Maybe we are all getting too old. Hunter S. Thompson did the brave thing and removed himself from society when he could stand it no longer. I hope to have the strength to do the same one day . . .

Niklas, South Africa

I also care for my 97-year-old mother. She thinks she is controlled by an imaginary couple for whom she makes cups of tea. I am tired and angry. But this morning she shouted to “them” that she’d only got a few months to live. That pulled me up – I realised the end will really be the end.

Janet Couzens, London

Your reader is deluding herself that her mother does not know how she feels.

What can be worse than having your care administered by unfeeling and unloving hands. Life must be torture for them both. It is not too late for her mother to spend her final days being cherished.

Win Armand Smith, Dorset

Your honesty is like a breath of fresh air.

Peronne, Fakenham, Norfolk

There are alternatives to a home. My sister and I have sorted out a live-in carer from an agency, internet shopping deliveries, a rota of other relatives for weekend visits, sitters, a gardner and cleaners. This has enabled my father, in the severe stages of Alzheimer’s, to remain in his own home.

Barbara, Hampshire

Old and infirm people will suck the life blood out of the younger and able-bodied. We get one chance at life and we owe it to ourselves to get the most out of it.

Karen, Macclesfield

I tell myself that my mother is going in a home or, failing that, I’m selling up and emigrating. She never liked me anyway. Your mother is 98. She isn’t going to last much longer and then you are free. Start thinking about what you will do then.

Thalia, London

How selfish we are. Our parents took care of us; we should take care of them.

Rudy, London

I wonder who will look after the writer when she is in the same situation?

Sarah, Hemel Hempstead

I went through the same for three years with my dad and a stepmother. I loved him, but I ended up broken in body and spirit. I am now old myself, and penniless. Sure I resent it! There has got to be a better way. I will make sure not to do this to my children when I can no longer care for myself.

AAR, US

I would rather be looked after by caring professionals than an embittered martyr.

Carol, UK

Shouldn’t we all have a duty to care for our parents? The UK has some of the most ungrateful children on the globe.

Chris Deal, Cambridge

“This above all: to thine own self be true.” So says Polonius in Shakespeare’s Hamlet – a wonderful yardstick by which to decide whether one is doing the right thing. We are not all carers by nature. And we are not all duty-bound to have our lives wrecked. I write as a reluctant carer.

Sue Hamilton, Sudbury, Suffolk

Poor old girl, please do her a favour and get her into a home. I wonder if she felt the same way when you were a baby throwing up and screaming in the night.

Thalassa, France

As a professional carer in the community, I can sympathise. But this elderly lady would probably appreciate care from someone not so close, and her daughter may come to enjoy passing on some of the more unpleasant tasks involved.

Sue Sexton, King’s Lynn, Norfolk

You are saving the NHS thousands of pounds by caring for your mother at home. Would it be so bad if she went into residential care for a month or so to give you some time for yourself?

Jan, Leeds

Sometimes I think it’s not a bad thing to be a smoker, knowing I’ll probably go earlier so my two boys won’t be faced with this.

Elizabeth Philips, Halifax

I cared for my mother for nearly five years. Start with social services or district nurses and ask about respite care and daycare. If you can get at least some of your life back, the resentment should reduce. I got constant plaudits, by no means deserved – people don’t expect a son to take this on. Give yourself a daily break. I used to spend an hour in the pub when she was asleep.

Paul, Clapham, London SW4

To submit your own family secret, e-mail familysecrets@thetimes.co.uk or write to us at Family Secrets, times2, The Times, 1 Pennington Street E98 1TT

Times recommends

• How I lost the gift of joy for a while
• How to get Coleen Rooney's post-baby body
• The A-Z of winter style rules