Care for the elderly is better in France - and as my grandfather was in the Forces, the Army pays for much of his widow's care. If the situation was similar to how it is here, I dont' know what we would do.

Emily, London, UK

This article moved me to tears, as my parents in law are in a similar position, although we have been very lucky in that they are both in the same care home, mother with dementia and father with frail health after a triple heart by-pass several years ago, and botched cataract operations leaving him virtually blind.

Yes, you wouldn't treat a dog like this, advances in medical practices has caused this. This is the generation that fought in the last war, how many more old people would there be if that had not occured!

My in-laws have never had any money themselves, but siblings have left them money, not that mum is aware of that. They are now having to pay over £2000 per month for their care.

With regard to the comment of giving up jobs and family to look after them, they need specialist care, I am not able to give them this care. We also live 300 miles away and cannot afford to move to where they live.

Pat Mardon, Norwich, Norfolk

I write in something of a fury over your T2 article today - goodness what do people expect? For every person in their eighties (and there are so many) there is hierarchy of need right down to the young great grand children - where does the funding go? It isn't infinite whereas the need is and will continue to grow.

My husband and I are only children and have had the responsibility for elderly parents all our lives. On Mother's Day this year my husband's mother was dying a protracted death in one local hospital whilst my mother was suffering a strangulated hernia for which NHS Direct refused to send out of hours care as they said it was just gastric flu and she should take paracetamol. Both our parents have suffered chronic illness all their lives and have had numerous hospital admittances and continuing care of one sort or another. Is our NHS and Social service perfect? No but good and trying their best! It sure beats dying by the side of the road as many in the 3rd world do.

carol, chesterfield, UK

As a carer for somene who is in the advanced stages of dementia I do not, at the moment, share the experiences of the people in the article. The drug regime my wife is on is not NICE approved and is being bought privately and there is no doubt it has slowed the rate of decline. However I will faced with the financial impact of funding a place in a care home say £30K per annum. This will seriously impact on my life. So I'll try to continue at home as long as possible with the likely effet on my own well being.Succesive governments ignore the demographic time bomb that faces them. Tax rebate would soften the blow of full time care costs. the chancellor gets most of the estate at the end anyway!

David Purnell, Nottingham, Notts.

My mother was diagnosed with dementia in 1999. Since she had lived with us since 1983 we carried on caring for her at home. things became increasingly difficult. It was like amilitary operation to go out for the day, since she could not be left for any length of time, so a "nanny sitter" had to be organised. On several occassions she had transient ischaemic attacks. One morning at 2a.m. I found her on her bedroom floor unable to speak. My daughters and I could not get her off the floor and eventually called an ambulance. After 5 hours in A&E we were sent home and told that if happened again we were to wait an hour before calling an ambulance which we interpreted as "only call if she is dying". The only help we got was a prescription for Aricept which was eventually withdrawn as unsuitablbe.. Things became more difficult as she deteriorated and still no help. Without my selfless daughters I would not have been able to keep her at home. We looked after her with no help until she died .

Mary West, Bexhill on sea, England

We are so often told in this country that nurses are "angels" for doing what they do. In my experience - and as this article highlights - a lot of them are entirely devoid of any kind of human kindness whatsoever. So far, I've luckily avoided going into hospital myself, but on the three or four occasions I've had to visit friends or family, the description of "gossiping at a workstation" set out above has been entirely accurate - and this happened as my grandmother lay dying, my severely depressed friend was undergoing a reaction to drugs given after an overdose (when I asked if they could anything to stop her face swelling and turning purple, they simply shrugged), and when my best friend was undergoing an extremely extended labour (the nurse refused to get the consultant, until the baby was in severe difficulties and the mother near panic). I thank god that I have the financial resources to go private - as I've never had a decent NHS experience in my life.

Jo Price, Birmingham, England

Oh, how I cried when I read the report written by Liz Penny. My heart goes out to her and her sister. I battled with a similar situation 5 years ago, when my Mother was in crisis.Lizs story mirrored my own.When, towards the end of her life my Mother was admitted to hospital, she was lucky enough to be admitted to the only bed available, on a terminal cancer ward, where wonderful palliative care was given, both to her and to me.When she died, peacefully, I was happy! I had done all my crying during the years I had battled for her. Yes, it is a battle and, you are on your own out there to fight as hard as you can. That battle almost destroyed my marriage.Now, I remember my Mother with happiness and never reproach myself for anything I didn't do! I know I tried as hard as I could to give her the best quality of life and Liz and her sister should be so very proud of what they are doing. Never give up the fight.Good luck to them both.

