Personally, i don;t consider the prospect "me me me " as a bad thing as long as it doesn't put the baby in any psychological, emotional or physical harm. Of course the baby has the main priority over anything else but we don't need to forget who we were before we had these babies and who we wanted to be afterwards. Personally i have put my daughter in her room when she was 3 weeks old but it is very near to mine so i could hear everything during the night. I worked really hard to establish a routine for her and for me and i feel that we are both happy now. The goverment suggests things and advices, after that every parent knows better what is suitable for her child. As my midwife told me "you have to keep yourself happy so, you can be well to look after the baby". That doesn't mean to neglect the baby but neither to go to the other extreme of cudling the baby all day and night. Still i truly believe that every parent knows better what is best for their babies.

Maria , Truro, uk

Again, it is the comment about 'getting your life back' that sticks in my throat, as if somehow loving your baby unconditionally compromises your life. If anything it furnishes and fulfils your life if, that is, you do not promote this eternally adolescent culture of "me, me, me". Why are these people shunning their instincts so they can go back to work/dinner parties etc.? Surely a human life, especially one so vulnerable, overrides any other activity in importance. If not, hire a nanny or more important, don't have kids. Abandonment on any level causes failure to thrive, resulting in all kinds of problems later on in life. Can they really deal with having that on their conscience???

Eleanor, Wales,

I couldn't personally have had my babies sleeping in a separate room; nor could I have heeded anyone telling me not to cuddle them! However, I don't see why this whole business is creating such a furore. So far as children's development is concerned, putting them in full-time nursery is arguably more damaging to them than putting them to sleep in a separate room - so why is nobody making a fuss about this instead??? Are we so afraid of offending working mothers that we can't say anything? The fact is: a baby who is bottle-fed and cared for by his/her parent(s) will fare better than one who's breast-fed and stuffed in a nursery at three months. And the continuum concept is just as bad as the Truby King method in its own way: having failed to breastfeed my son after the delivery from hell, and having been made to feel guilty for my 'failure', I was reduced to tears by the poor woman who couldn't get her baby to latch on. Why on earth was she allowed to put herself through all that?

Rachel, Leeds,

no one way is the right way, and what we have to remember is that these professionals & organisations (yes NCT included) benefit financially from the publicity - just because the WOrld Health Organisation stated that exclusive breastfeediing in teh first 6 months is best for babies (as they wanted to improve infant mortality in Third World Countries) - all the famous publicised nutrionalists ( i won't mention names) changed their books and weaning plans etc to match teh new guidelines, the baby food industry changed it's labels!!! I raised my first son pre recent changes and the latest bubba since the new directive and frankly I am appalled that I am supposed to go out and buy an updated book because they have changed their minds about what is right for my child! I have 2 bouncy healthy affectionate loving and loved boys (both formula fed - due to breast cancer i couldn't feed - although I am still made to feel guilty), both attend day care and we are all happy and rounded

Sarah, Hertford, herts

If you don't want your life to change, if you want to sleep all night through, don't have a baby.

If you have a baby, expect your life to change, expect to have to wake a little at night (but not much if you have your baby in bed with you and breastfeed without having to wake fully!)

Verity is a menace, her advice is dangerous (goes against the SIDs advice on lone sleeping for infants) makes it impossible to successfully breastfeed and is down right cruel. The NSPCC and Social Services should be having words with her.

I am disgusted that she is giving advice on a subject she clearly hasn't had any education on, and even more horrified that Channel Four have condoned her behaviour by using her as a so-called "expert" on thier show.

New born babies need love, contact and affection, not just to have (formula) milk stuffed into them every four hours and then abandoned whilst Mummy and Daddy "get on with thier lives". This kind of attitude is sickening.

Jenny, Neston, Cheshire

I am appalled that this documentary has been allowed to be made, never mind screened. There is a wealth of scientific literature which has shown definitively that children who are left to scream, having their needs ignored, are damaged neurologically, psychologically and physically. The child may stop screaming and become placid but internally, their cortisol (stress hormone) profile will be deranged, their social brain (prefrontal cortex) will not develop properly, and they will exhibit all the features of “Learned Helplessness” described by Seligman in his experiments with rats. It is child abuse to treat a child this way; the child will be permanently damaged by it. Such ignoring of a baby’s needs would have gone very badly against parents seen in the child protection unit where I once worked. That babies can be allowed to be damaged in this way for popular entertainment is an outrage. I do not understand how the police, social services or the NSPCC have stood for it.

Jessica, London, UK

Dr. Wayne Brake, a University of California neurodevelopment professor and researcher states: 'that whenever babies are deprived of comfort or placed in a chaotic environment, the resulting stress causes the release of cortisol and other hormones, altering metabolism. This affects the growth and development of the baby’s brain. Research suggests that infants who are left alone to cry in the crib have poorer overall health outcomes than babies who are consistently picked up. All parents should think twice before routinely leaving a vulnerable infant with a non-attached person, or leaving it to cry alone in the crib for prolonged periods for "training" purposes. These practices cause permanent changes to the brain’s dopamine and seratonin systems, rendering the person more susceptible to addiction, alcoholism and depression in adulthood. Most parents instinctively know this to be true, but they’ve simply had their parenting instincts smothered over with poor advice' .

