It is one of the first choices that you have to make for your children and they will live with your decision for the rest of their days. No wonder parents agonise over what names to give their babies. We are so market-aware these days that choosing a child’s name can feel like creating a Unique Selling Point. It speaks volumes, not only about your tastes but about your hopes for your child’s future. Even after you have settled on a name, the anxiety isn’t over. When the Office for National Statistics (ONS) today announces its annual roll-call of the most popular names of 2008 in England and Wales, parents will be desperate to discover how many other Alfies will be at their son’s nursery.

One of the big issues is whether to opt for a poncey name or play safe with one from the ONS Top 100. Jack, which crept into the Top 50 only in 1984, has hogged the No 1 spot since 1994, with Thomas and Joshua close behind. Hayden, which made the Top 100 only in 2004, moved up to 32nd place last year. Emily is a sitting tenant in the top five for girls, but it was the newcomer Grace that bagged the 2007 top spot, followed by Ruby. Evie climbed 46 places in five years to 15th place last year and Leona tripled in popularity, perhaps after The X Factor winner Leona Lewis. Margaret and John were popular in the first half of the 20th century but last year they didn’t make it into the Top 50.

For many women, it’s when they begin thinking seriously about a name that pregnancy starts to feel real. But with all those hormones racing around it is easy to lose the plot. What about Pear? Willy? Rain?

On Mumsnet, the parenting website, “baby names” is the most popular search term by far on a site that attracts around 20,000 posts a day. Much of the discussion involves mothers tentatively testing the water before going public. Recent inquiries include: “Can I call my son Arthur if his sister is called Martha?” and “Is it cruel to call a child Teddy?” “We’re hippies at heart, and I regret choosing such a ‘normal’ name for my first son Ethan — help, please, for my second son!” And some of the most heated debates arise from mothers lashing out at Farquhars while defending their own Doras (“Most likely to be an interior designer who shops at organic farmers markets”).

Such is the confusion that Mumsnet has come up with a name-finder that allows you to key in details about the adult that you hope your foetus will grow up to be: his job (cabbie/personal trainer/tax inspector); where he will shop for clothes (Paul Smith/Primark/Boden); where she will shop for food (Waitrose/Aldi/Greggs); even her favourite biscuit (Chocolate HobNobs/Fig Rolls/Fox’s Party Rings). If you imagine your son as a purchasing manager, dressing in M&S, shopping at Tesco, and tucking into Rich Tea, then call him Christopher or Duncan. If you are hoping for a daughter who is a dental hygienist, wears Next, shops in M&S and favours Choco Leibniz biscuits, look no further than Nicola, Abigail, Helen or Ruby. Do you see a future Prime Minister who shops at Paul Smith and dunks Duchy Originals into Lapsang Souchong? Opt for Hugo.

The computer programme is based on the answers provided by Mumsnetters to an array of questions. If you don’t like the assessment, as distilled from the views of the often brutally frank bloggers, you can start the battle to shift its perception by registering your opinion that Aran is destined to become a High Court judge. There are lists of the “most loved”, “least popular”, and “most irksome” names. It’s the kind of honesty that you are unlikely to get from your best friend — or even mother-in-law. I discovered to my dismay that my son Angus is destined to become an estate agent, albeit one lucky enough to shop at Paul Smith and buy his groceries at M&S. At 6, he already has a taste for Choco Leibniz so that has proved true. Meanwhile, on the talkboard, a last-minute inquiry pops up. “After much consideration, I was completely settled on Nancy. However, after those awful American kidnapping lunatics [Phillip and Nancy Garrido], it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Would this put you off or am I just being hormonal?” Having a daughter called Nancy, I read on. One Mumsnet poster writes the name off, along with Myra and Rosemary, but the majority encourage her to “go for it!”

One Mumsnet blogger sums it up when she says: “Think about what your child’s name will sound like when called loudly across a park: ‘Cardamom! Stop hitting Flavian!’; ‘Cyrus. Put down that brick!’ If it makes you cringe or worry what other people think, then maybe have a rethink.”

www.mumsnet.com/baby-name-finder

Pregnancy: The Mumsnet Guide by Morag Preston is published by Bloomsbury at £12.99. To order it for £11.69 inc p&p call 0845 2712134 or go to timesonline.co.uk/booksfirst.

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