Gaye Bliss, Lincoln, U.K.

We don't need a debate about whether the care system is working. It is clearly grossly deficient, because it's based on an outdated social model in which women were a much smaller part of the workforce, extended families and close knit communities were the norm. Further, advances in medicine ensure that frail elders survive longer to a life of ever increasing frailty and dependence. No individual should be expected to undertake 24/7 unremitting hands on care responsibility - anyone who has had to care for someone with dementia will know that this is what is involved. For the future, with increasing numbers choosing not to have children, governments won't even be able to fall back on family care as a cheap means of plugging holes in provision.
What we do need is a debate about how to force government to give these issues top priority. I fear that withdrawal of support at the ballot box - or the threat thereof, will be too little, too late. Any better ideas?
Alex, Surrey

Alex Gayler, Surbiton, Surrey

I have been through all of this with my mother, I found the help of the 'NHFA' invaluable (Nursing Home Fees Agency, St. Leonard's House, Mill Street, Eynsham, Oxford. OX29 4JX). 01865 733000. They give you free advice on the different methods of payment and I chose to purchase an insurance policy to fund my mother's care, it covers her for as long as she lives.

With regard to hospital care, I would have been totally lost if my son was not a GP, he knew the questions to ask and the people to speak to.

Ros. Stocks, Bexhill on Sea,

My husband at 65 has had Parkinson's with dementia for 16 years. I can totally empathise with this article and am very fearful that all our money will go when he has to go into a nursing home. I've been told "don't worry you will be entitled to income support"! That's when we've been careful about saving. My caring role totally dominates my life and he cannot be left alone any more and what is most depressing is the extremely long-term nature of our problem. I agree with others, more must be done for the ageing population.

Rosemary, London, UK

I have just read your article and can identify with the frustration you so clearly feel. My mother had Parkinsons for 27 years and until 6 months before her death last October had lived at home with carers and the support of her family, her care paid for out of her savings. In May last year she fell and ended up in a nursing home - she died in October from a chest infection following a broken hip. We asked for her to be assessed for continuing care several times and 6 weeks before her death this was done - the results came through several days after she died and yes she had been entitled to continuing care. At no point through this process had any one told us anything about continuing care - it was a chance discovery whilst scanning the web - although her fees ( £10k plus) were paid back as a family it would have been nice to spend her last few weeks of life with her and not battling the system for her rights.

Sharon Imlach, West Sussex,

I sympathise, having gone through these hoops on behalf of my father. The following may help. Was either parent ever in the forces? Perhaps 'hostilities only' during the war. The appropriate service may be able to assist. They have homes where both parents could live in the same property. I got Dad into a Royal Navy version and he's happy and very well cared for. Try EHSRA and/or The British Legion.

Perhaps you could pass on this information to your author.

Martyn Hoare, Beckenham, Kent

Unfortunately we are also working longer and both partners need to work to pay the bills, sometimes we have finance issues in general life too and if we have parents in their nineties we are not exactly in the full flush of youth ourselves and if jobs are given up it would be difficult to get back into a job when you are nearly 60 yourself, and we are all aware of the worry over pensions. I was an only child and have had a similar experience with my 90 year old father, if the social workers had not been on hand to witness his distressingly confused state first hand he would still have been expected to remain in his own home. We have had to sell his property to finance his care and that was what achieved the result the fact that we could pay. He arrived with a urinary tract infection which his own GP had not diagnosed, in fact when asked to pay him a visit he asked what point there was in that. My father has settled to a bored, uninspiring existence in a care home a shadow of a man

Rae St.John, Motherwell, Scotland

Reading the article in todays Times2 could have been my own account. In August 2005 my Father suffered a stroke and was taken into hospital in a large Somerset town. When he wasadmitted he could stand and tell staff who he was and where he lived..within 12 hours he could do neither but no one gave us any information about why this had happened and what had changed. My mother aged 85 was recovering from a broken leg and had to be taken to see him each day, a round trip of 50 miles, the car park at the hospital cost us £35 per week, no one gave us any advice or help. When we visited my Father was often to be found soaked in his own urine from head to foot, unable to move, his food placed out of his reach..often a member of staff would come round and say ' didn't want your lunch then ? and take it away...oblivious to the fact that he could not reach the tray. His teeth went missing, he was left dirty with other peoples clothes on him..the list could go on and on....then the move to hell..

