Quick tips for bringing up self-disciplined children:

— When with your children, practise empathy. Try to see the world through their eyes. This will help you to understand their feelings and behaviour and grasp the most effective ways of communicating with them so that they listen to you rather than tune you out.

— Catch your children when they are displaying good behaviour. Too often we forget to reinforce positive actions.

— Learn to accept your children for who they are, not what you hoped they would be.

— Engage in solving problems with your children. Even young children can be asked to reflect upon behaviour that is causing them difficulty and consider alternative ways of handling different feelings and situations.

— When ideas come from them, it is more likely that they will experience a sense of ownership for their own behaviour.

— Focus on preventing problems. If your children have difficulty handling certain situations, it may be that they are not ready cognitively or emotionally to engage in these situations or that they need more preparation. Don’t punish children for events that are beyond their ability.

— Help your children to understand that mistakes they make are opportunities for learning. Do not condemn or criticise their mistakes since this may prompt anger or withdrawal. Instead, teach them new skills.

— Stop using disciplinary techniques that don’t work. Your children will not change their behaviour unless you first change yours.

From Raising a Self-Disciplined Child by Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein (McGraw Hill, £9.99). Published on October 15

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