Dear PP, My five-year-old daughter doesn’t like her new swimming teacher. Every week she makes excuses for not going (she doesn’t feel well, etc). One week she even vomited in the changing room. Am I right still to make her go every week?

Learning to swim should be fun. Cold water, excessive noise and splashing can be unnerving. Take your daughter out of these classes. Play swimming games in the bath, eg, blowing bubbles underwater, how long can she hold her breath under water etc. If she enjoys that, find a warm swimming pool and go in with her. Play floating games such as lying on her back like a starfish with you holding her head. Once her confidence is regained, swimming lessons will be something she wants to do. And remember how little five-year-olds are! There is plenty of time ahead for her to learn to swim.
— Rosemary

Your child is telling you that something is seriously amiss in her relationship with her new swimming teacher. Learning to swim should be pleasurable. Would you stay with a teacher who made you feel that bad?
— Marj

Give her a break; she’s only 5, and probably got enough on her plate coping with school. Try and find out what the problem is with the teacher but don’t force her into a situation that distresses her so much. There will be plenty of time later for her to learn, but if you persist now she is unlikely to learn and she could be put off for life.
— Jo Bridgnorth

What kind of mother are you that you can watch your child being sick in the changing room and still insist she should continue with her swimming lessons? Stop the lessons now and don’t try again for several years. Of course it is important that all children learn to swim, but her life isn’t going to be blighted by not being able to swim at the age of 5.
— Belinda

Some years ago my son in primary school came to me and said his class didn’t like their new teacher. I told him that he was there to learn and she was there to teach, and if that was happening that was fine. I said that he was going to meet many people over time and inevitably not all would be liked. Later he said that the class had come to like the teacher. My son was a little older than 5 but this approach may work, particularly if parent and teacher are in cahoots (they should be anyway).
— Brian

Your daughter is showing symptoms of anxiety and stress. It is important that she learns to swim but at her own pace. There is no need to put a five-year-old into a situation where she obviously feels inadequate and fearful. Why not take her to the pool yourself and allow her to build her confidence slowly. It is important that you listen to her and allow her to opt out without making an issue out of it. By doing this and making swimming fun she will probably want to join in with swimming lessons at a later date. Life shouldn’t be pressurised and competitive at 5.
— Chris

Next week’s question: My stepson is extraordinarily competitive and has to win and be right about everything. This infuriates my own children (they share every other weekend and one night a week with him). It especially enrages them when he pulls out of games or races the second he starts losing. Increasingly they are treating him with disdain. What should I do? E-mail your responses and problems as a parent or child to problemparent@thetimes.co.uk

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