THE ECO RAVER

Idea of luxury is Communal living for good-looking people on a never-ending trust fund.

Currently lives in Gloucestershire — Jago has just inherited a stately and has given her the dowager’s cottage on the estate.

Will be spending Christmas Throwing a boutique festival in Jago’s walled garden. Since she came back from Goa, she finds family gatherings really, like, oppressive. This year, she’ll watch the sun come up over the Cotswolds, with mates, MDMA and Minxie, her donkey. Also she’s, like, a Buddhist, so Christmas doesn’t really count.

On Christmas Day The boys who run the wood workshop down the road are coming to set up a sound system in the barn, and Hugo and Jens are flying in from Goa to DJ. She has organised an organic hog roast (with veggie option) and invited Mutley, Spoon and Tishy — her new mates from the Glade festival.

For decorations She has dug out her old UV drapes and hung them in the kitchen. And put the donkey in the hall.

She’ll get Drugs and DJs.

What she’d really like A new bell tent (hers got trashed at the Secret Garden Party). And a marriage proposal from Jago.

THE SMUG TORIES

Idea of luxury is Boutique-bought cashmere and a carbon-neutral heli-skiing trip.

Will be spending Christmas At their newly revamped, solar-powered home in north Kensington (read: Notting Hill).

Preparations involve A lot of time — you never know, Dave and Sam might pop round for kitchen supper. Wild at Heart has made a lovely wreath for the door, and she has bought some special decorations made by the local community at the Portobello Panto (apparently Lily Allen designed them). Berry Bros has delivered some cracking Chablis and there are organic mince pies on standby, in case anyone drops in for an impromptu “Breakdown Britain” brainstorm.

She will be wearing 3.1 Phillip Lim (did you see Sam at conference?). Although, since the entry of Michelle, she’s tempted to invest in a bit of Narciso.

He will be wearing Carefully styled (by her) Savile Row and Converse.

For Christmas brunch They’ll be hosting the local celebrity chef, her trainer from Pilates, her parents, the new Swedish neighbours and (fingers crossed) George and Frances Osborne — he has to do Dimbleby first, but may swing by later.

When drunk, he’s most likely to Let slip he’s a member of the Turf Club.

She’s most likely to Usher her dad next door to watch the Queen’s Speech in secret (nobody likes to admit to elitism these days).

She’ll give Hummingbird Bakery cupcakes to the neighbours and “vintage” toys from Conran to the godchildren.

He’ll get A subscription to Ecologist magazine and a Loro Piana quadruple-ply hoodie.

But he really wants His boyfriend.

THE LOADED DIVORCEE

Idea of luxury is Four hours on Bond Street with a chauffeur and her company Amex.

Will be spending Christmas Abroad. Her husband left with the kids after he caught her in flagrante with her Italian supplier, so she’s off to the Maldives for some me-time — running a business is soooo stressful, and she hasn’t focused on herself for at least three days.

For Christmas Day She considered checking into Claridge’s, but when her hairdresser, Andre, told her about Soneva Fushi, and his own availability, she jumped at it. After all, he does do a mean shiatsu. Joining them is her psychic, Morag, who has never “met” Jesus and so doesn’t do Christmas, either. They’re going to celebrate with sun, Cristal and E! Hollywood True Stories.

She will wear Balmain for dinner, Melissa Odabash poolside.

She’ll be thinking Thank God I don’t have Morag’s ankles.

She’ll give Presents couriered over from Cricket: Mulberry mini Mabels for her girls and Cavalli loungewear for her mum. She treated herself to Balenciaga’s new cruise collection and a Power Plate.

She’d like to get One from Andre.

THE CONSCIENTIOUS CONSUMER

Idea of luxury is Time with a loved one. And knowledge.

Live in West Wittering. So glad they left Fulham behind this summer.

Christmas will be About others.

For Christmas lunch, they will have Lots of family and Kathy’s new friends from the WI. It’ll be a carbon-neutral meal of home-grown butternut squash, carrot sausages and a peace pudding (Susan from the WI’s speciality).

Christmas festivities A tree made up from patterns found in Sheherazade Goldsmith’s Christmas book and personalised, home-baked gifts for all house guests.

She will be giving Baby-sitting vouchers (for her time) to her new friends; a course in How to Listen at the School of Life to her husband.

She will be getting A soya candle from The Make Lounge from the kids.

What she really wants The new Fendi baby-goat bag.

He will be giving Driving lessons (with him as teacher) to his godchildren; a video of their latest child’s birth set to music to his wife; make-your-own wormery kits to the kids.

What he really wants A mistress

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