Mummy, why is granny so wrinkly?

Maya, 7

Questions like this can make us feel uncomfortable: is pointing out granny's sagging skin mere childlike curiosity or is something more negative lurking; are they reflecting our own hidden distaste and fear, or even their own?

Possibly all three, so a lot of ground to cover, then, in a simple query. First, the simple facts: “Granny is wrinkly because of cell loss. You could say that our cells, which make us what we are, reproduce themselves for a certain amount of time and then they die,” explains Professor Ian Stuart-Hamilton, who specialises in the psychology of ageing. “So the less elastic and the more thin the skin becomes.” You could then do the skin-age test with them. “Pinch a pyramid on the back of your hand and let go. When granny does it, you could go away and make a cup of tea and it will still be working its way back,” says Stuart-Hamilton. When your child does it, it will spring down enviably quickly.

This leads us to how we feel about ageing. Stuart-Hamilton believes it's crucial to challenge any early signs of ageism. “It's one of the dumbest prejudices anyone can have since you'll inevitably end up being the thing you despise.” So you could discuss how children “age”. “Explain that everyone changes as they get older,” says Dr Jane Prince, a psychologist specialising in identity changes over a life span. “You could say, ‘Well, look at the way you've developed in the past seven years, how you've grown hair and your face is a different shape; you could look at their baby pictures and photos of when their mum and dad were younger to show that we're all going through a similar process.”

If you feel your child is anxious about ageing, you can reassure him or her that contrary to all those gloomy dementia statistics, there is no evidence, according to Stuart-Hamilton, that old age is all that bad for you. “A study in the 1980s compared young and old chess players. The young were quicker, but when young and old were matched on handicap, the older ones drew on that extra experience to compensate for loss of raw processing power.”

So, you can tell Maya that you may lose a bit of wit but you gain a lot of wisdom. Or you could always quote the late Miles Kington, the author and dramatist. “Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.”

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