Sarah Hosking, Leigh, UK

Perhaps it would be wise for the NSPCC to re-broadcast their "baby X doesn't bother to cry anymore....." ad, preferably during commercial breaks when this programme is on. Surely parents will then make the right choice and realise that Claire Verity's baby regime is actually child cruelty and their actions will affect their babies lives forever.

Jo, Wolverhampton, UK

As a mother stood at a recent baby show with my happy child in a sling talking to other happy mothers I presume I am a heckler who barricaded the room? That comment is nonsense as is the fact it was the NCT. Claire Verity was asked why she goes against DoH and SIDS guidelines by one lady in a polite manner. She was not heckled, yet she called security as she has no way of defending her outdated and damaging methods.
As a nanny she claims to have bedded Mick Jagger with his wife and child in the next room. If you refuse to let a mother hold her child why not sleep with her husband too? Take every bit of love she has?

Mrs K Martin, West Yorkshire,

I was at the baby show where Claire verity asked for security to escort 'hecklers' away. The 'hecklers' were asking her why she goes against Department of Health advice on breastfeeding and where baby sleeps. The question was met with a call to security, rather than any sensible rebuttal of the DoH's information. Says an awful lot about the woman and the methods, I think.

Tracy Oldfield, HOLMFIRTH, UK

At least a heart surgeon HAS a heart.

Lucy, Somerset,

I do not follow any certain regime yet would probably fall nearest to the Continuum method, breastfeeding on demand, wearing baby in a sling at times etc... I can assure you that "hanging on to my baby" has lost me neither my looks, life, partner or well being in fact if anyhting i think my life has improved.

Annais, London,

Claire Verity's comment about heart surgeons says everything about her poor understanding of parents and babies. Heart surgery, no matter how skilled, is a JOB; parenting is a relationship rooted in a profound, lasting and selfless love.

In any case - she's the worst person to be using this argument because I'm sure I remember reading that she herself has no formal qualifications in childcare or breastfeeding support. Poor celebrity babies - someone should start a campaign to protect these vulnerable little people from the likes of Claire Verity.

And she's wrong about how feeding on demand exhausts women and destroys their lives. I've had three children and breastfed them each for well over a year - six months of which I breastfed exclusively. I've also worked, socialised, studied and volunteered at the same time, plus kept a very happy marriage intact, and I know many other women who've done the same.

Wendy Hinds, London,

Charlie to the uninformed feeding on schedule may seem ok, but breastfeeding works by supply and demand. Scheduling feeds can lead to supply problems later. Not to mention the stress baby feels being made to wait and cry. Babies are the best judge of whether they are hungry or not! There is also the issue of dehydration, a problem so prevalent in the US thanks to baby trainers the AAP had to issue a warning against scheduled feeding.
As for that nonsense about losing looks and partner, how on earth is meeting a baby's needs going to do that! Surely a father should be supportive and love his wife even more for doing their best for their baby. If not then he needs to grow up!
What kind of "man" puts his needs before his baby's?
If I see to my son's physiological needs (while I get on with my life) he learns to trust me, that he is worthwhile and can grow up to be confident and secure. Push them away, make them feel like crap, is not best baby.

Tracy, SWF, Essex

I'm sorry, did she say "if you want your life back"? Anybody who truly thinks that their life is going to remain conveniently the same after the birth of their child really ought not to be having one at all until they grow up a bit. Having a child does, and should, change everything. If new parents would allow themselves to enjoy this change rather than desperately holding on to their previous lives, to the detriment of their baby's wellbeing and happiness, they would probably find parenting a lot easier.

There is now so much research that shows that leaving a baby alone and not responding to its needs is damaging to the child's longterm wellbeing and emotional adjustment that this can no longer simply be held as an opinion. It is proven fact. Therefore it seems nothing short of malicious to suggest leaving a baby alone, refusing to feed it when it is hungry, or any of the other ludicrous things this woman advocates. The decision of tv producers to broadcast this is disgusting.

Carolina Bone, Bathgate,

"This from a woman who won’t let mothers cuddle their newborns to sleep. But that, in her view, is the price you have to pay if you want your life back."

And the parents who are intent on getting their 'life back' will be the same ones that see no reason why the shouldn't go out eating and drinking for 4 hrs while their infants lie alone and unattended for long periods of time?

To me being with and enjoying my children is having a life, but then I'm not bothered about maintaining an image.

Alex Ritchie, Salisbury, UK

I suppose we used & still use a watered down version of the continum concept, and we have three happy children. I doubt if there is a right method as all children differ, but I can't see that not going near you baby, and treating like a nusance can be helpful for an infant who doen't know why mum/dad isn't there when they are upset. We've found using a sling rather than leaving your baby in a car seat system seems to be a lot less hassle as they cry a lot less in a sling.

