My dear your were very lucky to have been estranged from your mother. I had to live with one like yours remembering me every day what a delusion and failure I was (of course it was her opinion). The reason of it? She was not loved by her own mother and I had to pay for it.

Marina, Roma,

Even I had a bad mother I had a daughter with whom I have a very special relationship. I knew that I could never do what she did to me. Sometimes I go to a psychologist to be sure that I'm doing well. Sons and daughters are like a thorn in the flesh and every mother should have the strenght to be it

Anna, Roma, Italy

I recognise my mother in this sad story. She died last year aged 89 and made everything a misery but was upset if not included . She set everyone against each other with her lies and left a horrendous Will treating everyone unfairly and spoiling her favourite grandson. Dad would have been devestated

J K W .uk, storrington, sussex

This story which I just read by coincidence is a real eye opener to the relationship between my mother, myself and my two brothers. Harry many thanks for suggesting the book, it will certainly help to understand, and overcome my own fear of having children.

cynthia, Manchester, UK

Another book that illustrates the fearsome dangers of sexualised parent/child relationships (and a really good, if depressing, read) - Savage Grace: The True Story of a Doomed Family by Steven M. L. Aronson & Natalie Robins.

David, Stone, UK

It is obviously that many people have suffered terribly from this and to date in silence – probably with guilt and shame. Is it possible for a journalist to take up this story and give it the coverage it deserves? That is to liberate those who have not had the opportunity to read this very good article and comments? (By the way, it is equally men and women who act thus)

Dr Hugh Phillips , Boucherville Quebec, Canada

felt sad reading this as my mother has same problems and it warped her life and relationships. She was very destructive and in competition with me all her life; but not with my brothers although she neglected them too. She hurt me deeply but i always forgave her as I saw she was sick and in need.

lara, Oxford, England

Reading this article and the comments, I realize there are many bad mothers out there. I used to think every daughter who had a bad relationship with their mother kept it quiet. I talked about mine but this is the first time I've read a starkly honest account of another. I am glad she wrote this.

Jennie, SC, USA

Ms Pascal says her mother was divisive, narcissistic & intensely sexual, but she never says why. Why? Did her own parents abuse her? There's not enough history here. I had a grandmother who hated sexuality, she had 1 daut who was promiscuous, 3 who hated sex & sexuality. Why? I ask why?

Jennie, SC, USA

Thanks, Harry from Toronto, I just got the book from Amazon! Describes my mother exactly!

Hellen, NY,

I had the same type of mother. Her "mothering" had a very adverse affect on the way I related to my two children and I was forced to give them up when they were small. I have only recently got onto relatively good terms with my daughter but my son and I have virtually no realtionship at all. So sad.

Pat, Berlin,

It's gd that you have managed to cut yourself off. My father had a similar personality disorder, which had its roots in an abused childhood, and led to various patterns of controlling behaviour. Sometimes it is just not possible to have a working relationship with this type of parent.

emmy rand, london, uk

Thank you so very much for raising this issue. It is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Narcissistic co-dependency. It is a very vicious and destructive disorder. It destroys other people’s lives without any sense of feeling or even consciousness. In fact they often adopt moral superiority.

Dr Hugh Phillips , Boucherville Quebec, Canada

Being a doctor's wife was obviously the career of choice brainwashed into Manchester High School girls. My mother, born in 1913 and educated at the same school with a similar lack of univerisity option made the same disastrous mistake!

Judith, London/New York,

Your story has shocking similarities to the relationship between my own mother and grandmother. But I am proud to tell you that my mother and I have a loving relationship. She is a rock in my life and I never doubted her love, despite my grandmother's sad attempts to divide us.

Patricia, London,

My mother spent all her life criticising everything I did, while praising my brother to the skies. She was cold and selfish towards me, but would do anything for him. But I was lucky; I escaped, but he has been irredeemably damaged by her and has never been able to form close relationships.

Marie, Paris, France

There are echoes in this story that remind me of the emotional blackmail & manipulation that is my mother's signature. With one daughter myself, now 17,my mother has tried to drive a stake between us, writing her letters before she goes to university interviews that undermine her confidence in me...

RMB, Salisbury, United Kingdom

For those of us who have a parent with a personality disorder such as borderline or narcissistic and/or bi polar this is a very common tale or extreme sadness and alienation. Growing up with a parent who is self involved is no parent at all therefore we grow up feeling invisible and abandoned.

Chris, Cape Town,

This great book may help you make sense of it all: Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson

Harry, Toronto,

I suspect she was bipolar or had borderline personality disorder. She was also probably sexually molested as a child. Poor woman. Good job for you to recover and stay away.

Sydney Solis, Boulder, Colorado, USA

It's lucky for you you didn't listen to people who told you to make it up with your mother, resume contact with her, forgive her, whatever.
If they haven't gone through what you have gone through, they can't understand.

Carol, Paris,

One horrifying aspect of this story that wasn't mentioned explicitely: her brother David was probably just as damaged, if not more so, by their mother's actions than she herself was.

Michael, Pueblo, Colorado, US

How sad. I have been estranged from my mother for over 10 years, but historically she has displayed a pattern of this behaviour with her siblings and my brother. Luckily it did not stop me having a loving relationship with my two beautiful daughters (whom she has never met, and is unlikely to)

A.M., Sydney, Australia

How did the brother turn out ? This lady might have had a rough time, but the brother was living in a far more unhealthy bondage ? I hope he's managing.

p, london,

Thanks for the direct and honest defense of motherless daughters like myself.

stacy , Ontario, Canada