“I don't want my son to grow up feeling that he's owed things,” says Doug Pecarski. “So why should I let other people's children knock on the door and say give me your stuff'? I don't mind friends popping over, unannounced, but when it's someone who wants something from you, it's not pleasant.” For him, as for many others, Hallowe'en has become an event that legitimises behaviour that would not be countenanced at any other time of the year.

Emma Griffiths, a mother of four children aged between 8 and 14, agrees: “I think that knocking on doors and saying give us some sweets' is very rude.” At least it's rudeness with heritage. Despite widespread disdain for Hallowe'en trick or treating as a brash American import, the nation's children have enjoyed seasonal scrounging since the 1800s, when they marked All Souls' Day by begging for cakes.

Hallowe'en often coincides with half-term, and concerned middle-class parents can find themselves working out what worries them more: senior citizens being mugged on their doorsteps by knife-wielding trick-or-treat hooligans, or little old ladies getting their own back by doling out slabs of chocolate spiked with razor blades.

However, there are still pockets of the country where parents can relax and children enjoy levels of freedom that the angst-ridden suburbs can only dream of. In one Staffordshire village, children aged from 9 or 10 upwards go trick or treating unaccompanied and older residents welcome their arrival. “There's no fear factor,” says Deborah Poole, a mother of three, who moved there last year.

Nationally, the mood is very different. Many elderly people and the unnerved switch off the lights at the front in the hope of dissuading potential invaders and stick “no trick or treating here” posters on their windows. In Lambeth, South London, the fears are such that the council has put a full page “no trick or treating” poster in its magazine for worried local people. And according to a Mori survey, three quarters of adults would back a legally enforceable curfew for teenagers, and not just on Hallowe'en.

Are our fears getting the better of us?

No wonder Hallowe'en is one tradition that many parents would be happy to consign to oblivion. But, naturally enough, we tend to overestimate the dangers our children face. Joel Best, an American sociologist, followed up every report about spiked Hallowe'en treats in the US dating back to 1959. No child, he reported in 2002, had died or been seriously injured. The same appears to be true in the UK. The Metropolitan Police Force, for example, says that there are no records of any major incident involving a child at Hallowe'en.

Some experts believe that our fears could be blinding us to the social benefits. They say that children can gain from Hallowe'en as they learn to confront real-life gremlins and work out how to behave when they don't get what they want. It's something many find hard to do. “Some children haven't learnt how to deal with rejection or disappointment,” says Dr Simon Moore, an academic leader in psychology at the London Metropolitan University. “Hallowe'en could be the first time they've encountered that situation.”

It's a growing trend and one that turns trick or treating into a valuable exercise in compromise as children learn to cope with the householder who dishes out an apple instead of the expected sweets.

Tellingly, Dr Moore suspects that some of the parents who shadow their trick-or-treating children are there not just to guard against stranger danger but because of their own worries about their child's behaviour. “If parents haven't allowed their children to explore what it is not to get a nice response or not to win, who knows what response the child will give? Parents are thinking, ‘Oh no, my little one is going to cause a scene because they've only got two sweets left'. And are parents going to be faced with someone marching down the road saying, ‘your daughter or son has just put a brick through my window'?”

But older children, aged 8, 9, or upwards, demand more freedom and it's something that we should be prepared to give them. “Hallowe'en offers the opportunity to experience independence that children don't get in their lifestyles today,” says Pam Walsh, the head of the pre-preparatory department of Newland House School, Twickenham, southwest London. “It teaches them to respect adults and that they can't have everything. And they can cope with that as long as parents provide them with the right social tools.”

What parents should avoid is passing on their own fears. “It's a matter of how the parents impart information,” says Dr Dorothy Rowe, a psychologist and author. “If they do it in a context of ‘difficulties can arise in the world; you need to be aware of this and behave bravely and sensibly', that's how the child will receive the message.”

What parents can do on the night

What's the best way of managing this learning experience? Some parents band together, acting as marshalls, while their children follow a pre-arranged route. Alternatively, Dr Moore suggests putting an older child in charge of a group. It can be a subtle way of reinforcing parental authority when younger children see that the person they aspire to be says the same things as the parents they routinely ignore, he says.

There can be more tangible benefits for the older child, too. “I let my 11-year-old son go out with a group of his friends and take my seven-year old daughter with them, dressed as a fairy,” says Emma Griffiths, a mother of four. “He wasn't just being kind. She was the trophy. He'd worked out that if they got her to knock at the doors and say ‘trick or treat,' they'd do much better - and they did.”

“There's got to be some trust,” saysDr Moore. “Children need to learn that if they do things well under the guidance of your rule system, you will start to unravel the leash a little bit more.” Some parents will take more convincing. “The rate for child abduction may be no higher than it was a generation ago, but I don't want to be that unlucky parent,” says one mother. “You do everything you can to moderate the risk.” When it comes to fostering a sense of independence, another parent has different plans. “We take them to Centre Parcs to do that,” she says.

Hallowe'en do's and don'ts:

Do trust your judgment. Some children will be ready for more independent trick or treating at 9 or even earlier; some later. Some organisations suggest 8 as the minimum age for more independent trick or treating. Only you can tell when the time is right because you know your child better than anyone else.

Reinforce road safety essentials. Check that children understand basic road safety: the best places to walk and cross roads.

Do team up with other parents. It means that you can plan levels of supervision that you feel comfortable with. DO Emphasise the importance of good manners.

Do make sure that children are well equipped, with watches and mobile phones. Get them to wear a light-coloured piece of clothing so that they are visible to traffic.

Do warn the neighbours. Try delivering stickers to them a week before Hallowe'en, suggests Jane Manson, the director of The Children's Party Directory. Ask them to display the stickers if they are happy to have Hallowe'en visitors.

Don't make groups too big. They can be intimidating so try to include different age groups.

Don't overdo the caution. “Children must be careful and wary of strangers when they're out,” says Dr Simon Moore, but he also cautions against instilling the fear that everyone other than our immediate family is some kind of monster.

Scary numbers:

99%

of pumpkins marketed domestically are used as lanterns at Hallowe'en

£4m

will be spent on Hallowe'en confectionery this year in the UK

72%

growth in Hallowe'en goods between 2006 and 2008

37sec

the record for the fastest pumpkin carving in the world

£120m

was spent on Hallowe'en in 2007

80,000

pumpkins have already been sold this year at Asda

Sources: BBC, Mintel, Asda

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