TESSA CHERRILL, BRIGHTON, EAST SUSSEX

I think that the care of the eldery is in crisis. I don't think that it is neccessarily because families are not prepared to look after their own, I think that it is mainly due to the better medicines that are keeping people alive and the sheer lack of resources to fund such long term care.
The pay that carers in the home and nursing homes get, is an absolute disgrace so somewhere, somebody is making the money if the fees per week are so high.

Come on UK readers,, who is going to 'Jamie Oliver' care for the elderly. After all, we all grow old.

Debbie, watford,

last September, Social Services were very unhelpful when my mother was in need. They wanted me to act within a day, but when I wanted help and advice, no one was available because my mother had not been alloctaed a "Case worker"
I was furious. It seemed that the Social services could move heaven and hell to get my mother out of a place to another, but no one could help where we want some help and advice.
It was felt my mother needed full nursing care as well as the ordinary care. I have to say that she was granted full nursing care, but as this is paid straight to the home, we had to pay over £2200 per month for her fees as the Primary Health Trust did not pay quickly. This money still has not been reinbursed to my mother’s estate. It is a sum of over £1160.
I believe that more information should be made which can be easily understood. Cash should be available and support for families.

Michael Brinkworth, Derby, Derbyshire

John Cummings, get real. They are supposed to quit their jobs, put their own lives on hold (including spouses, children, etc), and care for their parents full time? And who's going to pay for this? Pretty soon their own savings would run out, and then where would they be? It's true that in the old days, people were cared for by their relatives at home, but in the old days, people didn't live much past their 60s becuase if they got sick (vs just the pains of aging), no one could afford the doctor so they just died. Not everything in the old days was "good". If the state purports to provide state-funded health care, then it should be the first choice because it's the best choice, not the last choice.

Sarah, Ottawa , Canada

I am so so sorry. I can only imagine how traumatic this must be for you and your sister. Seeing people you love in distress and pain is one of the worst things imaginable and my heart goes out to you. But I do congratulate you for battling and fighting for better treatment and conditions for both of your parents. Small comfort, but you are obviously a loving and loyal daughter. And you are also setting an amazing example to your own family. God bless.

Annie, London,

This article was was a real 'connect' with the situation we are facing with my mother at the moment from the fall through the rest of the storyline.
The shocking thing is that my grandfather experienced the same situation and got better treatment - thirty years ago!
Other crisis situations rightly attract publicity from the ill treatment of young people in eastern europe through to the plight of refugees. No fingers being pointed here but perhaps the image of a journalist wading through wards of understaffed , confused , neglected and forgotten elderly patients might at least make people sit up. In this country this does not even become a major election issue - perhaps it ought to be ? - it needs a champion and a campaign - The Times?

Martin Saunders, Ilkley, West Yorkshire

This saga is all too familiar. It could be a description of my own experiences. Many, many points are well made. When will these issues be taken up by politicians. Hospital sevices not meeting needs of elderly, cynical rejection by Social Services of "self funders", total inconsistency in the meaning of NHS continuing care. How can someone who is not capable of standing, washing, cooking or any of the "activities of daily living" be deemed "stable" and therefore left without care and funding as my parents were. "fortunately" !! for them they are able to fund care but of course their savings, house sale proceeds etc. are being used. How can this be fair along side others who have not saved at all? Also the question of assets in joint and sole names. It is a minefield.

The more complicated issues of quality of life have also a strong resonance for me. We need high profile discussion - HOW?

Ruth Thomas, Norwich,

Reading Liz Penny's desparate account of her parents' declining years made me realise how incredibly lucky my family have been in the care given to my mother in the rural area of Dunscore, Dumfriesshire.

