I used to think that it was just me who'd given up on the whole glamorous, still lightly-racy, Marilyn Monroe-esque idea of sleeping naked. But no.

Jennifer Aniston sleeps in crisp, freshly laundered shirts. She would. But it got me thinking. If a girl on the pull wears big comfy shirts, albeit ones with vast amounts of starch in them, then who exactly, apart from the little one in Desperate Housewives, is wearing sexy, boudoir stuff? A scientific poll of the fashion department reveals the following sleepwear prerequisites: Primark pyjamas, Brora cashmere socks and polo-necks. It's not that we don't love the idea of slipping into something frothy, silly and insubstantial, but sadly for our long-term partners, we love the idea of being warm and toasty even more. Who said romance is dead?

But just because the combined circulation of The Times fashion department is more sluggish than the contraflow on the Hanger Lane gyratory system, it doesn't mean that we or anyone else should settle into slovenly habits.

It's perfectly possible to be both warm and stylish, while transmitting vaguely sexually accessible messages should the opportunity arise. The aim, I think, is to look fresh and wholesome rather than primped and contrived and somehow, sleeping in what looks like your partner's sleeping togs always seems to convey this. The problem with this approach is that often men's pyjamas are huge and shapeless, and the fastenings, without dwelling, are inappropriate. Enter Derek Rose, which very sensibly does men's pyjamas for women (from £84.99, 0845 6020745). They're the kind you can wear down to breakfast with friends without shame the non-negotiable benchmark for all sleepwear choices, in my view.

A destination for lovely items that pass the is-it-warm test is Essenziale (13 Grafton Street, London W1), which stocks various ranges, including little cardigans, cashmere and brushed cottons the kind of pieces you could open the door to the paparazzi in without having a Cherie Blair moment.

Another excellent source of nighties if they're your thing is Bodas, whose cotton sleepwear is beautifully soft on purchase, feels even better once it¹s worn and also comes in pyjama form, from £20 (0870 330411).

Cameron Diaz shares my passion for Bodas, but she doesn't know about their sale on St Christopher's Place, W1. C&C California does great cotton T-shirts from £40 (020-7352 2400), which look cute in bed and around the house on a sleepy Sunday, with shorts. James Perse is a newish range for cotton grandad shirts and T-shirts (from £35) that work brilliantly for layering (from Harvey Nichols, 020-7235 5000). Here at The Times we're also all rather partial to Princesse Tam-Tam's soft cotton cardigans, camisoles and pyjama bottoms, from £34, £24 and £32 (www.figleaves.com). And for the ultimate luxury, a cashmere ankle-length cardigan-dressing gown from Bamford is about as sleek as it gets. And pricey, from £695 (020-8944 7806).

The classic marker of change is hair. You move in with the boyfriend/divorce/go to live in a commune/chuck in your job and then hit the salon. Less well documented, yet of equal (personal) importance is what happens to the stuff you wear to bed. Time to upgrade, methinks.

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