Claire and Eddie Fox were approved four years ago for one of the early concurrent planning adoptions run by Coram. They recall that one of the most difficult experiences was organising the contact with the birth mother while trying to settle the three-month-old boy into their home.

“We had contact once a week for two hours, which I know is not a lot compared to some arrangements. Even so, getting him ready and driving across London for two hours seemed an enormous undertaking. We could manage it because we both work freelance, but I can see how for many couples it could be very tricky,” Mrs Fox said.

“His birth mother was in prison so visits were not easy. She was not allowed to get up off her chair and her hands had to be visible the whole time because of rules on drug trafficking, so that was difficult when he became unsettled and needed to be moved around.

"I was not allowed to bring in nappies to the visiting room, so if he needed changing that was the end of the visit, by the time I got out of the room, changed him, was searched and allowed back in. But despite all that she was just great with him, very comfortable and knowing what to do. She had other children. And we got on really well. She was feisty and funny. She had a great sense of humour.”

After seven months a decision was taken that the birth mother would not be in a position to care for her child and a final visit was arranged. Mrs Fox remembers it as a harrowing experience.

“I was trying to stay in the background. But he started to get tired and sought me out. His birth mother said, ‘He’s saying Mummy but he’s not saying it to me’. It was very upsetting for her, but I think in a way she was giving me permission to be his mother, acknowledging what was going to happen, and that was very important for me.”

Her son is 4 now and thriving. “We see his maternal grandfather and siblings once or twice a year. I hear about how his mother is doing and it’s pretty clear she could not have made this work. She is back in prison, sadly. Looking back it was very stressful, taking a small baby across London. And there was always the underlying layer of anxiety that something would happen and we would not get to adopt him in the end. But overall it has been wonderful. And he is getting more wonderful all the time”

Times recommends

• Think yourself slim with our hypnodiet podcast
• Why British children are pushed too hard
• So, what really makes you happy?