Fifteen months ago, at the age of 89, she was desperately ill and it was her dearest wish to remain at home. Her wonderful GP agreed to this, whilst pointing out that she would stand a better chance of recovering in hospital on a drip. My brother and I backed up her decision and within 24 hours a hospital bed appeared (later followed by a bed hoist, wheel chair and whatever else was required).

We had private carers for her and they were backed up by the most wonderful team of feisty, caring and fun ladies who came out three times a day from the surgery to help with my mother's personal care and later when she recovered to help get her up and put her to bed.

My mother recently celebrated her 90th birthday, still in a wheel chair but with an amazing quality of life.

Jill Marx, London, UK

We experienced similar problems with mother-in-law and father following each other from their respective homes to hospitals, to residential homes, to hospitals several times and finally to nursing homes.
This lasted nine years. Finances were drained and so were we.
I watched two self respecting people lose all dignity. I wanted to put an end to their misery and confusion and felt inadequate because I could not really help them.
They died in the same nursing home within eight weeks of each other.
I have not grieved and I don't think I ever will. It was a blessing!
Good luck to you and your sister. remember to look after yourselves too!

Lloyd, Newport, UK

The moral is : Plan your life so that you're either very rich or very poor.

lala, london,

My mother died on New Year's Eve 2004, after an unbearable 3 months for her & her family. Widowed since 1996, she developed dementia which worstened when she was 88. Living alone she couldn't dress herself, bathe or cook for herself. Her daily "carer" failed to turn up 3 days running, and when I panicked and phoned the Social Services I was told "you know your mother's short-term memory has gone. She just doesn't remember the carer being there" !!! On examination, the carer's log-book proved that she hadn't actually called on my mother, leaving her to her own devices. Mum then went into a wonderful care-home, but after several strokes went in to .Bournemouth hospital. I am sickened by what the hospital did to her. Arrogant and unsympathetic doctors made her final 2 months unbearable. No dignity is allowed in our NHS hospitals. Because of the ethos of the NHS I have signed a Living Will. Mum suffered un-necessarily. I will never forgive the doctors responsible.

helen morris, Cheam, Sutton, Surrey

I experienced similar agonies when my father, six months before his 90th birthday needed specialist care for distressing mental health problems. John Cummings, it is not a case of children not wanting to care for their parents. We are not health professionals. We simply cannot administer the sort of complex care the elderly need. Towards the end my father needed to be winched from bed to chair. My 82-year old mother and I simply wouldn't have been strong enough to do it - it took the strength of two male carers to that.

I'm afraid modern medicine keeps people alive long after their natural 'expiry' date. My father wouldn't have wanted to end his days in such an undignified fashion. If the NHS can't cope now, God knows what will happen in 15-20 year's time when the baby boomers start needing residential care. Me, I'm just hoping that the laws on euthanasia change in this country so that I can choose the time and manner of my death.

Anne, Cambridgeshire,

Most disturbing to me was this comment "We put our own lives and families on hold..."

Says it all about family (or not) life in the UK.

Mrs Ogdenb, Sevenoaks, Kent

John
Would it be that easy to give up our jobs to devote time to elderly parents. We have mortgages, bills, children to support - get real!

Louise, Tidworth, Wilts

It seems rather unfair of John Cummings to say that the author and her sister didn't want to look after their parents. They did, but no doubt they have their own children to look after, which involves working to support themselves. Also, most probably, having experienced all these problems with funding their parents' care and no state pension to speak of, they also have to prepare for their future, and the possibility that they too will have to go into expensive care. I also imagine that caring for the elderly requires medical knowledge and skills.

Lisa, London,

mother lived an active independent life with her dog until at 87 she had an emergency admittance to hospital and a life saving operation. She contracted C Diff and was in isolation for 8 wks, then discharged a skeletel imobile needing residential ?? care. She was widowed at 42 so worked as an auditor till she was 74 buying her first home when 54. A lifelong salvationist she also did voluntary work for Samaritans, Age Concern, NHS Trust and other bodies. She went to a Palace Garden Party in recognition of these activities. Discharged from hospital but soon back from care homes with all sorts of emergencies. I have sold her home to finance her self funding nursing care. This home (4th change because of inadequate care) is the best I can find locally. I am 67 and work as a lecturer. My husband has a heart condition, my sister recently secondary cancer. Mother and I have never really got on but I feel totally responsible for providing for her in her miserable, vunerable situation.

joyce McArthur, Middlesbrough, England

The rather hollow last laugh for the very old is - it will happen to you!!!!! Surely the point is wouldn't we want a better end than this story tells. If so then please, please think of the elderly as us and not them.

