Before I broke my back (and before I became a father), many of my notions of fatherhood involved being tall and active. Broad shoulders offered as a resting place on long walks, coming to the rescue on the climbing frame, straddling streams to lift those with little legs over, kick-abouts in the park, all these obvious physical attributes associated with fatherhood contributed to my sense of what the future held for me. And I must confess, I relished the prospect. At 6ft 2, I often played the role of climbing frame to my friends’ children.

Then I became a father, but not before I had become paraplegic, and while holding Rosalie as a baby I began the process of mourning the loss of my “big dad” role.

In truth, my lap works well as a resting place for a tired toddler,and it has taken Rosalie nearly four years to get stuck on a climbing frame at a height I cannot reach (on this occasion I was with a friend so it was no big deal to have her rescued). Living in Hackney, East London, streams are relatively few and far between, and often have shopping trolleys in them to assist anyone who should want to cross.

I have found a technique that enables me to hold her upside-down over one shoulder, so the rough and tumble seems to be working out OK, and while football is obviously out of the question, I can still throw a mean Frisbee. Also, I play a lot of tennis, and once she is a bit older, this is something we’ll be able to do together.

While all of this has been helpful in rebuilding my “inner dad”, the real triumph came this week. We had friends visiting and while we were catching up over a cup of tea, Rosalie came in to ask me to reattach the hair on a Playmobil figure. Once I had fulfilled her request, she turned to our friends and said: “I love my dad. He can fix things. And he makes everything out of cardboard. It’s amazing!”

It’s all true. Our house is littered with the evidence. At the moment we are living with two cars (one for her, one for her teddy), a boat, a farm and, thanks to the packaging of new flat-pack wardrobe, we have a playhouse big enough for us both to fit in.

But it was only through her proud declaration that I discovered, lurking in my subconscious, that I have another image of fatherhood. One that I am still capable of living up to.

www.timrushby-smith.com

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