John Carroll, Hertford, UK

My daughter is now 10 months old, before I had her I deliberately avoided all handbooks and have continued to do so. I had lots of advice from friends and family and made the rest up as I went along.
My daughter was gorgeous but liked being close in her first 3 months. As a result she was constantly with me in a sling, she even slept with me for the first 10 weeks! That is something I never imagined I'd do but it meant that we all slept! From 10 weeks she went into her cot and slept through, she has continued to do so.
She is now in nursery since I returned to work as a junior doctor and she seems a very happy baby.
I think that you just do what feels right, and from seeing all the other babies born at around the same time - they are all so different! Some happy left on their own, others needing constant cuddles.
I don't think anyone should feel guilty for not sticking to a manual, you just do what makes you all happy - and gets you the most sleep!

Ele, Oxford,

the best, tracy hoog. She is a guru

juan antonio, barcelona, spain

Solitary Confinement is known to produce mental disease. Very useful for a corporate slave culture. We need these babies to be neurotic and unbalanced. If they weren't there who would keep up with the Jones'? They also read newspapers online obsessively.
I want my Nanny!

Pat Donnelly, Brisbane, Oz

Responding to your baby and loving him without restraint or on a schedule is what we are actually biologically programmed to do . A baby's wants are his needs. Mothers trust your instincts and follow your heart.

barbara, uk, uk

Charlie - the NCT and all the major organisations like the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers and La Leche League are committed to providing parents only with good quality, evidenced based information on breastfeeding, which you'd understand if you knew anything about the actual work they do. In any case they don't say that it's 'vital' for a baby to be fed on demand, only that there's very clear evidence gathered over many years that breastfeeding on demand is less likely to lead to breastfeeding failure and poor weight gain in babies than scheduled feedings. I'd also like to point out that none of these organisations encourage parents to neglect their own social or emotional needs or tell them how they 'should' look after their children. Women have the right to parent their children as they see fit, including those mothers who subscribe to attachment parenting practices, without being judged and criticised by people like you.

Wendy Hinds, London,

I firmly believe that though a baby needs some sense of routine (which realistically cannot be achieved when breastfeeding as it is on demand) if you smother your child then they don’t develop properly or as their own being for that matter… if you leave them to ‘air’ as Verity put it, then they grow up with complexes more rigid than her looks! I think these people for the most part all need to look at the circumference of Freudian, Piaget, Erickson and other developmental psychologist’s teachings! They really do explain a lot though are not all spot on. I further believe that though Dr.Spok isn’t all that marvelous, he’s the closest thing to giving these parents the confidence they need in telling them that as long as they have and do what they believe is in their child’s best interest- they really can’t go wrong… but progress can be a slow process!

Daniela, New York, NY, USA

"Feeding on cue is vital" - how is this scientifically proven? Nonsense, the NCT and the like always forget to state the confounding factors relating to the opinions they state as facts. Hang on to your baby for the first six months of her life and lose your partner, life, looks and well-being, which will ultimately be detrimental to your baby's well-being (this being the most important thing). Proponents of the Continuum Concept in the modern day just find comfort in being judgemental. They're only judgmental because they doubt themselves. As Miranda in Sex and the City wisely said " for some women, having babies just means that women can stop pretending that they care about their careers". Stop judging and think about what's best for your baby. Is hanging onto your baby for the first six months for you, or for him/her?

charlie, manchester, greater manchester

The Children's Project started the blog, Claire, not NCT (tho they may have one too). Truby King was well meaning in his time 100 years ago, when he wanted to help improve infant mortality rates and encourage breastfeeding. It was his ideato have 4 hour feeds.

He (like Claire Verity it seems) knew nothing about how infant brains develop. The best thing about leaving a baby to cry is he or she soon stops. Quiet baby - result. Meanwhile, in the brain, essential pathways that regulate emotions are failing to connect. No noticeable problem in a baby (happy parents), but when the child becomes a problem in school, or later an angry teenager and kills peers, who looks back at what happened in those early days? And what about the mid ground, eating disorders, teenage pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse, spendaholics.

When will the media stop trying to beat kids down and allow them to grow up with their needs met? I wrote to both C4 and Silver River and they flippantly rejected any concern.

Clive Dorman, Richmond, UK

Verity is correct, a heart surgeon does not operate on himself but I can be assured he's done an awful lot of studying and research with regards to his career unline her. He understand the physiology of the heart and treats it accordingly. Far from what Verity does. In fact she appears to advocate the exact opposite. I understand there are different approaches to parenting (I prefer the healthiest choice for mum and child, being responsive and loving. It's the most fun) but I am so angry about this method. It's not a method it's potentially harmful.
I recall the brain scans of Romanian orphans who were hardly held, they had parts actually missing due to the lack of affection and cuddles. Training premature babies to sleep through is going against all the medical advice. Yes babies need to be fed, but touch is vital for brain development, feeding on cue is vital to thrive and have a healthy relationship with food.
It's incredibly selfish to treat a baby in this way.

Tracy, SWF, Essex

"But that, in her view, is the price you have to pay if you want to have your life back".

This sort of statement sickens me. If anybody thinks that their children are not part of their life, and the most important, then they should seriously consider whether they are fit to care for children. Having children is not about 'getting your life back' it is about enjoying your life with them.

Alex Ritchie, Salisbury, UK