Bridget Coleman, Collumpton, UK

I felt I was reading my own story - 15 years ago and yet nothing has changed. We should be ashamed of ourselves as a nation. The old have a rather hollow last laugh to all the shallow people of today - old age - it will happen to you too!!!!

Bridget Coleman, Collumpton, UK

I can sympathise with the author's final comment about golden memories of her parents, being obliterated by the unending misery of their last months on this earth. In my case, it was 4 years of unmitigated misery for my mother in various 'care' homes and now 2 years after she's died, I am still tortured by those experiences and am incapable of remembering her when she wasn't in a pitiful state.

D Simmons, Teddington, Middlesex

debbie simmons, teddington,

For 15 years I managed the affairs of my late aunt in a nursing home. The local authority were straight and paid most of the fees. The Pensions Dept. were a nightmare. always changing the rules and always sending her forms to fill in . she could not read or write. Her nursing home changed hands 4 times and descended slowly into hell when it was closed by the Inspectorate. She spend the last 18 months in a truly caring nursing home found by the Social Services and there had her best quality of life.
She died suddenly aged 92. She had been saved by the NHS from pneumonia 3 times, after 20 years of sufferring.

David Torpy, Bristol , UK

Yes, the care system IS in crisis. It's an absolute disgrace. I identify with EVERYsituation ,as I've battled with the 'system' since 1992, caring for my father with Parkinson's (he died in 2002) and, currently, my mother who's been in declining health for years - diabetes, leg ulcers, failing eyesight and now dementia. After a fall on Christmas Eve, lengthy hospital and failed re-hab stays she has now been admitted into full-time nursing care. Her and my father's treatment throughout has varied from excellent to downright appalling (this being quite apart from my mother-in-law's disgusting decline and subsequent MRSA infected multiple bed sore ridden death after 3 months in a local hospital). I now have the, I am warned, hugely stressful and difficult task of applying to the (money grabbing) Court of Protection in order to gain Receivership rights to sell her house to fund the care home fees. Power of Attorney- a much easier option- cannot be given due to her dementia. A nightmare!

Julia Lucie, Nottingham, UK

There's only a finite amount of resources in the pot - what do we do? The long term care funding system does penalise those who save and do not live off the state but that is the way of the welfare system: if any welfare claimant has over a set amount of savings/resources they are not entitled to the financial assistance, whether that is for Job seeker's allowance, pension credit or for assistance to fund alternative care.

Liz doesn't mention the deferred payment schemes that many local authorities offer - whereby a charge is registered against the property so that after the person has died, the local authority will recoup any fees it has paid for residential or non-continuing care funded nursing care. this then allows the person's property to remain their own for their lifetime, and for some spares them the agony of losing their home as well as their independence. Always seek independent advice - the resources suggested by the article really ar useful.

running bunny, Manchester, Uk

My heart goes out to Liz Penney. I've been through the nightmare of dementia with my father in law, and am now back there with my 89 year old mother. I pray often to a God I don't believe in that she'll quietly slip away in her sleep before we come to ghastly NHS geriatric wards or a care home she'll hate however 'nice' it is, but it ain't going to happen.
As for John Cummings' pious comments, have you ever tried looking after anyone with dementia 24/7, week in, week out, on your own? Let alone anyone also bedridden? Until you have, you are not entitled to an opinion on the matter.

Liz Young, London, UK

You only have to read 'living in fantasy isle' by Stephen Pollard in this edition to see the scale of the problem coming. Our political leaders are deluding us, they (and so are we) in denial about the current problem let alone the future scale of it, once the baby boombers start retiring on masse.

Fed Up , London, UK

I found this an incredibly moving and powerful piece of journalism. I lost my Mum 2 years ago to a relatively short illness and my Dad died when I was a young girl. Whilst I mourn the fact that, by the time I was 34, I had no parents. I also thank God that my parents, brother and I were spared the indignity and hardships of a long drawn out death as described in this article. Your author is right, we would not treat a dog like this. My mother-in-law recently told me about a friend of theirs, in his late 80's, dreadfully ill with Parkinsons, who had been given his pneumonia jab by his GP. What kind of madness is that? I hope that by the time I reach the end of my life, we have seen sense and made euthanasia a legal and ethical choice.

