Stella Dimitroff, 6
My mum is perfect. Kind of. When I go to bed she gives me lots of hugs and kisses and she’s really kind to me. She lets me have lots of treats. Sometimes she lets me watch films upstairs in my brother Bruno’s room and eat popcorn and hot chocolate. Sometimes we only get the popcorn because we spill the hot chocolate. Sometimes when she doesn’t be nice to me she’s not perfect, but most of the time she is.

Sebastian Dimitroff, 11
A perfect mother lets you have sweets every week. She lets you have sleepovers, which mine sometimes does. She has good smiles. She gives you pocket money. I know some mothers that don’t give pocket money. She cooks lovely meals. She lets you see your friends. She kisses you goodnight. She takes you out to places like restaurants. She takes you on holiday. She has a good sense of humour.

If there is one reason why she’s not perfect it is because she argues a lot. You have to be patient. She is not always.

I would love to have a pet but my mum won’t allow it. She has to help with your homework. My mum doesn’t really do that. And she doesn’t really give us a lot of time to watch telly.

My mum is very good at Hallowe’en. But she always has the same costume. She is always Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Justine Roberts, 42, founder of Mumsnet
My mother worked and raised three kids with the minimum of fuss and I always thought of her as somebody to be proud of, even though I vividly remember being the last person to be picked up from ballet. I always saw my mother as an excellent role model.

Good mothers are the ones who know they are the grown-ups in the relationship. My mum made the minimum of drama about her own life and we didn’t feel we had to parent her. Mums who are a pain in the bum are the ones who want their kids to give them advice.

I remember being very keen to get my mother’s approval, partly because it was quite hard to get. If I came second she was usually pretty interested in who came first. She said she was wary of us becoming big-headed. I think that’s a generational thing and the complete opposite of the way we parent today, where children are used to unconditional praise. But I certainly don’t get easily knocked back.

You resort to your own parents’ approach in times of stress but I try to be a little bit more positive.

Looking for perfection can only come back to haunt you. If you are looking for perfection in your children they will be looking for perfection from their mother. We do well to remember that we can only be good enough and that children can only be good enough.

Pinky Lilani, 54, food writer and founder of the Asian Women of Achievement Awards
I grew up in Calcutta and moved to England in 1978. After my father died my mother moved in 2006 to America to live with my brother. I talk to her every day. She knows everything that I am doing.

She was 80 last year and is just phenomenal. When we were growing up I never heard her raise her voice. Very calm, very gentle. She would always tell me when I was being over the top. She was always trying to slow me down but I just carried on regardless.

She is a very good judge of character and would always say if she didn’t think someone was what they appeared to be. But she would never tell us what to do. She never commanded us to do anything. She didn’t interfere. I think I give much more advice to my children.

She was not critical as a person. That’s the key to having great influence. I have dedicated my new book to her.

Pamela Hilleard, 68
I had an extraordinarily problematic childhood. My parents had twins before me and one of them was electrocuted in an accident. I was named after the dead girl and was a replacement twin. I felt all of my life that I didn’t quite measure up to what my parents wanted.

My mother died nearly two years ago and only since then have I become entirely me as a person. They didn’t approve of me becoming a journalist and they didn’t approve of my husband. My father was a terrible disciplinarian and my mother used to make the threat: “Wait till your father gets home.”

Even now, at 68, I feel that I would have loved my parents to have approved of me. How ridiculous is that? All my life I wanted their love and approval and I don’t think I ever got either.

I didn’t want to have children but my husband said “You will regret it”. I too had twins, which led to huge jealousy from my parents. I didn’t feel I could let them be in my parents’ charge. Totally irrational, but I think I felt that one of them might have an accident.

I was a lousy mother because I had had no proper instruction in good mothering and no proper role model. I had a full-time job as a fashion editor and employed a live-in nanny. I saw my children for the minimum amount of time — Saturday afternoons. I was really dreadful. My husband was mother and father to them.

The perfect mother for me would have loved me unconditionally. I did love my children but I had a very poor way of showing it. I adore my grandchildren.

My grandson calls me “Mad Grandma” because I am so determined that he’s going to love me to bits.

Matthew Bolton, 26, community organiser
No one is perfect and there comes a point in your late teens when you realise that they are only human. But I am lucky to have a near-perfect mother. My parents divorced when I was 5. I lived with my mum and she put great effort into making sure that the divorce didn’t affect my relationship with her or my dad too badly.

She is compassionate and generous and courageous. She had a liberal approach with some boundaries. As a teenager I was very independent and would sometimes go walkabout and not see her for a week. But I was very much supported and if anything went wrong there was always a safe place to return to.

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