Lisa Barcroft-Lee, Knutsford, UK

My experience is very different. In 1999 my father, who had been my mother's carer, was taken ill. He went to hospital, Mum went to stay at a residential home where she was friends with the owner, and neither returned to their own home.

Social Services were involved from the start, and explained the options. They explained that the house would have to be sold (there was no way either would be able to live there again; Mum was quite happy in the residential home) and until the money dropped to a certain level they would be self-funding. They kept in close contact, helped us sort out what payments were due, and helped us through when Dad first moved in with Mum at the residential home, then after his condition deteriorated he had to move to a nursing home.

The contact from social services is available by phone, and visits both regularly to check care is up to the standard required. The homes are both well run and they are well-cared for.

Lin White, Herne, Kent

Have you applied for the carer's allowances? Anyone who cares for someone for 35hrs a week or more can qualify. It is hard not to put in 35 hrs.

Also your mother should get attendance allowance. Ditto your father if he moves back home.

The problem is that they system is overly complicated. Medical staff are desperately over stretched, but also confused by the system. The financing is over complicated with a plethora of allowances.

I have a 100+ year old mother, now blind, and recovering from fall. mercifully she is still intelligent, but has carers visiting. they are rushed off their feet as they have many others to go to. And it is a pretty awful job - can anyone want to spend their lives going round a dozen or so elderly people, emptying commodes or worse, having to shout to make themselves heard, but probably not understood, for pretty miserable pay? Working a in system lacking coordination? And which creates problems?

It needs root and branch reform.

M E Corby, London, England

Its really difficult when parents are getting older and get engulfed by thousands of complexity. Your situation is like a double edge sword. If you do your job you cannot look after your parents and if you look after your parents, from where the money comes? Those who went through this can understand the agony ....... The state must deal with this sort of problems of senior citizens with utmost care..... because when they were young they gave their lives to make us comfortable. Now, its the payback time for them.

Abubakar Rahil, Dhaka, Bangladesh

I would like to say what admiration I have for the author of Liz Penney's article today in Times2. It took a huge amount of courage to write so openly about her dearly loved parents, in what is such a tragic situation.

By laying bare the horrors that have happened in her family situation she will in turn have given others an insight into the so-called 'Care Service' we have in this country. It is only when you have to negotiate the minefield of that system that you start to realise that Care is the last word that should be applied to the service or lack of it in operation.

I feel very strongly that this article and others like it should be put into the main paper, say at the weekend in the Review section which is read by many people over the weekend. We are all living longer, our parents are living longer, and our adult children need to know what the pitiful situation is. Please, give this more coverage. The general public need to know what is going on. WELL DONE LIZ PENNEY !

Lynne Acketts, Billericay, United Kingdom

I found this article sad and depressing. What has happened to our so called caring society to allow this situation to exist. Most of this deterioration has taken place in the last decade and despite huge amounts of money being pumped into health care the situation is becoming worse day by day. The treatment of the elderly is a disgrace in this so called civilised country.

John Ford, Colchester, Essex

I work as a Solicitor advising the elderly and their families on funding care and related issues. Dealing with the NHS, Primary Care Trusts and Local Authorities on a daily basis is soul destroying and I find myself having the same arguments over and over again. In the end, it all comes down to money and the people with the forms to fill in don't seem to care that there are ill, confused and (often) frightened human beings at the end of it all who need care - real care, not what passes for it at a lot of hospitals and homes.
Age Concern's factsheets are a real help to those who don't want to/ can't afford to incur professional costs in fighting for the care their relatives deserve. People who do wish to consult a speacialist should contact Solicitors For the Elderly, a national network of lawyers who deal with these matters on a daily basis.

Sofia, Warwickshire, UK

This will prove to be the greatest time bomb facing all of us.
My life has been turned upside down in trying to juggle things around and look after and elderly family member.
It has caused great friction amongst siblings because as soon as one gives extra effort to look after a relative,it seems the others move further away from what must be a joint effort.
The attitude of the medical profession to the elderly in this country is nothing short of outrageous.

James Currie, london,

No, its not the care system which is the problem, its the culture. There is no respect for the elderly in the UK, indeed there are a source of amusement for many young people. Many foreign cultures have a different attitude to the elderly. We all in the UK care deeply, but too many of us want somebody else to actually do the caring.

Peter Donson, Southwell,Notts, UK

Across yorkshire and the Humber,according to the experts it is anticipated that the number of people over 80 will increase by around 65% between now and 2025.The cost of care currently for people over 80 is around four times the cost of an 'average'patient.Reports such as the Wanless Report show that to meet the demographic challenges and remain true to the founding principles of the NHS we need to improve self care ,and drive wastful and inefficient practices out of the system.Why then doesn't more people in the community get involved in the decision making process?and effect change to allow carers who are willing to provide care more support.Accepting that people live longer ,ask yourself what can we do to protect the people we love?and ACT NOW not when it's to late, to SAVE OUR NHS.without it we would all be the poorer.

M E Hoult, Leeds, Yorkshire

With all due respect, What did the author expected others/government to do ? How long can we keep paying for elderly people ?

Surely eighties is a time to move on [die] unless you have saved enough money to have lots of care.

Its a reality which someday Europe will have to face as there is no way to fund this prolongated useless life.

No offence meant to elderly people, its a fact that we all have to face one day.

Ash, guildford, Uk

One of the most moving,distressing and eye opening articles I have evr read. I feel ashamed to be British.

Gideon, London,

I went through exactly the same horror with my own parents, although it was lucky for me that they lived in an ex-colony where you can pay house-help extremely well for the country at a fraction of the cost in Europe. As a result, they were able to die at home. All the same, I got severe depression after my father's death, my mother's dementia lasted twenty years, and her deterioration as narrated in the above story went on for five years, during which I experienced what I would call living death, only death would have been better because I would have felt nothing. Sure, some of the carers made off with everything that wasn't nailed to the floor, but it seems a small price to pay for having been able to keep them at home. My point is NOT to tell my own story but to point out that something must be done to take into account our ageing population. This is an issue that government MUST address, or the human crisis will have far-reaching repercussions,

elizabeth schumann, Paris, France

I am a junior doctor in hospital that provides care similar to that described above. Sadly such stories summarize the bulk of my patients' histories. My day is made up of battling the red tape of social work departments and NHS bureaucracy (rather than diseases that I learned about at medical school) as I attempt to fight for my patients rights and for such families. It is exhausting. I am often left baffled and in tears. Why should this gentleman have to use his hard earned savings to fund his care? The painful truth is that had he wasted his life and claimed benefits and not saved the situations of funding his care would have been much easier. Disillusioned with the quality of care I am force to provide I am moving abroad.

Zara, Oxfordshire,

The saddest thing about this story is that nowhere is mentioned the possibility that mum and dad could be looked after by their children. These are your parents: forget the job, the inconvenience to your own life and do what most of the rest of the world do: look after them yourself, or are your jobs too important?

John Cummings, Grantham,

I sincerely empathize with you. Been there, done that. My parents suffered and died within 3 months of each other in 2002, here in the U.S. My observations of the medical system during that long, almost unbearable time left me with nightmares. And I'm part of the system. There's no question the U.S. system is in crisis. Though for what it's worth, I do still believe it to be the best, or one of the best in the world. So sad and frustrating that the "best" is in its present condition. As I read your article, I found myself shaking my head, and nodding up and down in silent agreement with almost every sentence I read. My gut felt hollow again as it did during the many months I dealt with their illnesses and deaths. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

F. Durrer, Alexandria, VA/ USA

Liz Penny has my wholehearted sympathy. The details are different but I emphathise totally with so much of what she says. My sister and I are caring for my mother who has reduced over the last 16 months from an active woman running her own home to a state where she can do nothing for herself. Our problems are compounded by the fact that we live 125 miles apart so I have to leave home and family for days at a time to provide the care she needs. It is an ongoing nightmare for us all with no end in sight. I have always adored my mother but if I dare to say to an outsider that it would be kinder if she could die they clearly think I am callous. You have to have been there to really understand.

Heather Head, Amersham, Bucks